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questioning my sexuality?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by west72, Mar 30, 2012.

  1. west72

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    Hello,

    I'm in my early to mid 20's, but for the past few months, have been questioning if I'm attracted to guys and am gay. I have found myself masturbating and dreaming about guys and finding them hot and have been looking at hot pics of guys and abs for a while, but I still look at hot girls, but lately its been guys more. But the idea of thinking I may be gay freaks me out, as I still find girls hot and have been known to check girls out on the streets still, but also do look at guys.

    Am I starting to become gay or just bi-curious.
     
  2. unknownerror

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    I'd say that If your masturbation fantasies involve guys then you are at least bisexual. If you weren't interested in men sexually then you wouldn't be checking them out or fantasizing about them. This doesn't have to freak you out though. It's not unusual and it's what this site is here for, to help people through the difficulties of accepting themselves.
     
  3. west72

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    Aww thanks for the advise, It's been bugging me for a few months. :slight_smile:

    Are there any quizzes or tests on here with questions and pictures I try.
     
  4. Snyder

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    If you find guys hot your probably at least bisexual. Don't sweat it. There's no need to take a quiz,.you'll figure it out.
     
  5. west72

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    Aww thanks guys, your already helping me figure out things and I think I may be bisexual at least.
     
  6. Gerry

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    Hi there. I don't think you need any sort of quiz or test to help tell you what you are. That's not how this sort of thing works. By the sounds of it, I would say you're bi curious. If you're attracted to girls and you're beginning to be attracted to guys, there's a good chance you're just exploring with your sexuality and are bi curious. That's a perfectly normal thing. A lot of people explore with their sexuality, there's no need to label anything. You're attracted to what you're attracted to and as long as it doesn't become any sort of a problem, I think you're fine.
     
  7. west72

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    Thanks for the advise, much appreciated. :slight_smile:
     
  8. TruffleDude

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  9. Chip

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    First, hello and welcome to ec! You've definitely found the right place.

    On to your questions: It seems pretty certain you aren't entirely straight. It is also entirely possible that you're gay and that's just starting to come into your consciousness. It's quite possible for your unconscious to keep you in complete denial for a very long period of time, and the challenge is, it can be difficult to discern the difference between genuine bisexuality and homosexuality that appears as bisexuality because of denial mechanisms going on.

    Since it would be hard to argue that you aren't at least bisexual, I won't focus on the bisexual aspect, but more on looking at whether you're likely to be gay.

    So you've already said that you're masturbating to thoughts of guys. What happens when you are wandering around at the beach? Where do your eyes go naturally, when you aren't thinking about it? Mostly toward guys or girls? Do you find yourself trying to consciously look at girls because you're supposed to, or because you want to remind/prove to yourself that you still find them hot, or is it something that happens naturally? Ditto looking at TV while doing something else... let's say a half-naked guy comes on screen. Do you stop what you're doing and look? How about a half-naked girl? Which is more likely to happen? What about porn? Do you find yourself looking more at gay or straight porn? When you look at gay porn, do you find it more interesting/exciting than straight porn, or vice-versa? When you look at straight porn, is it the guy or the girl you're looking at? How about lesbian porn? Hot or not?

    If you can answer those questions -- and my guess is, it will be difficult and uncomfortable to do so -- and if you feel comfortable sharing the answers here, I think we can help you get more clarity.
     
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  10. west72

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    Aww thanks for the welcome, and thanks for the help.

    took me a while to answer these questions, but i took my time to be honest.

    Mostly girls I naturally look at there bodies and face, but then when I see a hot guy, I take a peek and look then look away and continue what I'm doing.

    It happens naturally looking at girls I always do it, but lately I have been known to look at guys more often, but then look away.

    Yes I do stop what I'm doing and look at half naked guys and have been known lately to say to myself his body is great wish I was as great as him and it is kinda hot. Half naked girls aswell I tend to stare, but this is just been common for as long as I can remember back to my teen days.

    I find myself looking more at straight porn than anything else.

    I haven't seen much gay porn, but when I look at it, I find it a little interesting. When I look at straight porn I tend to look at the girl definitely and her boobs, and imagine I am the guy next to her, but do find myself wishing my body was as hot as his.

    Lesbian porn is okay.
     
  11. Chip

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    Hmmmm.

    Well... honestly my first thought was that you're probably mostly straight and maybe just a little curious.

    BUT...

    Reading your responses a second time, it also feels like it's possible there's some pretty major denial going on. The fact that you look at guys and then immediately look away implies that there's conscious censoring going on (you're drawn there, but then you "correct" yourself and look at what you're "supposed to" be looking at) and so that could imply that you really are closer to gay, but really REALLY don't want to be, so you're basically self-censoring behaviors that could lead to that conclusion.

    One suggestion I'd have is take some time over the next several days and look only at gay porn. And try and find gay porn that actually draws you in and excites you, not at 60 year old overweight leather daddy porn (unless that happens to be what turns you on!) See how it feels to watch it. It will probably be uncomfortable and you may feel a desire to turn it off, but the important thing is, is it arousing? And if it's arousing, is it *more* arousing than straight porn.

    And as far as fantasies go, masturbate thinking only about girls and having sex with girls. Then, the next time you do that, think only about guys and having sex with guys.

