So I'm new to this site but it looks pretty awesome! Anyhoo, I'm a high school girl and have absolutely no idea what sexual orientation I am. I know people say that you should just do whatever when you like someone, but I'm really confused and am feeling kind of lonely so here goes: Up until 7th grade I though I was straight (I had a BUNCH of crushes on boys) but then I dated his guy who I really liked, and I started freaking out when we went out. I had this feeling of being trapped and had a knot in my stomach for both weeks we went out (lol) even though I avoided him extremely well. And so I broke up with him but I felt bad about it. So then I told myself, "I must be a lesbian." That took a little while to settle in, but I finally sort of got to the point where I was excited about it. I sort of like the idea of being with girls. But then I sort of remembered that I had never actually had a crush on a girl before even though I've checked a few out. Two of my friends recently came out, and that sort of made me feel like I'm not gay because they're both sort of butch and they both have crushes on other girls...But now I'm asking myself if I am or not...and I kind of want to be gay or bi but I have a feeling I'm not... Any ideas on what to do? I'm attracted to both guys and girls (i think?) but I've never had a crush on a girl and I haven't had a real crush on a boy since 7th grade bf, but I think about boys a lot. I'm sort of afraid to go out with a boy again because I don't want to hurt him if I get that awful feeling back. Thank you for listening to me rant!
Welcome to EC! The thing I'm sort of drawn to is the feeling you had when you went out with this guy. The "feeling of being trapped". Because that runs a bit counter to the standard "gay-dating-the-opposite-sex" feeling, I think. When I would go on dates with women back in high school, I never felt trapped or sick to my stomach. My main thought was "Why don't I like this girl more?" I liked her on purely the friendship level, sure, but I kept expecting there to be a different sort of attraction there. Maybe your "trapped" feeling was along the lines of "no no no this isn't what I am", but if so, that wasn't made too clear by your post. You might just try doing what you said I'd suggest you'd do at the outset. Do whatever when you like someone. Keep your inner eyes peeled for that feeling to return, and see if you can pinpoint where the anxiety lay. Lex
I think you should try not to worry about your friends coming out, or whether or not they/you are butch or not, you dont have to be butch to be a lesbian and you can be butch and straight. I also agree with Lex that the feeling you experienced doesn't necessarily mean that you are gay, perhaps you werent comfortable with the guy or the situation, but feel free to stick around EC and perhaps we can help you out.
I agree too. Though I did have a sort of trapped feeling when I went out with guys when I was younger, but that was cause I felt like it wasn't right like Lex said. I don't think sexuality is something you can figure out quickly it certainly took me a long time of dating guys liking girls and such. The fact that you've never liked a girl doesn't mean anything, you might just not be there yet, but if that is the case then you won't be able to figure out your sexuality yet
