23 yr old male with a bit of confusion. For as long as I can remember I've liked girls. But after a few relationships of not falling madly in love i was beginning to think I'm just heartless. I liked the girls and had great sex, but I just wasn't in love. I was in love with my first serious girlfriend but she screwed me over multiple times for years. Second girl I really liked but she sprung I love you really soon and we had some trust issues. I just kept wondering why didn't I fall in love so easy and why it wasn't like the first time I fell in love. After that, I had a thought "what if I'm gay" and been kinda freakin out since. I've noticed guys before, but never in a sexual way. Just like oh they look cool. I've watched gay porn before and I've felt aroused but not as aroused with straight porn. When I was younger I kissed two guys, but remember it feeling weird and not like kissing a girl which just felt good. Now my libido is gone, all I want to so is sleep. I just can't seem to relax and think about anything else other than what am I? I can't even tell who I'm attracted to and just constantly look at everyone to see what I feel. Which is nothing. I feel overly sensitive to everything. My therapist believes I have purely obsessional compulsive disorder, which would make sense given my past and other history since i was real little. I just want help sorting myself out
You sound pretty straight to me, going off of what you said. If you don't have any sexual attraction towards men, then I doubt you're gay. Sometimes I see an attractive female, but that doesn't make me straight, because I'd never want to do anything with her. It just means that person is attractive. So if you find a guy attractive that's completely fine, and it doesn't automatically make you gay. Hope that made some sense.
Talking about it seems to alleviate some anxiety. I've been open to the idea of a curiosity because of porn, but when I think about actually doing anything, its not arousing. My relationships with the few women have been great. Always loved sex and foreplay and being together and close, I just have a hard time opening up and have always been shy and reclusive. The idea of dating seems so foreign to me, and the few relationships/flings I've had happened all organic and natural, without effort on either part really.