    It's a little harder to sustain the denial if you're sort of forcing the issue by doing those two things. The key is to just relax and sort of do what comes naturally, rather than to approach it trying to prove what you want the answer to be, and that's always tricky.

    But hopefully this will help.
     
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  12. You're probably either gay or bi if you fantasise about other men. It also seems like you're kind of in denial, and you'll probably come to terms with this as time goes on.
     
  13. greeneyes

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    There's a funny book called the bisexual's guide to the universe. it by no means says anything about you, but it's funny and has quizzes and makes you laugh about your sexuality so I found it helpful.
     
  14. west72

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    Thanks again for the reply :slight_smile:

    I'll take your advise, and do this, and see what happens in the next few days.

    Although last night before bed, something that never normally happens occurred, I started downloading hot pics of guys and gays kissing, and then started looking at them, then I found my penis was getting large and started wetting myself over it. The following morning, I did as you suggested and started looking at gay porn, only two clips so far, but found the gays kissing and over the neck and chest arousing, but then the second it got serious with a penis, I immediately found it gross and felt sick and was thinking of a chick with hot boobs, and turned off the video.

    I'll continue to look at more videos and see where it goes in the next few days.
     
  15. west72

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    Update: ever since ive viewed gay porn and got grossed out by two gay and a penis ive found myself turned off, when i revisited gay porn i cant bring myself to view it i just feel sick. I masterbated about girls and felt good and pictured myself being the guy kissing a girl on tv today. I didnt find the guys that sexy as i did before, mostly girls and looking at the boobs. a part of me feels sad that a guy gets the girl. So am i truely bi curious or is my mind thinking guys and gay sounds fun to experience but deep down girls are what i like. Now i just feel confused more now. When i then masterbated about guys the thought of a guy naked and a penis makes me sick but i get jealous that his body is hot and want to look as sexy as him.

    Now i just feel confused even more now.
     
  16. Lewis

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    If I were you, I would just forget labels (gay, bi etc.), just be who you are and if you meet someone, whether it be a guy or girl, that's what's right for you at the time. Don't get yourself in a mess trying to work out a specific label for yourself - your body will let you know what's right.

    If you really want to identify yourself as bi (curious) then go for it, if it makes you feel more comfortable. Life is way too ambiguous.
     
  17. Of Mice and Men

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    ^This.

    Though, you said it yourself. If you masturbated and thought about girls and it felt good, and the gay porn made you feel sick, you're probably straight and were just a little curious.
     
  18. Revan

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    There aren't really questions, etc that you could answer to determine it, it's something you just sorta figure out eventually. It does sound that you're probably at least bisexual but as you're around my age I'd say you're probably just in the stages of figuring yourself out and I wouldn't necessarily put labels on it. I think you should just live your life and let it lead where it needs to lead. That's the best advice I can possibly give...
     
  19. west72

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    Had a whole reply i just lost typing :-(

    Today i havent been masterbating about guys and tv saw half naked guy and just went whatever, a chicks boobs i went hot and straight kissing i picture me with a girl and want to have a girlfriend but am insecure about the girl liking me and insecure about my body, which may be why i look at guy bodies wanting to be as hot as them.

    Since gay porn viewing, less thinking guys more wanting a girlfriend or girl bad. I deleted all my hot guy pics. Plus guys thought hot no longer are, and my mind thinks of hot girls like.

    Has my gay curiousity been fulfilled and gay porn was what turned me off it or i feel insecure about myself and girls and feeling lonely that loooking thinking guys was a way my mind was trying to not think about how sad i feel about why girls are not into me.

    Sorry another rant again.
     
  20. Chip

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    Well... there are two possibilities.

    I think the most likely answer lies with what happened when the first (involuntary) response to the guys kissing... your unconscious found that arousing, and the arousal response (your dick getting hard) kicked in. But as soon as you saw the penis... then your conscious kicked in and said "Nuh-uh! You will NOT be gay!! We're putting a stop to this right now!!" and all sorts of denial and anxiety and other stuff popped up.

    Here's part of the reason I say that: Straight guys generally aren't grossed out and nauseated at the sight of a penis, or even a guy sucking a penis. They may intellectually go "ewww" but they don't have a strong visceral reaction, it just does nothing for them. You, on the other hand, had a pretty strong visceral response. That sounds more like anxiety than the normal straight guy "ewww" response.

    The other possibility is that you were just curious... but the problem with that is what I described in the above paragraph, which is why I'm more inclined to think it's the first possibility. But you need to do some more exploring to be able to tell for sure.

    So I would try the experiment again... but this time, don't turn it off when a penis appears. Notice how your body is responding and what you feel. Does your heart rate increase, do you feel nauseated, or do you have difficulty breathing? If any of those appear, they are almost certainly anxiety responses, not gross-out responses. And look at what, if any arousal responses you have.

    And then... do the same with the straight porn or boobs or whatever. And with the masturbation exercises... guy fantasies / girl fantasies. The problem is, your conscious mind is interfering, because you have a desired outcome, so it's making it hard to see the objective truth. But your unconscious will still tell you what's up if you let it.

    The label isn't important, and attraction isn't usually 100% gay or straight. But most people are at one end of the spectrum or the other. So if you can truly relax a little bit and let go of having an expected outcome, and try the above, you will probably get a clearer picture. Let us know what happens if you decide to try this.
     
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