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Questioning My Sexuality. Questioning my Mindset, Kind of Confused?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by In Question, Sep 18, 2012.

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  1. In Question

    In Question
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    What's up. I'm new on here, but you guys seem to be pretty supportive and reliable from what I've read.

    I've been questioning my sexuality for a while now. It first started in college when I read a few "First time Gay" stories, and got turned on by it. I'm pretty sure some friends thought I was gay too because I had never hooked up with girls for the first two years of college. Ever sense, I can't help but be turned on. During college, I decided to find out if I was straight, bi, or gay. So I went on craigslist and found someone willing to help me. He gave me a blow job, but I couldn't return one, and I tried kissing the guy, but it just didn't feel the same like it did from women. In the end, that's all it got down to, him giving me oral. Then I left. I was so certain I'd enjoy sex with a guy, but everytime I've tried, once I meet the guy, there's no attraction.

    In terms of my experience with women, I've only had sex a few times, but I've enjoyed it everytime. I was very overweight from the time I hit puberty until the last year of college and was always insecure about whether or not girls would find me attractive because all of the other guys were muscular and athletic. And my skills in bed sucked do to lack of experience. This always made me insecure with women and my confidence was as low as low can go. Anyway, I've only had sex with 5 women, 3 of whom were older that I met on craigslist. Others came along when I'd lost weight and was improving my confidence. I enjoyed sex with all of them, even giving them oral, but I'm still have problem approaching women and not getting thrown in the friend-zone.

    I come from a single parent house and most of the older people in my family are women. I've never really cared on whether or not I was gay, I just am confused because I cant seem to find the answer and it's been a few years now. I look back at the past and realize I was a sensitive kid back in the day. I also have somewhat of a masturbation problem. I've also played sports but I wasn't as into them as the others on the team. I've always found women attractive, and I feel like when I start at a shirtless guy, I'm not attracted to him or them, but really envious. I'm still working on the confidence and getting into better shape.

    Anyway, long thread, if you have time to read and provide any advice I will be very Thankful, so Thanks.
     
    #1 In Question, Sep 18, 2012
  2. Chrissouth53

    Chrissouth53
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    It doesn't sound like you're gay or bi so GET OUT OF HERE! (just kidding)

    It sounds like you made a serious effort to explore and discovered it wasn't for you. That's fine. There's nothing wrong about being envious about the shape a guy is in, but it doesn't make you gay.

    As your confidence builds, start dating women and if it doesn't feel right, maybe you are just developing your sexuality slowly, which is also fine.
     
    #2 Chrissouth53, Sep 18, 2012
  3. In Question

    In Question
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    Haha. Thanks for the help. I really appreciate it. Sexuality can be a pretty difficult thing to discover I guess
     
    #3 In Question, Sep 18, 2012
  4. YourComingOut

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    I want to recommend a couple of books for you because it sounds like you are having trouble trusting your instincts. Or accessing your true feelings.
    There are few books that have been helpful in my journey that I hope help you: "Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle, "Trusting Yourself" by M. J Ryan, "Light on Life" by BKS Iyengar. Yoga was also very helpful. I hear alot of people have success with meditation. Ultimately your question comes down to listening to your own internal wisdom - which is no easy task!
    Best of luck!
     
    #4 YourComingOut, Sep 18, 2012
  5. Chip

    Chip
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    I would also concur, for the most part, that nothing you've described sounds particularly gay.

    The challenge is, your mind can play tricks on you, so you can't absolutely rule it out. In the same way a straight guy won't find every woman attractive, a gay guy certainly won't find every guy attractive. So the failure of your one hookup could be because you're not gay... or could be because you were totally not into him and/or because you were nervous as hell.

    So one thing you can do is look at your behaviors when you aren't actively thinking about whether or not you're gay. Do your eyes naturally wander more toward guys or girls when you aren't thinking? Do you find attraction to men's abs, chest, abs, etc? To women's breasts, ass, hips, etc? Both? Have you tried masturbating with and without porn, and noticing whether gay or straight porn excites you more? If you masturbate without porn, does your mind naturally go toward thinking about guys, or girls?

    Those are questions that will help. They won't definitely answer, but it will help clarify.

    I hope that helps!
     
    #5 Chip, Sep 19, 2012
  6. In Question

    In Question
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    Thanks. I can say with confidence that without porn I think of girls. I have yet to actually find a man sexually attractive and usually stare out of admiration. Like I wish I was that tall or had those features, but it could be my mind playing tricks on me.

    For some reason I have no problem with talking to guys. Even new friends of friends that are male are easy to talk to, but when it comes to random women, a deep whole develops and I can't say anything. In my mind, the possibilities of me getting her is impossible.
     
    #6 In Question, May 27, 2013
  7. cm81990

    cm81990 Guest

    I'll throw in my 2 cents coming from a gay guy. At one point in time, I did find lesbian porn kinda arousing. Even reading some lesbian sex stories would turn me on. But when I did hook up with girls, I was just not into them at all. Reading something erotic or watching something erotic can turn anyone on regardless of sexual orientation. I've also read that some lesbians prefer watching gay porn. The main difference though is that you might find the act between two males to be erotic, but you may not be attracted to their bodies. Certain lesbian sex acts I have found erotic, but I am not turned on by girl's bodies. Makes sense?
     
    #7 cm81990, May 28, 2013
  8. jvn95

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    I don't think you are gay.

    Just a straightforward answer,
     
    #8 jvn95, May 28, 2013
  9. wrhla

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    Nothing you say here suggests to me that you're gay.
     
    #9 wrhla, May 28, 2013
  10. Musician

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    It's possible that you have some bi in you, or maybe not. Many people do, it's just a matter of degrees, both long-term and short-term. Some people are mostly straight (or completely, even), gay, or more bi, like I think I am.

    I always was into chicks, with or without porn. Something kinda hit me in the last year, where I started thinking about guys a lot. But you know, I'm kinda swinging back to girls right now. And something is hitting me. Regardless of our sexual tendencies overall, I don't really know if I believe in a sexual identity, as in strictly gay, straight, or bi. For me, it is just what it is. It bounces around for me. Today, I feel more in my hetero mode. Some days, I'm in a gay mode. It's very strange, but I'm just learning to go with it. Just some things turn us on more than others sometimes, and that's kinda it for me. Guys aren't doing it for me today. Women are. And other days, guys get me off fast. So, maybe sometimes we bounce around once in a while, and it might just help to go with it, and enjoy the ride.
     
    #10 Musician, May 28, 2013
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