Is it possible to make crushes? And what does that mean for my sexuality

At the age of 18, it's entirely normal to have a relatively weak sense of "self." You are still searching to find your place in this world, how you fit in, how you are perceived by others and how you perceive yourself. Also, perhaps it's true that you are not strongly attracted to either sex right now. It's also possible that you are lonely and are merely seeking intimacy with someone, anyone. It's even possible that you like the idea or the "sound" of being someone's BF more than you actually like BEING that very thing....

Take your time and work through these thoughts in your head. Is there anyone at home you can talk to? Friends or parents? I think this is likely a phase of your emotional development that will pass with time and experience. Good luck to you.

 

It's more or less normal to fabricate the idea that someone might be gay and possibly into you - I suspect most of us have done this at some time or other. :lol: The "it was all in my head" phenomenon. But that doesn't mean you're making up the feelings you have from them - whether they were gay or not, whether you knew them or not, your feelings are still real.

Also, I may be off base here, but I almost wonder if you do genuine want these things, but are actually holding back in these situations, partly because of not being sure of yourself yet (which, as pinetrees pointed out, is not necessarily anything to be concerned about). It's probably easier to develop a crush on a guy whom you've never met, or a guy whom you don't know is gay, because on some level you know it doesn't require as much out of you. Turn the situation around - if W. had actually come to you one day, come out as gay or otherwise attracted to men, and said he wanted to be your boyfriend - what would you have said?

 

There is something I learned from a great book called Wizard's First Rule by Terry Goodkind that may or may not apply. The romantic that I am, I'd like to believe that love and a person's feeling are always genuine, but here it is:

"People...will believe a lie because they want to believe it's true, or because they are afraid it might be true."

I think that one's sexuality is something that takes a lot of time to discover, and you shouldn't be too hasty in trying to figure it all out. I understand it all may be confusing and frustrating, but try to take a step back and explore yourself. If you find that you're more attracted to guys, great! If it's just the opposite, that's fine, too. Perhaps, you are bi. With some people, it is impossible to put a label on their sexuality. This may be the case. Just remember that love is love no matter who is on the receiving end.

 

i fabricated a few crushes on boys when i was younger because i just wanted to feel normal. i also wanted to understand why i didn't like boys the way i liked girls. so it's possible, but do you have crushes on girls the same way you do with boys? are there different feelings? when i think back to who i really had crushes on in school they were all girls, and i really admired them and just plain liked that they were there in my classes. but when i realized people might think i'm weird if i don't like any boys then i started to look for who would be a good boy to have a crush on. in other words, with girls it was just a natural feeling of admiration, and with boys it was more like an assignment. hope that makes sense

 

I think it's kinda normal, atleast I hope it is. I do similiar things to you.

An example, I got it into my head for absolutely ages that this guy I knew was gay. Like, really in my head. To this day I still think he's a little gay, but it's like I almost got obsessed with it. Which is a complete contrast in my character, most people list me as emotionally distant and there I am, completely emotionally engaging with a bloke that probably isn't gay/I barely know and truthfully, I still don't know why.

And then there was another case where one of my friends begged me to go to a Uni open day with them, and I went. And while there, this guy started hitting on me and asked for my number, and I instantly said no. I later regretted it immensely and, no lie, I think I got severely upset. Like a ridiculous amount of upset. I was completely depressed and sad about it for about 2 weeks, and just like you, the sadness was completely disproportionate compared to the actual event. I mean, it was such a minor occurance and it did not deserve that kind of extreme reaction. And again, it was completely out of character for me. Usually I'm easy come, easy go kinda guy and I try not to dwell on things.

The theory I've come up with, which may or may not apply to you, is that I'm having these rather intense emotional reactions to these kinda things because, even though I now identify as gay, I've still yet to prove it in a really weird way. I've had no sexual or romantic interaction with guys, and I think there's still a little part of me that wonders if I'm straight/how do I know for sure I'm gay, so I want to have my first gay experience asap to give my identity some closure. I mean, I read stories on here and it kinda depresses me how they're like 'my best friend told me he's attracted to me, I think I might be attracted to him too' or anything along those lines and I genuinally think you lucky pr*ck xD. I mean, they're going through the same identity crisis that we all go through, yet they have someone there to turn to PLUS are given concrete evidence that they have homosexual tendancies.

Sounds daft, but it's the best I've got haha. Hope I've helped man.