I’m seriously considering giving up on figuring out my sexuality. I honestly just don’t have a clue anymore. I could be straight, I could be bi, I could be gay. I wouldn’t be surprised with any of the possible outcomes. I had a period where I really felt like all my attraction to girls had vanished, which I hated, but sort of accepted. In the same period I also had about a week or two where I figured oh well I’m gay, it’s actually not that big of a deal. Felt good, to be honest. But then I started to doubt again. And as soon as the doubt came back, I felt like absolute shit. Right now I find myself attracted to girls again, maybe even much more than I ever used to. I feel like with guys it’s pure lust, if that makes sense. If I had to choose between having sex with a guy or a girl, I’d go for a guy, without hesitation. But it’s not because I like them better, it’s more like it’s more satisfying or something. More passionate. Guys are just easier and being a guy myself it’s to be expected I can relate to them better. But I still like looking at girls too. There’s an emotional connection there that I think I’ll never have with a guy. Girls are sexy in a different way. And I find myself longing to be with a girl. Just to be with her. And even though I think when it purely comes down to sex, I’ll probably have more fun with a guy, I still find the idea of sex with a girl exciding as well. Just in a different way; with girls it’s the emotional connection and the fact that I appreciate so many “soft” feminine qualities that make it special; with guys it’s the passion and the lust. Like I just wanna cuddle and be close to girls, hold them, shit like that.. guys I just wanna ****. (Excuse my language, I’m trying to make this as clear as possible) Does that make sense? Probably not, it doesn’t in my head, either. What this all comes down to is the very inconvenient fact that I don’t want to be with a guy, because I’ve tried that and it only confused me more and didn’t make me happy in the long run. But I also don’t want to be with a girl, because what if it turns out I’m fooling myself and I end up hurting her? I wouldn’t want that, either. So a year ago I broke up with my girlfriend because having a girlfriend didn’t feel right, now I break up with my boyfriend because having a boyfriend doesn’t feel right. I’d seriously think I should just be asexual to avoid all this confusion, if it wasn’t for the fact that I really like sex. I really feel like experimenting with this a bit; maybe have sex with a girl again to see how that makes me feel, but I’m not really into hookups, not to mention girls usually don’t go for the one time hookup thing. But like I said, more than just a hookup is out of the question as well. I just feel like there’s nothing more that I can do, I’ve tried everything and I still don’t know. I’m really trying to look at this in all honesty and be honest with myself, but I’m not sure if I am, and if I am, then that means it’s all the more confusing. I just want to know, for fuck's sake! Edit. I hadn't decided yet whether I was gonna post this or not, but then I hit Submit instead of Preview post, so I guess I did post it.
Dude, don't sweat it. I'm actually seeing a therapist about this today. I've been where you've been. I think that there's a missing piece inside of you and no human will be able to fulfill that(man or woman). In my honesty opinion, take this time being single and learn to enjoy life, minus the sex. I'm more of the opposite. I prefer women but have this curiosity to experiment with a guy yet when I do it, it doesn't feel right. My last girlfriend, everything felt right about it. But after the break up, I went into severe depression and basically looked for comfort in whatever/whoever would give it to me. I'll admit, guys seem easier to "hook-up" with but it's more of the fulfillment of being with a woman for me. Clear your head, talk to someone, maybe change your lifestyle to just overall more healthy and I'm sure some clarity will come to you. Best of luck!
If you're only 20 years old, you certainly haven't tried "everything" in order to figure this out. I'd never had sex with anyone at the age of 20, so I'd suggest you just cool your heels for a while and be OK with the fact that you don't know yet. Life isn't a race. Early on in the coming out process I think a lot of guys can only relate to the physical part of their same sex attraction. They can't see kissing or cuddling with a guy. But I think that is more societal conditioning. Why can't you see yourself kissing or cuddling with a guy?!? Perhaps you're still not entirely free of the societal views that are imposed on us. I felt the same way at first, but soon developed an emotional relationship with a man that is better and stronger and more whole than the relationship I ever had with my ex wife. You likely just need to give youself some time.
Thanks for the input, guys. You're probably right, I just need to stop thinking about it so much and focus on other things. And I will. I can, I have. And it was great. It just felt like something was missing, but then again I had the exact same feeling with my ex girlfriend. I'll just give it a rest.
I can relate 100% with everything that you said... I'm in exactly the same boat, only difference is that I opted not to get involved in any relationships and thinking back, I regret that I never allowed myself that. I'm at the point where I've decided that its time to get help, don't think I'm going to solve this on my own, already wasted way too many years trying to do that. I don't care what I am but it would be nice to know for sure. My advice to you would be to do the same.
Well I can't say that I've ever been in your shoes as I've never had doubt about my sexuality. But what I did struggle with is the acceptance of it. Remembering some of your posts over the past months (year?), one thing that seemed to be tripping you up was that you very, very much did not want to be gay or even bi. Even when you also said you were very much in love with your boyfriend. Was/is that still the case--you don't want to be gay--even at the time when you were at your least doubt that guys were your thing? Because if so, I would suppose that getting over that hurdle - accepting that it is ok to be gay if you are - would help in the long run to just empty your mind and begin to truly understand who you're attracted to. I'm sorry for your breakup.
You could be a gay hetero-romantic, if that makes sense? Sexually attracted to guys, and romantically to girls. But you say it varies, so the best thing you can do to help yourself is slow down a bit. I understand how frustrating it could be at this particular time, the confusion, anger and depression. So many people have been in similar cases. You should just relax, worry less about it and maybe then something will come to you.
Holy crap I can totally relate! There was a time when I thought I was on a freaking roller coaster. At one time I would think I was attracted to my best girl friend, then I would doubt myself and think that I was gay. This cycle continued for like 2 years, then I finally felt like me. Don't give up, you're out there somewhere.
Thanks guys. It's also nice to hear what I said made sense to some of you. I'm definitely just gonna slow down and not get involved with anyone. Hopefully some "cooling off" time will help. Oh I definitely don't want to be gay. I suppose bi wouldn't be so bad. I'd say I'm fairly open to any possibilities, though. But I guess it can still get in the way of my feelings, maybe. Not much you can do about that, though. thanks :icon_sad:
Dang, sorry to hear about your relationship. I haven't had as much experience as you but I also feel like I connect with women better emotionally but would physically prefer to be with a guy. Maybe try settling down for a while and not see anyone? Then again that hasn't exactly helped me much at all.
Maybe holding off on intimacy with anyone for awhile will give you some objectivity? It could give you some time to figure out what you're comfortable with, what maintains your interest, and what you enjoy from a person when sexual involvement is delayed.
