Hello, I believe this is the correct board to post questions about sexual orientation, if not, then I apologize. Before I begin, I meant to type angryandconfused as my user name and I don't know if it was too many characters or just a careless mistake on my part, but anyway, that's what it's meant to be. Just thought I'd mention that. Now that user name directly ties into the question I'm here to ask, and it may be a long explanation, so sit back and relax. I've asked this question on another website, but I feel it's best to get multiple points of view because this is a big issue in my life. Again, I'm sorry if this is long. Over the past couple of years some things have been happening that have made me question my sexuality that I thought I was very very sure about. A little over a year ago I was pretty convinced that I was a lesbian (after having considered myself bisexual since I was nine) and I only liked chicks (obviously) but there was ONE guy I was attracted to. I end up falling in love with him and losing my virginity to him and then, of course, I was very confused. So I thought the only way I knew I liked guys at all was cause I screwed him, so I thought the only way to be 100% sure I liked girls also at all was to have sex with a girl (maybe more than one). I did end up dating one girl after him and though I made it clear the reason I wanted to have sex with her and that it was not my intention to pressure her, she still accused me of doing so. I talked to a couple people about this and one said to have sex with a girl to be sure cause that's what she did and the other told me not to because you can love someone without having sex with them. Though I agree with that whole heartedly, what if I were to maybe fall in love with a girl and when the time comes that we're ready to have sex, I don't enjoy it at all? That would end up being painful for the both of us. A few basic questions I'd like answered if you'd be so kind: Am I going about this the right way? Is there a better way to be sure of my sexuality? Those are my questions. If you have any advice, personal experience, or anything of the sort to share with me, it'd be much appreciated. Thank you in advance.
I'm kind of going through a similar thing. I've always found girls attractive and atm I have a boyfriend. I have not had sex with a woman but I have slept with men. The thing is I get bored with men so easily and sex with every single man has ended up with me being bored, not feeling it and just feeling a little grimey (doesn't sound great haha). But I'm the same in that I wonder whether if I had sex with a girl it would get me off and I would enjoy it. I would encourage you to have (safe) sex with a girl and maybe do wait till you are in a relationship after all it might make it better if you really like the girl. Or not haha I don't know. I met a girl from Sweden who I became close to, we kissed and I can't describe the electricity I felt when we kissed, it was amazing. I'm scared too but just go for it. The girl you are kinda with....if you like her then go for it. Be safe xx
Well, even though I'm confused, I still consider myself bisexual because even though I haven't had sex with a girl, I am attracted to girls and I met this one girl that I have a huge crush on. I met her online, yes, but even when I just get a message, I get butterflies in my stomach and I can't stop smiling. And that's how it's been when I've liked guys too and I liked girls when I was nine. But until I do finally have sex with a girl, I'm going to be scared about what will happen if I don't like it and that's what keeps me up at night and keeps me from just enjoying the life I live. Instead it's constantly on my mind and I can't just cross that bride when I come to it or anything. ---------- Post added 14th Mar 2013 at 12:34 AM ---------- Also, thank you for the advice I just wonder if I'm going about this the wrong way and if sex isn't everything. But I do feel it's important.
I have had relationships with both men and women, mostly women for years of trying to "fix" myself. Anyway, when you mentioned falling in love with a girl and then not liking the sex, it made me think about my past experiences. I can remember several very boring sexual encounters with both sexes. Felt like we were going through the motions, but the men and women that I have been in love with were different. The sex was excellent in both cases. Sometimes I think we tend to over think and make a mountain out of a mole hill(for lack of better terminology). I would suggest keep putting one foot in front of the other, live your life, learn from experiences(bad and good), and keep your head up.
Sexual orientation is defined by who you are attracted to, not by whether you enjoy having sex with them or not. Attraction happens well before actually having sex, so you can figure out your sexual orientation without having sex, by examining your feelings. Just because you had a good sexual experience with your ex-boyfriend, it doesn't necessarily mean you were attracted to him. If your only evidence that you were attracted to him was from the sex itself, you might want to think about it more. Sexual orientation is about desire, not about experience. Some gay people are in straight marriages for decades and have children. It does not mean that they are straight. Having sex will not necessarily resolve your questions. It's entirely possible to have a reasonably good sexual experience with someone that you aren't really attracted to, and definitely even more possible to have a bad sexual experience with someone you are attracted to. Attraction is not the only thing that determines whether the sex is good or not. LGB teenagers have a higher rate of sexual promiscuity because of exactly this kind of thinking, that they have to actually have sex to know their orientation for sure. No one ever says that to straight people. When 12-year-old girls are hysterical over Justin Bieber, nobody asks them, "How do you know you are attracted to him if you've never had sex with him?" Having sex with lots of random people will not help you figure out your sexual orientation, but it will put you at higher risk for teen pregnancy and STDs. Gay people are more likely than straight people to have been involved in a teen pregnancy, because they have straight sex that they wouldn't ever have if they were actually straight, because they are trying to "test" or "prove" their orientation. It's unnecessary, your feelings are enough information. If you are attracted to someone, you should know it before you have sex with them. Otherwise it's weird. And it's attraction that you should use to determine your orientation.
I'm attracted to both men and women and I know you can have good and bad sexual experiences with any relationship, but I feel like sex is important in a relationship and even if I end up with several girls over the years, what if I don't enjoy sex with ANY of them? It might just be paranoia, I might just have to accept to "cross that bridge when I come to it" but it worries me. I can be attracted to someone without having sex with them, but the sex will be important at some point and it will be something I'll have to deal with. ---------- Post added 14th Mar 2013 at 11:19 AM ---------- I've liked more chicks than I have dudes but after only having sex with dudes, I'm scared and confused. And a bit angry about it. Hence the name
