Hi all, I have been questioning whether I am straight for a few years. I have had two relationships with males, one in high school and one in college. However, I really hated being physically intimate and/or kissing them and I didn't feel romantically attracted either. I dated them because I was flattered by their attention and I hoped that I would fall in love with them after a few dates. I have never really had a crush on a guy. However, right now I have a big crush on a girl in my class. I have talked with my mom about my confusion, and I know she would support me whoever I am with. However, she basically said that she is scared that if I am gay I will not be able to have a satisfying long term relationship like she has enjoyed with my father. She also commented that she has always 'known' I was straight. This conversation confused me so much. I know it is silly, but I am really close with my mom and I don't want to disappoint her. I also am afraid it will change how people think about me and that I will lose my friends. Any advice/support would be much appreciated!
If you're lesbian and you date a man, it's guaranteed you won't be as satisfied as your mother is in her straight relationship that is the correct orientation for her. No physical and not enough emotional attraction to a man tells me you may be lesbian, especially combined with the fact that you've never had a crush on a guy but have one on a girl. Think about it like this: if no one were judging you and reaction of others were not a factor, and traditional life wasnt a factor, think about this- Who would you want to wake up next to every day for the rest of your life? If nothing in your life would be negatively affected, who would that person be? Don't let anyone else, including your mom, influence your conclusion. Ending up with whatever gender is correct for your orientation is the key to the happiest you can be and a satisfied life. You can't be straight for everyone else just to make everyone happy and accepting of you. If you go with the wrong orientation for yourself...everyone else will be happy, except for you. What's most important is for you to be happy.
All this is so confusing :/ On the one hand, yes if there were no societal factors etc. I would love to wake up next to a woman I love. But I worry that I am just reacting to being scared of men or something. I was never physically bullied, but I was was heavily verbally harassed by boys when I was younger because of my 'boyish' appearance and being a 'nerd'. I have never really had close relationships/friendships with guys and I went to an all girls high school. Even now, I feel most comfortable around girls and gay guys rather than straight guys. So I am worried (and my mom is convinced) that I am straight but I have 'issues'. I also feel guilty for perhaps kind of unusual reasons. I consider myself 'liberal' and 'open minded' when discussing other people's sexuality, and I have taken several queer theory courses that I have done very well in. However, I am very insecure about my own sexuality and acknowledgin that I may be queer myself.
Your mother is a total idiot. The heterosexual divorce rate is 50%. To suggest that being straight guarantees a longer, happier relationship is utterly stupid. And the fact that you acknowledge that without social factors you would love to be a lesbian, means you are one. Welcome to the team.
My mom always assumed I was straight as well. When I had a a boyfriend I liked holding his hand and cuddling with him. I didn't enjoy kissing him. I also had a crush on a girl. Right now I've gotten crushes on both genders and occasionally turned on by guys. I'm really confused as well. I hope you figure out who you are.
Hi, greenleaf, welcome to Empty Closets! You don't seem to be attracted to guys at all, and you clearly have feelings for girls, so you are most likely gay. That's sort of what "gay" means. Or "lesbian," if you'd rather. It's normal for you mind to be sort of resistant to this idea for a while. Queer theory courses, incidentally, are often FULL of people who are really queer and haven't embraced it about themselves yet. You were drawn to take those courses for a reason.
