Some answers to your questions

What I'm going to write right now will help you answer some of the questions about yourself. There is little bit of medical information and some logic to it. But before I start, I would like to make a reference to a value that is know in programming as Boolean, which could be either TRUE all FALSE. So let say, you create some application and you want to assign some default action to a check box. You set value to TRUE. Then if you want to get some opposite effect, within a code you write that if check box is marked the value will be FALSE and this way you can accomplish some opposite effect. It's really very logical and allows for creating some complex applications. Since most of the human behaviors and actions imitate nature, the same rules apply to human body development. What do we know about child development during pregnancy? We know, that around 4 month child grows is size, becomes more active. Sometimes sleeps, sometimes plays. All the internal organs are being developed, but at this stage child male and female organs are still not developed. In fact, they are the same for boys and girls. However it is safe to say, based on child's behavior, that child's personality is already existing. Ask any parent who saw it's child using USG, and they will tell you that they can see child's face, how baby moves hands, sometimes looks like it smiles. Now, sometime in 6th-7th month of pregnancy information in form of hormones is sent to a child, with instructions what to do with the organs. This information will transform those buds into female or male organs. As most of people know, no matter how much you try, software you create will always have some bugs in it. Some of them are simple, and some of them are complex. Sometimes, we have situation that male is born but his penis is not being developed. There a females that will not be able to have child, because they do not produce eggs. There are people that are born with both female and male organs or have breasts and penis. As you can see, there could be many errors and one of them is that FALSE information was sent, but child's body did not responded to it. Simply, hormones are being rejected. Therefore, you will have girl that has penis, and boy that has a vagina. After child is born, it is sometimes hard to recognize whether it is a boy or girl. For the next couple months baby's face is changing constantly. Sometimes looks like its mother, and sometimes like its father. This could be very confusing for both parents and everybody else. That's why our culture created something that helps to project information about baby's gender. That is color blue for boys and pink for girls. Sometimes it is even confusing for a child. Although, it is very rare, child will know that something is wrong and it will try to communicate it. There are 2 very well documented cases of two girls Jocie and Jazz that were born as boys. Both ABC and CBS created documentaries about them and they are available on YouTube. In case of Jocie, family doctor recognized that she is trying to breast feed one of the toys. Once she was able to talk, she told her parents that she is a girl. Jazz on the other hand, tried to cut her penis with nail clippers. Both parents of Jocie and Jazz recognized the problem and allowed both of them to live as girls. These are 2 extreme situations. In most cases, children discover that something is different about them when puberty hits and they starts to feel its own body in a different way This is a time when child realizes that there is some discomfort, but child will not be able to understand why it has this strange feelings and ideas. Sometimes child will try match that image of who he is with external layer. For example, child will try to wear opposite sex clothes. Sometimes the feeling of lack of harmony becomes so strong that a child hates its own body and considers suicide. However in many cases the feeling of being in the wrong body may not be present.

This whole issue is not really about your actions or what you do. It's all about your emotions. Your brain will play tricks on you. Your initial interpretation of your actions might be incorrect. Try to understand your emotions first. Do not be afraid and do not look for confirmation of the pattern I described. It does not happen to everybody. And trust me there is nothing wrong with you! This is who you are. Our gender is very complex issue. There is internal gender that is like a watermark. You cannot change it, remove it or destroy it. I tried and believe me, it did not work. Then there is outer, physical gender, that is basically how we look. And there is third part that provides some sort of "support gender" that helps us to exist within society as male or female. That is basically all the things you do in your life as a boy or girl. One of the hardest things that I realized when I was a teenage boy, that even though I considered myself to be a girl, I will never have the same experiences as other girls do. No boyfriend, no dresses, no makeup, no dates etc. These things are vital for your well being

Surprisingly, even thought I did not transition, and probably never will be, that female part of me found its own way to exist in this body. I'm stay home dad right now and I spend a lot of time with my 4 year old son. Many times I are ask him straight forward are you a boy or girl? He always says he is a man. Well go figure he calls me dad but sometimes he calls me... mom too. My wife sometimes says that I am like his mom, I just did not give a birth to him. Now, this is going surprise you. My son was playing with my winter hat, he stood in front of the mirror, than he turned my way and with his big smile said "Daddy is a Lady". How in the hell he knew?

 

I just felt like sharing. I always refused to believe that I acquired this somehow. That there has to be some explanation. This facts are so simple and logical. It is scary that people even refuse to look at them.

 

We may have to consider the fact that all GLBT are variation of the same basic error of rejecting hormones that carry FALSE signal. We may even have situation that hormones were rejected but child that is born will never exhibit any signs of being gay, lesbian or transgender. We have to be open to all possibilities. Transgender is extreme form of the same problem. I can only imagine that gay and lesbian do not feel discomfort about their own bodies. Think of it this way, the internal watermark is different that your outer layer, but beacon that sends signal to your brain about this issue is not active.

 

I understand that each individual experience might be different, but I think we should keep ourselves open to all possibilities. Nothing is written in stone. Everybody is welcome to contribute. I will add my thoughts as we go.

One thing kept me thinking. Why “beacon” signal varies for different people and why it is not active for others. So what do we know:

- Number of GLBT remains constant within human population from generation to generation.
- “beacon” is active for some people and inactive for others
- Exceptions are always in minority, that’s why they are called exceptions.
- FALSE error is real, scientists need 5 different elements to establish gender

There is a serious possibility that nature tries to compensate for initial FALSE error, by controlling beacon switch. Since exceptions are always in minority. That means GLBT are in minority within human population. Therefore FALSE error is much more spread that we may think and for this individuals beacon is permanently off. I am talking about large population of heterosexuals. That would explain why many “normal” people have some kinky ideas and play out their fantasies. Little bit twisted.