How do i know im gay

To me, it was always a comparison between how I felt with women and how I felt with men.
Going out with women, just to see if something will happen is not a good strategy, because it involves another human being who could get hurt if your hypothesis proves to be true.
You are now buff and masculine, but you've made no effort to pursue women, and every effort to pursue men...You probably know, deep down, what you are; beating a dead horse will not revive the horse.

Your problem of course is the profession you are in, and I can't tell you what will work, other than to point out that there are others (exemplars of you will) in the same situation (for example, Anderson) who have come out and have been admired for their courage...

 

I think you will find that you can be a sportscaster and be out, at this point. It might even make it harder for them to fire you, for fear that people will say it's because you are gay.

I think it's pretty clear that you are. Can you imagine if you could really date a guy properly, instead of just having hookups? That would be nicer. You could have that content feeling in a broader way. I think you will be happiest if you can have a meaningful relationship with a man.

Straight guys, and for that matter bisexual guys, do not have to work at being attracted to women. It just happens involuntarily, just like your feelings for men happen involuntarily.

I'm sorry you have felt so much shame, and that this has to be so scary.

Do you know any gay people in real life? Or anyone that you know would be accepting of you?

 

Oh, sorry, for some reason I misread something.

But I still think it will be all right if you come out--a lot of professional athletes have been very outspoken about the idea that they would support their gay team mates lately, and I think you will find that they are accepting when faced with someone who they actually know.

 

I hope that you will have the courage to admit to yourself that you are gay. I remember that at first I tried to think of myself as bi, somehow it seemed more acceptable, but I did not find happiness until I could first come out to myself and fully embrace the reality that I am gay and I fancy men even though I enjoy women I am sexually drawn to men.

It must be hard to be an athlete when so few are out. Once you are comfortable with yourself, then perhaps that is the time to think about coming out to others.

 

why date? that takes too long. just go online some where and see if you can get a one nighter with a hot chick? if you can get hard looking at her and your hard as a rock when she's naked then just BANG her all night...

makes you bi...

 

bro, thats for you to decide...

i put gay as my orientation but ive only hooked up with chicks and not done one thing with a guy... so yeah man do what you need to do...

 

Is it possible that you sort of psyched yourself out this time with this guy?

The most important sex organ in your body is the one between your ears and if you're feeling concern or confusion about your sexuality and how it might impact your career it could definitely impact your experience. Very few people can compartmentalize to such a degree that they could face the issues you are dealing with and then just block it out and have great sex.

You said earlier that you had sex with guys and found it very satisfying. Did those experiences live up to the billing? If so, then I think that increases the odds that your most recent experience was impacted by stress.

If you are simply curious about sex with a woman, then give it a try. However, if this is at least partly about how being able to be with women would make things easier in your job then there are other issues you need to think about.

Just my thoughts. What are yours?

Todd

 

Hey again. Ok, so going to throw out some thoughts and theories here. If I'm off base on any of this, please let me know and we can give this some more thought. But just going off what you've posted so far...

In your initial post you mentioned that the second guy you hooked up with kissed you (which you really liked - which is understandable because kissing is AWESOME!) and that you 'lost your virginity' to him. And here you mention being concerned with 'not feeling like a chick'. Based on these statements would I be correct in guessing that you bottomed with both of these guys? And that with the first guy you really liked it, but with the second, some part of you had started equating bottoming with being less 'manly' or being feminine? And that was bothering you and making you feel self-conscious?

If this is the case, do you have an idea where such thoughts might have come from? Just arising spontaneously or maybe something a friend or co-worker (or even some random TV or radio bit) might have said that equates being gay with being feminine?

Assuming that something of the sort is the case, I would suggest the following for consideration:

a) What is considered 'manly' or 'feminine' behavior is pretty much a completely subjective societal construct that is both pretty meaningless and changes with time and place. Some of the greatest empires in history were built by men who wore powdered wigs and makeup on a routine basis. Back in my home state of Alaska, it is pretty common for women to change the tires on their Chevy Suburban by themselves, hunt down, kill, butcher, and pack out their own Moose/Caribou/Bear, and do their own maintenance on their snowmobile. My mom (all 5ft 4in of her) owned her own plane, had a dog sled team, built her own cabin (with a bit of help), and owned a .44 pistol that would stop a bear. She's also quite feminine.

b) Many years ago an acquaintance who was ex-military told a story about this guy in his unit who was the biggest, meanest dude around, who's idea of a good time was getting in a bar fight, and who was gay. He apparently said his two favorite things were 'bustin heads and suckin dick'. While giving oral sex isn't perhaps an exact match for liking to bottom, it also has something of a 'tradition' of being considered a more submissive, less 'manly' thing to do. Would you want to tell this guy that? Me neither.

c) Right now as we speak there are any number of soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan and around the planet who are some of the toughest people on the planet. They get into firefights, they deal with IEDs, they risk horrible wounds, and death every day. And some number of them are gay and are going to bed each night dreaming of being held in their boyfriends/partners/husband's arms. And some number of them would probably love to be in the position you've described/indicated (bottoming with a guy, being kissed, being held).

d) When I was in college, I was taught a 'rule of thumb' when it came to dating military guys "You can f**k a Marine, you just can't f**k with a Marine. I never had the opportunity to test that theory, but have no reason to doubt it either.

e) On a rather different note, as we speak right now, there are any number of 'fem' guys who can't hide their sexuality (because behaving in a 'fem' manner is simply part of who they are) or choose not to and who face a lot of abuse, bullying, and overall pain as a result. I wish I was joking when I say some of them won't survive it. But I'd suggest that those who do are pretty damn tough in their own right.

