I'm a 22-year old female and I've always identified as straight but I'm starting to question that and the more I think about it the more I can't believe that I've never considered the possibility that I might not be straight. My first sexual experiences when I was younger were with other girls and I definitely enjoyed them. I always wanted to go further but didn't want to push what I was doing with my friends because I was afraid they would think I was a lesbian. I eventually started hanging out primarily with guys because I didn't want to do or say anything around a girl that would make anyone think I liked girls. (This was when I was like 12/13 and I got picked on a lot and didn't want to get picked on for something else) But over the years I stopped thinking about it and just started thinking I hang out with guys because I don't get along with girls. But I've always only really been turned on by lesbian porn/erotica, never really turned on by heterosexual porn and I'm not turned on at all by male gay porn. I recently got out of a very long relationship with a guy, we were together on and off for about four years. For awhile I enjoyed having sex with him but after about a year I just couldn't get into it and never really wanted to have sex with him. Also, I can't have sexual fantasies about men, they just don't turn me on like thinking about having sex with a woman, and I've basically been that way since I first started having sexual fantasies. But I've never really thought about having a romantic relationship with a woman. I just feel like if I'm actually not straight then I should have known by now. Is it stupid that I never considered that I might not be straight?
Not stupid you just never wanted to entertain the idea. So you arent interested in anyone but men romantically? (heteroromantic) And only turned on by women? (homosexual) If you enjoyed sex with your boyfriend you might be bisexual but leaning toward women. So I'd say you're either a heteroromantic homosexual or heteroromantic bisexual.
No. I spend two years from like 14-16 figuring out what I was feeling. I didn't come out until 16, and I have not fully conquered my fear and shame until this year. It's been a long process, so I am not surprised that you are wondering what's taking so long. You sound pretty gay to me. I ignored everything you said about porn for two reasons: first, porn isn't really a good indicator of orientation anyway; second, straight porn in particular is pretty bad, since a fair bit of it simply eroticizes pain, humiliation and degradation of women. How could a lady possibly get off to that? What I did pay attention to was what you think about having sex with men and how you fantasize about them. It looks like you didn't enjoy sex all that much after a while, and it seems like you don't have strong fantasies about men. Women seem more exciting to you based on what you've written here. The only tricky bit is that you say you haven't thought much about romance with women. I think that just goes back to how you haven't thought much about being gay or bisexual. The idea is just so foreign to you, and I think that on some level, you really want to be straight. I think that's also coming from defensiveness about not wanting to be labeled as gay by other people. So you stopped all of that stuff short (cuddling, playing, etc), even though you've been doing it for years. So I think that rules out you being bisexual. I don't want to scare you. The thought of being gay scared the living shit out of me, and I'm sure I made your heart skip a couple beats. But there it is. Of course, only you know how you feel, and I hope that we can all learn more from you so that we can try to help out.
Not stupid at all.....I just realized it myself a few months ago, and I'm 25. There are quite a few of us on here, I'm finding out, so we're in good company. I know what you mean, though. It's so strange to feel like you've missed out on noticing this huge part of yourself for all these years, even after some indicators early on that you might not be straight. But there it is. Life is sneaky that way. I'm still trying to figure it out too. Message me if you want to talk more!
Thank you all for so much for responding. You've definitely given me a lot to think about. Yeah, sex with my ex was fine for awhile but for the last couple of years I spent a lot of time avoiding having sex with him which he was really nice about but I felt really bad about that, but when we did have sex I didn't enjoy it, I never actually wanted to do it, I just felt like I should be having sex since I was in a relationship with him. But it's true that thinking about girls romantically has always freaked me out even though over the past few months I've become completely uninterested in having a relationship with a guy.
Hmmm Well being in a relationship with a girl may just sound scary because its new. If you feel that way about sex with men now, (I'm friends with a straight girl whose not that into sex with her husband) maybe its just because the guy didnt know much about the female anatomy. Then again, for women the biggest sex organ is the mind. If I had to "rediagnose" you, (heehee) I'd say its very possible you are a lesbian because you're very attracted to women by the sound of it. You may just be afraid of a relationship with another girl due to your background (like if you were raised Christian or your family is against homosexuality, etc).
