Hey, I’ve been questioning my sexuality since I was twelve. I have come to the conclusion that I like girls, but I’m not sure if I like guys as well. I know for a fact that I like girls better. I just want to know because I’m planning on coming out to the rest of my school and I don’t know what to tell them. I was going to change my Facebook “interested in” status and wear an obvious rainbow bracelet around. I tried the rainbow bracelet thing a few days ago, but I felt like people were going to think I was a lesbian, and I’m not sure if I am. I’ve had three major crushes on girls, zero on guys. My first minor crush was on a guy, but I don’t know if I could consider that a crush. I just wanted to fit in so I picked a guy and pretended to be obsessed. I wouldn’t mind dating anybody, but that may just be desperation. I’ve never been in a relationship, so I don’t have any experiences to tell me if I like guys or girls better. I think girls are more attractive looking than guys, but I can think a guy is hot. I’ve imagined myself marrying a woman, and never a guy. I try to think, “I’m a bisexual” and it doesn’t sound like the right label. I’m scared that I’ll come out as the wrong thing. I don’t want to come out as a lesbian only to find out that I like guys too. But I think I may end up coming out to my classmates as a lesbian, just to make it easier. If I find out I like guys too I can just date them when I get out of high school. So, am I a lesbian?
Thanks for replying. I'm comfortable with liking girls, and it's already semi-public. I think unsure is a better word for it.
Well before you go coming out to everyone take some time to figure it out. Like when I was 15 I started liking girls but I tried to totally push that away by dating more boys and pretending I never though about it. Then when I was 16 I knew I couldn't deny that I liked girls so I came out as bi and started dating girls. After that I never dated guys again and what do you know I'm gay lol. So take some time before you come out. No need to rush it.
No problem! I think I'm pretty much in the same boat. Do what you feel is right. (Sorry for the clichè) but if you are ready to take the leap of faith then by all means go for it. If you are really not sure do you have the chance to experiment? ---------- Post added 3rd Feb 2013 at 09:59 PM ---------- Totally agree with this ^
As someone who's been down this road before I would not recommend experimenting. That usually does not turn out good.
I guess I'll come out as bisexual for now, but I still want opinions on what people think my sexuality is. I do have a few gay/bisexual female friends, but I don't think they'd want to experiment with me.
Based on what you have said here, I think you are probably a lesbian. Choosing a guy at random and pretending to be obsessed with him is something most lesbians have done at one time or another, and it's not really the same thing as a crush. Also, people will have a tendency to assume you like guys, and if you are at all hesitant on the question, they will jump all over it, and it might convince you that you are attracted to someone when you aren't really. If you are attracted to someone, you will actively want to be with that person. Just being sort of passively willing is not the same thing. If you are thinking, "Well, if he wants to go out with me, that would be okay, and I would like to try dating," that is not the same thing as being attracted to him. Just knowing the difference between a guy who is considered "hot" and one who isn't, also isn't really the same thing as being attracted to the "hot" guy. So, unless there was a time that you actually LIKED a guy, rather than just kind of pretending, or just being sort of passively open to dating him, I think you are probably gay. But really, what you should do is just be open about what you really feel. If you aren't sure, say that you aren't sure. "I'm probably a lesbian, but I'm not totally sure yet that I could never like a guy," is a valid place to be, and you are allowed to express that. Not if it is dangerous for you obviously, but if you are going to come out, that's what it would mean, is just telling the truth about yourself and your experience. If your experience changes in the future, you can tell the truth about that, too. Being out is just about living your life authentically.
Thanks for the answer. Your post makes sense, I guess I might be gay. And you are right, being honest about my sexuality is better than coming out as something I'm not sure I am. I'm wearing my bracelet around today and if anyone notices it they can ask, and I'll tell them I'm a lesbian, but I might like guys. Isn't that considered homoflexible? I wouldn't come out as that though, people at my school wouldn't understand that label.
Today I tried to imagine kissing a guy and I couldn't picture it. But then I met this girl and I really wanted to kiss her. I barely know her, but I automatically started liking her, and my gaydar was going crazy around her. ---------- Post added 4th Feb 2013 at 04:00 PM ---------- I know labels can be bad, but I want to go by a label so It's easier to explain myself.
I agree that I shouldn't label myself, I just want to so it's easier to come out. But for now when I come out ill just say "I like girls... And maybe boys." I think I may be a lesbian though.
