So I have realised I am somewhere between a kinsey 4.5 and 5, but I have not accepted it at all, and I almost feel like i never will at this point.. I am 30 yrs old and it has taken me this long to realize where I stand with my sexuality.. But I got three brains feeding me information. My libido says mmm either will do but I like him better. I feel like my heart is saying I'm gay, and my brain is just saying Baaaaaaahhhhhh!!!! It's driving me nuts, and I needed to get this off of my chest. Anyone else ever feel this way?
Well, I'm 31, so.. it took me a very long time to accept myself as 6 I still feel weird when I see "Gay" under my name here, left of this post Libido is not relevant. It will always feed you false data, it's just horny, the bastard Brain is the old dog learning new tricks. He'll take his time. So, I'd say listen to Heart.
If you have a moderate preference for men sexually, and a strong preference for men romantically, I think it's likely that you will mostly want to date men. Certainly, I think a woman who knew your preferences would rightly feel insecure in a relationship with you. So, I think it would be reasonable to identify as gay. That seems to make the most sense, to me, based on what information is relevant to other people. Also, I want to point out that just thinking it would be okay to have sex with someone isn't the same as actually wanting to. And I mean with that specific person, not just you want to have sex and that person will do. Someone you are attracted to will be someone you particularly want to be with, not someone who is merely acceptable.
Thanks Dalmatian.. I used to never pay attention to what the heart was saying.. Guess I'll listen a little closer. Thanks Lanthe I feel like my post was a bit misunderstood. I was just saying my libido is indiscriminate, but I am much more turned on by men was all.
What Dalmatian and Ianthe said. Also, the fact that you're unable to admit that you're Kinsey 4.5 - 5 jumped out at me. It sounds very much to me that you can't seem to accept that you're gay. Pretend Kinsey doesn't exist for a minute (I never liked it anyway, I find it can actually be quite damaging to a person struggling with their sexuality) and just focus on what you feel. If you like men physically and romantically more than women then it makes things quite clear cut, and as Ianthe stated you would find it very difficult finding a woman who would be comfortable knowing your preference isn't "her." Think about it. Would you enter into a relationship with someone knowing that they sexually and emotionally prefer a gender that is not them? Of course you wouldn't.
Thanks Lewnatic All the things you have just pointed out are all of the things I havr just come to realize. Hopefully with a little more time I will learn to accept who I am. But hey that's why I am here right? And every time I speak more about it, the more and more comfortable I become with it all
When you move from considering yourself straight to accepting you are gay, you will at some point find yourself in an interim position. It seems to me that this position can be either bisexual or asexual. If you are finding bisexuality demanding at the moment, try asexuality It sounds weird when it's stated like that, but what it actually means is: let yourself take a breath. You can take some time off of sexuality, just to ease the tension. The fact is, whether you take the bi- or a- interim, the main ingredient is still time. So give yourself some Btw, that doesn't mean I think bisexuality or asexuality are temporary positions for everyone. Of course not. Just, if you are strictly gay, the above could apply to you.
I'm sorry, but I completely disagree. Telling him to throw asexuality and bisexuality into the pot of 'try this, that, and the other' will just confuse you more. Step back, take a deep breath and try not to worry about it. Everything will become clear to you naturally, you need not turn asexual for a month.
Ok, maybe I didn't come across well. I'm not saying anyone should "turn asexual for a month". If anything, I don't think that's possible. What I was trying to say is precisely the "take the step back" approach. You don't have to know and accept and live your sexuality right now. You can take some time. You shouldn't push yourself into forceably finding people attractive. It's fine to take a break and not think about sexuality, just to give yourself time to accept the change.
Thanks! Both of you!! No worries though I knew what you were trying to say.. I guess I am on the right path.. I have been taking a step back and sitting out of the game so to speak, tryimg to get a better perspective on myself and what I really want. It has been extremely helpful so far and like I said the more I talk about it the more comfortable I am with myself. I'm still a long way away from stepping out but I feel like I am making decent strides.
