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Coming out and how your life has changed for better or worse!!

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by fuk, Mar 12, 2013.

  1. fuk

    fuk
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    Before i hit puberty i used to be a proper boys boy. I used to be obsessed with football, and obsessed with girls, have a lot going for me, cheeky smile & personality, good looks and a very popular person with girls an boys, life was sweet and it was fun! I had a lot of ambition and zest for life, i used to love and be a wicked drawer/artist and used to have a lot of insight and intelligence into things. I could put my mind to anything i felt. Life seemed magical. I still to this day cant get my head round and accept myself. i don't know what the fuck has happened to me. I still think that smoking so much weed at so young and at such a crucial age of development effected the way i am today. I believe if i didn't smoke weed i would have handled or maybe not even had sexual fantasies about men. (the only reason i think i did have such fantasies is because i was re-visiting a childhood sexual encounter i had with my best friend, but what i think now was just boys being boys ) I think i over analyzed every thought and feeling i had too much, i never told a soul and it was becoming worse and worse everyday, i soon became so uptight and cagey that i was scared and embarrassed to walk down the street because i had visions of people actually thinking i was gay! It was like the seed of the devil had been planted in me and the more i wished it to go away the worse it got, the sexual fantasies were becoming stronger and stronger and my mind was becoming more and more paranoid and introverted. I ended up getting in a stupid relationship with this girl who liked me for ages and ages, i never even really saw the girl as attractive but i just decided on day to get with her jus to shut people up.. I think this was a sign of me becoming less confident an ambitious in myself. I was with her for about 4 months, she was the first girl i slept with(i fingered an got off with loads of girls before that though).. and basically one day i jus prayed and prayed that these stupid gay thoughts and this side of my personality would disappear.. The next morning i wake up and it seemed the whole world had been transformed! I looked over at my girlfriend and thought WTF, there was no feeling or nothing, i was in hell. It was like i was looking at a brick wall. I tried kissing her and it was like kissing rubber. There was zero chemistry or lust or attraction. It was DEAD. I felt sexually and intellectually dead, my mind was completely transformed. It was like there was nothing else left to achieve in life. Nothing i used to like interested me anymore, i couldn't even give my mum a hug in the same way. It was like i had been turned to stone. It was like God come down and wiped my personality clean. No more sexual fantasies nothing. It was like what the buddhas say about being enlightened and breaking free from the circle of life and death. Nirvana, or seeing reality for what it truly is. And i did have this new sense of unconditional love for the whole of earth, it was beautiful but SCARY. Now when i think of my sexuality i don't think of sex with men. All i find attractive in men is glimpses of the person i used to be, coz i can see what i used to be like in them. Its so fucked up. Maybe i became a woman i sometimes think... I don class myself as gay, but I'm not straight. I don know what the fuck i am.

    Cn anyone relate to me with there "coming out" experience!! coming out is a term that i don't get, what o you com out as? a beautiful butterfly ? I'd rather still be in my cozey cocoon... i was forced out my cocoon i feel and now my life is a disaster... im just flying arond with no home or stability, id rather be dead
     
  2. Probablyrandom

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    Smoking weed has never proven to have had any significant effect on a person's hormones/changed their sexual preference.

    From your reaction I can tell you don't live in a very gay accepting area. If you want an answer you'll need to forget that in order to accept the results. Otherwise there's nothing that anyone here will say that will do you any good.

    First off, being gay doesn't change who you area, that part is at least true. When I found out I'm not straight my personality/preferences remained the exact same way. It's just your mind having trouble accepting it. Once you'll regain yourself-minus being straight-That can be hardly called a disaster. It happens with any life-changing issue, it's temporary, it's annoying, but it helps us. That so called 'empty feeling' it's basically the residue of some probably slightly homophobic thoughts. You are in no way less special, you in no way have anything wrong with you, you're perfectly fine. Plus either way, everyone likes to experiment a little. You maybe going through a phase. You maybe bi, you maybe straight, you maybe gay, who knows. You find out, and tell us. But you'll never feel complete unless you actually TRY.

    If you're worried from a religious perspective, go watch Matthew Vines or search up some videos about religion and homosexuality. People have been doing it for ages, therefore, it's not unnatural.

    Now, what about this 'no home/stability'? First off, find out if you're gay or not, next, if you live in a very homophobic area/with very homophobic parents, then for the love of God, don't tell anyone. I told my father by mistake a week or two ago and it ended very VERY badly for me. My dad barely speaks to me anymore, yelled at me, and the story reached climax when I got physically abused, then it died down. But every case is special. Your parents might be accepting, do you have any friends you can talk to? Anyone? Remember that if you think they're the type who would hit or kick you out then just keep these thoughts to yourself and go on a journey of self discovery. If you ever DO find out you're gay/bi/straight or whatever, be happy because at the very least you know who you are. You don't have to proclaim it to everyone you meet, wait till your 18, move out, and just move to a place you find to be friendly. Also, sexual relationships should never ever be for lust. If you feel nothing with her then wait a while, see how you feel then, go out, experiment a little, if not, dump her or do something. You fall in love with the person, not their gender.