I am a girl (age: 22). I like girls. No, I love girls. This is not the question. The question, is actually whether or not I like boys. (Even in the queer community I feel like an oddball.) Some Background. Although I always knew in the back of my mind that I preferred girls, I still had boy crushes through grade school and high school. I didn't have any boyfriends though. My first real kiss was with a girl at one of those slightly kinky sleepovers guys dream about. I was 18 and a senior in high school. I should also note that my closest friends were always guys. In college, (away from my family) I came out to my friends as bisexual. I also had the closest female friend I've ever had, and she eventually confessed having feelings for me. It was a very volatile and draining on again off again relationship. Eventually though it ended for good. Being single, and missing my make out buddy, I texted a cute acquaintance of mine (male) to see if he wanted to fool around a bit. He refused to just be a makeout buddy and proceeded to wine and dine me before asking me to officially be his girlfriend. He's a sweet, wonderful man who loves me and treats me better than I could ever ask for. But lately we've been talking about the future and getting married and kids etc. And it makes me think about everything I wouldn't be able to experience if I spent my life with him. Like being in a healthy loving relationship with another woman, or having sex with a woman (I'm not a virgin with men, but the whole penis thing still kinda weirds me out), or having a beautiful baby and being a proud mom/mom couple. And this is really confusing, because I Love my man so much. But lately I've been thinking it might be a more emotional need than what I actually want forever. So, maybe i'm a lesbian and afraid? (my family isn't exactly gay friendly) In which case, I should tell him ASAP, because if I stay with him I'm afraid of waking up in 20 years (or less) and regretting it. But I don't want to decide the opposite, and wake up in 20 years regretting breaking his heart! In short, I just don't know if I'm with him because I love him and want to be with him forever, or if I'm with him because I'm afraid of what it would mean if I don't love him (that i'm 100% lesbian). :tears:
Don't think about it so much. wait awhile and just have fun. eventually everything will fall into place. i said i was 3 different sexualities until i figured it out. at one point i was between bisexual and lesbian and i just tried to relax like i said. Call yourself bisexual for now and eventually you'll figure it out.
You are better holding off on any type of long term commitment until you are sure. But you can't rush the process you have to evaluate yourself and be convinced before yes say yes or no. Better to hold off than say yes and be sorry even as little as a year down the road.
