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For the first time since accepting my sexuality, I don't want to be gay

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by rx79g, Oct 6, 2012.

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  1. rx79g

    rx79g
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    I dont know where to put this post. Honestly it's more of a rant than a question, but I just feel so angry I don't know what to do. I developed a bit of a crush on this absolutely gorgeous blond friend who is funny and so thoughtful and caring and into cuddlng and likes to talk about feelings and I swear he's perfect. Me and one of my friends I'm out to are (or at least were) convinced that he was in the closet based on a lot of comments that he has made. We were hanging out tonight with some other people and on the couch he sat on my lap with his arms around me rather than sitting in the empty spot. And lager when everyone else had left he started talking about relationships and he did it in such a vague way that I thought he was talking about me... And then he gave a girls name. I, I don't even know, it just killed me, and then I had to spend like four more hours with him and he was doing things like handstands so I could see his abs and it drove me crazy. I'm just so f*ing p*ssed and I really wish I wasn't gay. Before I felt like it would work out, that I would find gay guys and have relationships and every time I fall for someone it just ends up being nothing and I'm sick of "loving" people who are fundamentally incapable of loving me back. I've never felt so alone about being gay before. I guess this really was more of a rant than anything else, sorry if you actually read all that. I just needed to get it out.
     
    #1 rx79g, Oct 6, 2012
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  2. Rachyl

    Rachyl Guest

    Hey RX, Rant away,

    I find sometimes it's really good for the soul. Everyone needs to veny at times, keeping it inside only frustrates a person more.

    From what you have said, I understand your frustration:tantrum:
     
    #2 Rachyl, Oct 6, 2012
  3. Dalmatian

    Dalmatian
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    Oh.. that hurts :frowning2: Sorry, mate. I know how you feel, perfect abs during shows of astonishing strength and agility included. And once they start talking about girls the whole world of optimism collapses, yes :frowning2:

    (&&&)
     
    #3 Dalmatian, Oct 6, 2012
  4. alberz

    alberz Guest

    I know what you mean. If I were fully gay, I’d probably join some LGBT group, to find people who are too. Most people you’ll otherwise meet are straight, even if they seem gay. I haven’t done that since I’m bi, and not really interested in a gay relationship (not 100% against the idea either), but I still get these gay attractions to straight blokes from time to time, and I so much wish I could just turn it off -- but I can’t.

    (&&&)
     
    #4 alberz, Oct 6, 2012
  5. Alexander69

    Alexander69
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    I couldn't stand someone like that! Honestly if he sat in your lap he is in some way gay or bi I'm sorry but my whole life I've been around super straight guys and girls an straight guys are not touchy and a straight guy would not sit on your lap, I don't know if he knows your gay or not but that doesn't matter straight guys are not TOUCHY like that they just aren't they want to be masculine and tough and dont want to come off as "gay" at all, have you ever seen 2 straight guys hug? In real life not in movies? I never have they shake hands if anything, when I read people stories on here much like yours About this guy they think is gay turns out he Is straight yet he is hugging, puting his hands on you or around you, sweet talking you, (not all this is referring to you other people's stories also) tickling you and your feet, flirting then he is in the closet because straight guys would never do that. People talk about "bromance" but to me that means you are a little bi because real masculine straight guys don't pull stunts like that EVER. Anyways I bet that this guy is in the closet or he is bi. I hope I helped you I may have come off string but ya haha :slight_smile: :grin:
     
    #5 Alexander69, Oct 6, 2012
  6. brocub

    brocub
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    I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news (or reality for some people), but straight guys do hug and cuddle each other. Mostly when they're drunk, but they like to be affectionate. Yeah, I've had friends like this, but you get used to it the more it happens.
     
    #6 brocub, Oct 6, 2012
  7. Alexander69

    Alexander69
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    Straight guys cuddle and hug when they are drunk? I've never seen that, I'm only 17 and have gone to lots of parties maybe straight teens are different but I've never seen straight teens cuddle and hug when they were drunk. Maybe adults are diff idk maybe :/
     
    #7 Alexander69, Oct 6, 2012
  8. Closet88

    Closet88
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    Hey, don't be so down, we are the way we are and can't change that :slight_smile:. I know from experience how hard it is when you think someone is gay but then he starts talking about girls... And I also know how horrible that feeling of rejection is. The best advice I can give, although a lot easier said than done, is to try your best not to get annoyed. Gay or not, if he doesn't feel the same way about you then so be it. There's plenty more people out there so don't be annoyed about one person.

    And to join the debate on straight people hugging, I have seen lots of straight men hug :slight_smile:.
     
    #8 Closet88, Oct 6, 2012
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  9. rx79g

    rx79g
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    Thanks guys, I finally went to bed and got some sleep (at 4) and I'm feeling a bit better now. It just sucks. But about the hugging thing, most of the guys in my group of friends are VERY touchy and huggy (word?) and it doesn't suprise me a whole lot, I guess I was just reading too much into it.

    On a margianally (spelling?) related topic, is anoyone here in college? Is it tpically easier to find gay guys in college than in high school? I don't know if I can take four more years of this.
     
    #9 rx79g, Oct 6, 2012
  10. Lexington

    Lexington
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    What if he had given another guy's name? Would that have been OK? :slight_smile:

    And college does tend to be pretty open. Go to the gay student union, boom. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
    #10 Lexington, Oct 6, 2012
  11. rx79g

    rx79g
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    I feel like it actually would have been better if he'd given another guy's name. If he was at least into guys than there would be a chance that something could develope at some point. I guess you have a point though, it's not really an issue of being gay as much as just liking someone who doesn't like you, and that happens fairly often. Being gay just seems to make it happen more often. Thanks :slight_smile:
     
    #11 rx79g, Oct 6, 2012
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