Right now I think I'm bisexual. I'm not entirely sure if my attraction to boys is real or not. Maybe a bit of history will help. Hopefully this post isn't too long. When I was in elementary school I got crushes on girls. When I was seven I remember this girl. For some reason I imagined her naked. I liked that thought, but I didn't understand why I enjoyed it. I thought it was a weird thought to have. I remember this one girl who I wanted to be best friends with. I liked her the second I saw her for some reason. When she was mean to me I got upset and ended up chasing her around the playground and teasing her. I was mostly friends with girls because I was a girly girl. When I was ten I learned what gay people were. I knew that there was girls I liked, I just didn't know if I "like liked" them. I was also starting to pay attention to other girls bodies more. I thought that when I went to middle school I would start to like boys. When I was eleven I didn't like anyone. I was aware that other students were talking about having crushes. I thought I was maybe just behind them. When I was twelve I got more attracted to girls. I was upset because I didn't want to be a lesbian. I didn't tell anyone about my feelings. I eventually complained to everyone about not having a boyfriend. I constantly thought about wanting a boyfriend because I hoped that would make me more interested in boys. After that I forced myself to get a crush on a boy. When I was thirteen I managed to avoid thinking about the possibility of being a lesbian. I was still "upset" about not having a boyfriend. I was honestly more upset about my lack of attraction to boys. When I was fourteen I randomly got asked out by a girl. I knew for sure I only liked her as a friend. It was very awkward being asked out because that brought out a lot of repressed thoughts I had. I declined because I was just starting high school and I didn't want risk my reputation by dating a girl I didn't even like. Later that year I got hit on by a guy. I didn't really like him either, but I decided to hang out with home because I didn't have any friends. I eventually went out with him. We became a couple. I enjoyed holding hands with him. I tried to let him kiss me, but I kept feeling reluctant about that. When I got the courage to kiss him on the lips I didn't feel anything. Most of my kissing and physical contact felt forced and a bit off. Everyone seemed to be really happy for me. I felt like the relationship was empty. When I was in the relationship I was starting to like a girl. I felt like she was my soul mate and she was perfect. She made me look forward to going to class and I got disappointed whenever she was absent. She happened to be a lesbian, but I found out she liked another girl. This was disappointing. My boyfriend broke up with me because I didn't like him enough. I wasn't upset and I felt a bit relieved. After those events I identified as gay for a bit. I finally got enough courage to tell my mom, but she just thought it was a phase. I was upset about that. After that I kept more quiet. I decided to test my sexual orientation with porn. I watched lesbian porn, but it didn't really turn me on. I tried watching gay porn and it turned me on. I thought this was weird. After I watched gay porn I got more attracted to boys. I eventually just called myself bisexual instead. When I was fifteen my sexuality fluctuated a lot. Whenever I liked boys more it felt weird for some reason. I'm now sixteen. I have a crush on a male teacher. I like him because be is smart and funny. It doesn't feel weird to like him. Sorry for the long post.
It does sound to me like you are bisexual, because if the possibility for attraction towards girls wasn`t there, you wouldn`t have experienced it. You have experienced being attracted to a girl and having romantic ideation towards her, and if you were straight that would very unlikely happen. I mean, for someone who is completely straight, the thought wouldn`t likely enter their mind and feel so natural. Sure, experimenting happens, and people who have sex with others of the same sex isn`t then automatically bisexual, but you have had these feelings for a long time. And they feel very natural to you, it sounds like. Sexuality can be fluid, and especially if you are in the bisexual spectrum somewhere, because a lot of bisexual tend to lean more towards one side than the other, and yet some bisexual are on a perfect neutral, so to speak, where they really don`t lean in either direction, but simply fall in love with the person, not the gender. Some lesbians, like me, can have romantic thoughts about men, despite it not working sexually, nor in actual real life. But you are very young yet, and you are inexperienced, so it is not likely you get a clear answer any time soon. It can take us a long time to truly know our sexuality when we are questioning it, and some think they know it perfectly well, only to suddenly get a bucket of ice cold water over their head when they fall in love unexpectedly. So, my only advice is that you try not to focus so much on knowing exactly what box you are in, but rather just try to experience whatever feels natural for you to experience. Try it out. If you meet a girl you really hit it off with, give it a go, and see if that feels right for you. If you meet a guy that you like, try that. As you grow older and a bit more experienced you`ll know yourself better, and maybe be able to establish where you are on the sexual scale. But you have tons of time, and there`s no rush. Bisexualish sounds like an awesome box to be in to me
I think that people over-complicate sexuality. You should remember that romantic attraction is different to sexual attraction (the thing that your 'sexuality' defines). If you feel sexually attracted to examples of both gender, you are bisexual. But that doesn't mean you have to romantically attracted to both, and vice verse. It really is as simple as that; anything else such as behaviour, mannerism or lifestyle, is completely separate and completely optional.
