Hi! I'm just joined EC because I think I may be developing feelings for a girl friend of mine. It started at a concert we went with a group of friends about six months ago. This may sound weird, but when I was dancing in her arms, I felt at home. It was the most comfortable I have ever been. Then, when we went to work in a third world country, I became really close with her and I have recently realized I thought about her often and want to be with her. At a dance last week I got the sudden urge to kiss her, but I didn’t. About a week ago my teacher said something that really affected me. He said that really strong and unexplainable emotional reactions to things can mean repressed memories or feelings. I immediately thought of when another friend told me that she had approached our principal about having a diversity support day, and the response was that the Catholic Church did not support gays and their rights. I was bawling and on an emotional rollercoaster for days, and I’m not usually emotional at all. I’m thinking that I may have repressed these deemed “wrong” feelings. I’m now questioning and curious about my sexuality and am basically just in need of some advice and support regarding my situation.
i know how you feel. by the sound of what you've mentioned here, it looks to me like you're bisexual or gay. i could be wrong, but as you continue this discovery process, make sure you stay as open-minded as you possibly can. don't be afraid to really examine yourself-- of course, don't over-analyze things, but take some time to evaluate every repressed feeling you may have. becoming honest with yourself can be a grueling process but is definitely worth it in the end. so what are your thoughts on men? like 'em? love 'em? indifferent?
The upper comments are just right. First, never repress your feelings and never be ashamed of them, instead weighing your feelings towards both sexes - but without wearing yourself - always helps to find your identity. You may not find a general solution for a long time, but if you are sure you are affected by her, don't ignore it - at least you have a good start point.
Perhaps you can try to recall if there were any similar experiences prior to your attraction to your friend, and reexamine them. These may be repressed, or they may be rather vivid, but it's likely that you will remember them in some detail. If this attraction to your friend was the first such experience, then (like addie said) keep an open mind and don't jump too quickly to a conclusion. When I began questioning my sexual orientation, I thought back to a number of experiences since my childhood that didn't seem like much when they occurred but in retrospect were definitely signs of an attraction to girls. I can remember the first names and general appearances of these prior crushes while at the same time I could not remember much at all about other events during those times.
It sounds to me like you are either to some degree bisexual or lesbian. Either way you clearly have feelings for your friend. Perhaps if you feel comfortable you could try coming out to her. If she seems supportive then maybe you could express how you feel about her. Good luck =)
I agree with this advice. Can you think of times in the past where you felt especially drawn to one of your female friends - maybe one who made you feel a bit nervous or made your heart beat a bit faster when you saw her, or who you thought about a lot when she wasn't there? At the time you may have justified it as a strong admiration for a friend, or a "friend crush", or something of the type? It sounds like you are willing to keep an open mind and really try to examine your feelings, which is good. I think you've done the right thing by coming here. Please feel free to keep asking us questions, and to send a PM to any of the staff advisors if you would like to talk to someone about anything confidential.
Your experience sounds a lot like mine. I guess I sort of knew I was gay for a while, but I didn't acknowledge these feelings. I began to acknowledge and accept that I was gay when I realized that I loved one of my friends in a way that was more than just fraternal. When he hugged me it was exactly that, I felt "at home." That being said, friendships are complicated, and it might be something else. Spend some time trying to imagining what if would like to date this friend. If you did, would it satisfy you or would it be merely interesting?
