How do you know the difference between gay and bi

Oh my god I was literally about to post this exact question. Down to the paranoia about dating someone of one gender and being like, "welp, I'm suddenly on the other team again. Nice knowing you!" I just went through a solid four months of being really sure and coming to terms with being a lesbian and now all of a sudden I feel like I could go either way. Not the first time it's happened either. It's infuriating, isn't it?

Hopefully some wise soul will come set us straight. Er...

 

I can't reply to this the way I'd like, because I tend to go on & on and I'm too tired to type that much, lol .
I know how this feels.
I overthink things way too much. Things became clearer with age & acceptance, but part of me is still afraid of the way I feel changing again.
Ugh...

 

I feel 0 attraction towards women, so I guess that's a pretty clear indication that I'm gay.

As for you, maybe you just need time to figure it all out?

 

Just because our sexuality can be fluid, doesn't mean that it is therefore polar. Just as a straight, married person may, quip, "I'm married, not dead," when caught looking, so, too, should we be able to commit to anyone of either sex, yet still notice attractions to the other sex. It's our commitment to that individual person that determines whether we jump ship or not.

 

No expert here, but I came to the conclusion I am gay based solely on the relative strength of my attraction to men vs. my far less strong attraction to women.

The term gay, for me, is simply the best "fit" to my inclinations, although there are some individual quirks: I would also call myself demisexual in the sense that I am aroused most naturally for a man with whom I have a strong emotional attachment.

I find it helps to separate out the facts, and what you think about these facts, because if you are uncomfortable with being gay, you may choose the label "bi" because it is (perhaps) easier to live with. That is the real question, isn't it?

Hope this helps!

 

Hello,

Okay if I had read this sooner I wouldn't have to waste a post on it. I feel exactly the same about it. For me, it wouldn't be a problem to be switching between labels (gay, bi). But I feel pressured to define myself so I can finally come out of the closet. Now I am waiting until I stop swifting between these two shades of the gay rainbow! You are definitely not the only one

Sometimes I feel 100% gay, no doubt, other times I could see myself with a man.

I realise I am not really helpful but I wanted to show my gratitude to you for making this post

 

While I was still questioning, someone asked me something like "what would you say your sexuality is if you were not you, i.e. if it were like you were talking about someone else". My immediate answer was "Gay!" Perspective.. helps

But it's ok to be confused. Give it some time.

 

Well I think to helps to keep the fluidity aspect in mind and just say that if you have doubts then your somewhere between bi and gay at least for now. You don't have to label yourself each minute just let the proverbial chips fall where they may.

 

I don't know the answer. I still don't know if I'm gay or bi. I am now in my late twenties and have been asking myself this question since I was 23 (When I came out to myself)

This is what I know:

I am not asexual and I am not straight.

I think that I am probably bi-mostly-gay or gay-and-a-bit-bi.

But I have found that the older I get the less it matters. I just think to myself: 'I'm not straight'. I've found that other people still want to know, but I worry less.

I think that being bi can be very confusing. Sometimes I wish I were one or the other - or that it was really simple. But it's not. Hang in there!

---------- Post added 10th Mar 2013 at 03:38 PM ----------

If you are with someone, ask yourself this question: can I live without this person? If you would be heartbroken if they broke up with you, then you make your decisions on whether to stay with them or not based upon that, and how you feel then.

I found that deciding to ask questions like 'Do I think about this person all the time and want to be with them all the time' rather than asking 'Am I gay/bi and therefore is it possible that I am actually attracted to this person' made things much easier.

 

I used to be in the same boat but what settled it for me was when friends would ask what type of guy I liked. I would sit for ages trying to picture all the 'celebrities' who I could liken to my type of guy but would usually lie because it would become a little awkward lol. But I would always inwardly ask myself who my type of women is and would immediately have my top 5.

While it does sound like an odd way to understand your orientation it was one of the ways I 'decided' so to speak.

 

I have the same exact problem. I know that I like girls and I don't like guys as much as straight girls do. I hate that I'm still confused. Hopefully I will know who I am by the time I'm 20.

 

It was quite simple for me. I'm a guy, so it was which gender gave me an erection and which one didn't.

If you know in your heart of hearts that you like one gender, and then you start off going "well, maybe I could trrrrry the other one" then that sort of sounds like you're over complicating things. You shouldn't have to think about it, attraction just comes naturally whether you welcome it or not.

 

whether you can see yourself with someone from either sex in the future or with someone from just one sex.

 

I obviously can't get erections. Whenever I imagine myself with a guy I don't seem to be physically attracted to him. I tried having a boyfriend, but I only liked handholding and cuddling. It was awkward and boring kissing him. I don't know if it's just him or other guys. I know in my heart I like girls even though I've never been with one.

 

What is normal? To answer your other question, I was always exclusively attracted to men, I do love women but like friends, never something more.