I don't know where to start but this is a really important question that needs to be answered. Biologically I'm a girl, I'm really good at being a girl. I love hello kitty, the color pink, cooking cleaning, all that "girly' stuff". But one day I notice i like girls romantically, so i thought, "Oh i'm a lesbian", parents are supportive, no problems there. Then seemingly no reason what so ever i would go into a deep depression and do nothing but sleep. Then one day i burst into tears and started yelling, saying "I don't know who i am, I'm not what I'm suppose to be, this whole life is all wrong!" My parent were worried and I was sent to a behavioral hospital to get some help. I did fine there, it wasn't so bad, and soon i was put on new medicine to help with my depression. I was ok for about three to four months then, BAM, out of no where here it comes again. The feeling that everything is wrong, that I'm not who I'm suppose to be. I have the overwhelming feeling that i should be male, that that's what I'm suppose to be, but I don't act like a typical male. Or think of myself in the way typical males do. I want to be a male that still likes hello kitty, and the color pink, so it just seems like it would be easier to stay a girl, but I'm so confused. It was just so sudden and seemingly out of no where. I did research, that's how i stumbled upon this forum. All the stories about knowing from a young age that you were transgender don't apply to me. Like i said it came suddenly and intensely. When I was little I had one girl friend and one guy friend. I hung out with my brother and my sister equally, I never seemed to prefer the company of males or females but liked them equally. Though I like women in a romantic sense and can't see myself being with a guy. I just feel like nothing right now, and that's not helping my depression, i feel like something needs to be done. That I need to find myself, and a part of me is telling me I've already found the answer, but the other part is saying I'm to girly, so that can't be the answer. Thank you for any advice. I just want to know if this is something that i should just ignore or if it's a sign that I should make changes to my life.
it seems like sometimes when a person experiences gender confusion it's due to trying to embrace the assigned gender norm in a way that's pretty extreme. Not surprisingly, there is a backlash... Are you quite certain you like Hello Kitty or those other "girly" things? lt's very normal for girls to have no interest(l will be damned if you have ever seen me in hot pink or owning Hello Kitty anything). lt's fine if you do, maybe there is more to be said about thinking of them as "girly". You can be any person you want to be and you can actually be nothing at all. l've known a lot of gender conforming, albeit odd females who fit into that category without even trying. You wouldn't even know they were girls if you never met them in real life. And honestly there's little reason for people to have so many gender "tells", a lot of it is the way men and women bend to fit the mold that is already there. Do you think some part of you thinks that if you like women, you should be a man?
I don't think that because I like women I should be a man. Like I said the first conclusion I came to was that I'm a lesbianand lived as one for some years before having my two break downs. No ones ever given me grief about being a lesbian so I don't see me changing my mind suddenly about being a lesbian.
well. you either sound like someone who swings between extreme ends of the gender spectrum and wants to embrace both(which some people do) or like someone who feels they should be masculine for other reasons. Not sure.