I guess the point of all this is that judging 'manliness' by what someone enjoys sexually is both a very limited view and perhaps more than a bit silly on the part of the society we live in IMHO. I'd suggest that doing what you enjoy and find fulfilling, regardless of what society says (and as long as you aren't hurting anybody) is the mark of a pretty manly man as well.

BTW, based on what I've seen on this forum in my short time here, it actually seems to be pretty common for guys who are in positions where they are dominant personalities or 'large and in charge' in their daily lives to really enjoy being able to relax, let go, and let someone else 'drive' for a while, whether that means being wrapped in their guys arms, or bottoming, or whatever. It's a nice change of pace from all the rest of the time when they have to do all the heavy lifting (literally or otherwise). So, basically you're pretty normal in liking that aspect of things. Of course that doesn't mean you're not allowed to wrap your arms around your man and make him feel relaxed and safe too

On a final note, I'd also suggest that another rather 'manly' behavior is wanting your partner to have as good a time as you're having. So even if you're really enjoying bottoming or otherwise letting your partner 'drive', it's also really nice to keep enough presence of mind to return the favor (whether that means topping them and learning to do that in a way that makes them feel as good as they made you, or performing oral on them or whatever). Telling them to just relax and enjoy for a bit or the next time you get together or whatever works for you both is a very nice thing.

Regarding being more of a relationship kind of guy - that's perfectly fine and also pretty normal. Some guys are really into lots of hookups, some only do them for a time and then decide they want a relationship, and some want a relationship from the get go. Follow your heart and do what feels best for you

Who you are attracted to sexually doesn't have anything to do with your behavior, nor does being gay (or realizing you are gay) result in you suddenly behaving in a fem manner (despite what TV and movies like to depict). If you're natural behavior range included being fem, you would have been behaving in that manner (or fighting not to perhaps) long before you realized you were gay.

There are guys on this list who are totally gay and whose idea of a fun time involves getting dirty working on their truck, or hunting, or snowboarding, or going to the shooting range. There are guys on this list who are gay and who couldn't care less about shopping or fashion or whatever other things gay guys are 'supposed' to like. There are guys on this list who are gay and 'fem' and 'stereotypical' in their behavior to one degree or another (there are occasional threads that come up about how you match or break the stereotype), but that is something that was always a part of them, not something that just 'turned on' when they realized they were gay. And no matter what type of person someone is, it's really better to judge them on their character as an individual rather than their fashion or entertainment preferences or whatever.

I'd suggest that you're self-consciousness/worry about behaving in a fem manner likely contributed to your issues with the buddy you mention hooking up with. Try to relax and stop worrying about it. You are who you are and you are fine who you are. And part of who you are is a dude who likes dudes. Accept and enjoy it

Finally, if you're looking for some reading material or resources that might relate to your sporting background, there are a number of books on Amazon that tell the story of various gay athletes ranging from football to basketball to baseball to swimming and more. Some of these are biographical, some are collections of profiles of athletes across the country.

You might also check out this website:

Outsports: The galactic leader in gay sports

Ok, I'll stop now As mentioned above, if I'm off base on any of my assumptions and such, please let me know and we can play with this some more.

Hope this helps,

Todd :smilewave

 

I'm not sure that there's any single 'normal' process, actually. Everyone is a little different and their process reflects that. Regarding relationships, my partner and I have been together for 16yrs last December. So I can say I highly recommend em

Regarding accepting yourself and support in doing that - You might want to check out the 'Coming out later in life' section on the forum. While it's not exclusive or anything like that, it is focused on the issues (both good and bad) that guys deal with when coming out after their teens and twenties (the age of a lot of the members on the forum overall). Including a lot of the issues you are dealing with now.

And it is indeed a tough process in lots of ways. In a sense you're swimming upstream against one of the most powerful social currents in society. But as I'm sure you know, the more you exercise and practice, the stronger and more capable you get. And eventually something that seemed impossible is something you can do every day without even breaking a sweat. Coming out and accepting yourself is kind of like that in a lot of ways.

Being gay is what you make of it, just like any other part of life. There can be some really tough and depressing times. But there can also be a lot of fun and laughter, joy and love.

It really does get better,

Todd

 

Sounds like ur gay I guess but I think that there is a oreanation that doesn't like eather 1 not shure though but I would keep dating if ppl fire u for being gay then the job wasn't worth it in the first place but try it with a girl u could be bisexual