Okay, This is my fist time talking about sexual orientation so I am kind of nervous, so if I start to ramble at some point, I apologize- and bare with me please... So I am 19 years old I and currently a Spanish Lit. major in college, and this business of being gay is something that I felt I was never suposed to be dealing with. Since I was a child I always heard my parents (more my Jamaican father) that being gay was a sin, although he never told me dirrectly. So durring my third year in High school I started to *notice* boys. But I never thought for a moment that Homosexuality was even a meek possibility. I am a puerto rican, Jamaican very conservative, very catholic, this can't be. So I keept ignoring these 'feelings' at that time I did not call them that because that would mean that they would be real, and that Is something that I was (am) not ready to admit to. Let's fast forward to today a freshman in college, I just recently broke up with my three year long girlfriend (a relationship which was never consummated) who I loved more than anything. And I don't know what I should do... I am very attracted to a guy who lives on my floor, but who says he is not gay- then again so do I. My god... okay I am starting to think this does not make any more sense... SO here is my ULTIMATE question... at what point do I throw in the towel and say to my self that I am Gay or at what point to I say, Alex you are being ridiculous, you are not gay. AND if it turnes out that I am gay... what Do I tell my parents who I am sure would be... just... horrified? any advice would be welcomed and appreciated. Thanks Alex.
Hey Alex, I'm also a freshman in college. I had these thoughts back in December for the first time. Like you, I completely ignored my attractions to men in high school and just assumed it would pass. I also have a bit of a crush on a guy in my statistics class. Since December, I've just let myself be and tried to let time figure it out. Fortunately for me I have parents and relatives and friends who I doubt will care all that much, and that lets me be more honest with myself. Don't worry about your parents right now. I don't know if you live with them or away from them at college, but figure out who you are first before you make any big decisions. It's been four months for me, and I'm still not there. Maybe it'll take less time for you, maybe not. But try to keep an open mind and not try to sway yourself one way or the other. Just be as honest with yourself as you can, and don't get to frustrated. What makes you think you are gay? Would you liked to have had "consummated" your relationship with your girlfriend? Do you check out both men and women? You definitely came to the right place at EC. I'm rather new here and there are a ton of people with much better input then I may have, but I'm in a similar position. Feel free to write on my wall or respond here if you'd like. Good luck buddy.
I think "The Dude" gave some sound advice. I would work on just being okay with the idea of you possibly/likely being gay first. It is a great time to do it now that you are in college! I only recently came out of my own denial..because I also wouldnt even spend real time thinking about it..because if was devoting time to thinking about it..then there was an "it". I would also agree not to put pressure on yourself about coming out to your parents. I am not sure but I think the Puerto Rican culture is pretty conservative and my old design director boss was from Jamaica and she was fiercely homophobic and said it was a proud part of her culture to be. (I often thought she might be a lesbian she talked about it so much). This forum Is super supportive and can help you figure out or process whatever orientation you happen to be though and there are probably groups on campus too! Glad you found this site! (!)
I don't know how helpful this might be but Orlando Cruz, a Puerto Rican boxer recently came out as gay and he was accepted, Latinos have this image of being homophobic but I think that's not the case as a whole, many just don't care. I'm here to talk if you feel like it.
Well since it's pretty obvious you are gay, saying you aren't won't help anything. Accept it and go from there.
I'd say you just said it. An anonymous post on a website is not full coming out, but it is a part of the process of coming out to yourself. The first step is to admit your homosexuality to yourself. Many say that's the hardest part; I think so too. So, first deal with yourself. You can think about your parents, family, friends, about what future might look like for you, about anything - later. First, tell yourself "I'm gay". It will sink in with time. And of course, while you are on that path, EC is a great place to get help from. We are all here to help
"the dude" Thanks a lot for your response, I don't really have any one I can talk to about this because let's be honest, the last think that a straight guy wants to hear is that their roommate/ floormate is gay. So, I really appreciate it. To answer a few of your questions, What makes you think you are gay? - I guess the fact that I am somewhat 'interested' in having a relationship with this guy who lives a few doors down the hallway. And It's not just sexual... I mean when we spend time together it is like... I feel like I could spend a lot more time with him... like I would be perfectly happy with him as a 'partner'. But the Sex also come into play, because he is a really good looking guy. So the fact that I am entertaining an Idea of possibly maybe having a relationship with a guy is why I think that I might be gay. Would you liked to have had "consummated" your relationship with your girlfriend?- Yes more than anything... She was very special to me, and she was so beautiful. But she was saving her self for marriage so I had to respect that. Do you check out both men and women? - Now I find my self 'checking out' both men and women. I am not sure if this helps any? If I may ask, what became of the guy in your math class? ---------- Post added 12th Mar 2013 at 03:25 PM ---------- I don't want to jump the gun... I mean seeking support, or answers to questions regarding my sexual identity does not constitute immediate homosexuality.
Glad you appreciated the response. Just based on your comments it seems you're attracted to both men and women. You really liked your girlfriend, want to have a relationship with a guy and check out both men and women. Again, I haven't been on EC long, but it sounds like your bi. Some people think that you have to be one or the other, but as you'll find here that isn't the case. There is also a thing called bi-phobia. You should check that out. I don't want to label you, and I don't know you personally, just from your two posts. However, it seems like your interested in both. If that's the case that's perfectly fine, but really try to think about it. Also, I hope you aren't depressed or anything with this whole situation. A lot of people on EC seem to be, but I haven't experienced to much depression myself. I guess people are in situations where the people around them will react poorly. Hopefully you have a few people around you you think that you can trust, or would be okay with it if you aren't straight. Only you can really answer that question though. And to answer your other question, the guy in my math class turned out to have a girlfriend. He doesn't know what an ERA is in baseball, acts/dresses like a stereotypical gay guy would on tv, yet he's straight. Oh well. Thanks for asking though.
