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Honestly have no idea what I am. Help guys

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by SeanF615, Mar 17, 2013.

  1. SeanF615

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    So ever since I've had this little sexual orientation crisis, and I have an iPhone, I started doing constant checking and research on other people experiences with his/her sexual identity. That's how I found this site and it legitimately seems like a safe community, wo sorry, and I'm sure you guys get these alot, but here goes another "what do you think I am" thread. I'm a guy btw.

    I grew up thinking i was 100% straight. Crushed on girls, risked my shit by looking at porn wherever and whenever I could (all of women). Maybe I even started too early. I just know there was a genuine "spark/need/just that intense horniness that needs a release" feeling with girls. The first girl i did everything with was my freshman year of high school, and getting some pretty much took precedent over anything. But then the whole bad breakup/heartbreak thing happened, and it made me a wreck. The girl also told all of her friends at school (it's a small private school by the way) about how "small" I was and how "bad in bed" I was, which made it pretty much impossible to hook up anymore. So I became a loner and started to overdo it on the porn, and like I'm sure happens to many people, it escalated, you know normal sex-lesbian-threesomes - anal -animals (ok that one may not be normal) - gangbangs - forced- tranny- then eventually gay.

    The fact that gay porn got me off is what started the snowball effect of constant questioning. I would have no problem being gay, my family wouldn't really accept it but you know, whatever I'd just wait until I'm out of college and on my own. The thing is though, I'm a person who over thinks everything and second guesses everything. I've watched gay porn and had gay fantasies, but there's a part of me that thinks i may have just overthunk my way into this whole mess. I'll give some of the reasons i believe I may not be

    -I can't watch any type of gay porn, only the kind where the element of power is very present. One person dominating another. This leads me to believe i may not be gay, just enjoy the power exchange and can relate to the submissive male, lately the desire to be the dominator has been growing though.

    -I still watch straight and lesbian porn, both of which get me off pretty quickly, especially Milf/mom videos.

    -I have a girlfriend, and when we kiss i always get a massive hard on. Actually all of sex with her is fantastic. I love her giant boobs and just everything about her. It's just sometimes when we hook up ill lose my erection, and I'm not sure why. I initially thought it was performance anxiety because i do get the thoughts such as "alright, stay hard lets do this" and that's when I lose it. But since I'm also an excessive worrier i think "what if I'm gay."

    -If drunken words are sober thoughts, when I'm drunk I never have an issue staying hard with my girl and drunk sex is just, well fucking awesome. Maybe because it helps turn my brain off, idk.

    -To put an end to my worrying, I recently decided to go to this gay guys house and experiment. When I first got the idea, I got really horny. But as usually happens, as the time draws near I get less and less horny, to the point that I have no desire to engage in a gay hookup. The last time i was in this guys house alone and everything, and I could just sense that I wouldn't be able to get hard/enjoy it. But I told myself "you need to do this or you'll worry forever." I didn't want to out of horniness, but rather as a way to achieve closure.

    -When I think of gay sex, it has an, and I'm not sure how to explain it but, an "empty" feeling. But I think that I would still be able to enjoy it if I did. It sounds "fun".

    -I have sexual dreams all the time involving women, and I always wake up with a hard on. Even the days where I'm very unsure, ill have a dream of getting head from a girl the next morning. And ill be hard af.

    -Ive had fantasies of other men having sex with my girlfriend. After researching this i found out this fantasy isn't caused by homosexuality but rather by submissiveness. To be honest, I don't believe people are born gay. I believe people are born with a predisposition to possibly become gay, and environmental factors sort of, "unlock" them. I'm actually not homophobic in any way though, in fact gay people who have accepted themselves are some of the coolest people to be around, because they've gone through periods of unsureness, and are much more understanding towards anyone else who is unsure of themselves, in any part of life.

    -my dad wasnt really around when I was younger, which I know doesn't determine sexuality but it can cause submissiveness.

    -I didn't pursue girls much throughout my teens, not because I didn't desire to, but rather because I was scared they would think I'm inadequate.

    -when I'm out and about, I've never once noticed a guy friend in a lustful way. I always notice girls, and sometimes get chubbys. I've never thought of guys like that in real life, but it could be because I've just programmed myself not to.

    It's just odd because one day ill love sex with my girl, then another i just won't be feeling it. I feel like I should be feeling it all the time. It could just be her, since I've started having regular sex for the first time, I kind of got my confidence back and would like to use it on other girls. So I'm second guessing the relationship and I think that may be a factor in why I wouldn't enjoy sex as much. I also have fantasized about other women while we do it. I tried thinking of men before, but that made me lose my boner. Not sure why, because it can give me one when I think about it other times.

    All of those reasons would make me seem straight. But the fact is I've had gay fantasies before, they're not as prevelant as straight ones, but I have them periodically. They are there. And they work! I just don't believe any totally straight guy would have those. Am i straight/gay/in denial/ maybe bi? I know sexuality is a spectrum, and I shouldn't pay much attention to labels, but the fact is i pretty much have ocd so I feel I need to have one. I know I might get hated on for this, but I kind of believe the notion that men can't be bisexual. I would just like to hear you guys' input, maybe find out if my story relates to anyone else's out there.
     
  2. Beatzboi

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    Hey man. This really caught my eye as I'm kind of in a similar boat to you. I plan to experiment a bit before I'm totally sure. I want to try passionately kissing a guy and seeing what vibes I get off it. It does sound like you much prefer women though, so maybe a more feminine guy might be a good start.
    Good luck, I hope you work out who you are!
     
  3. AloneAsian

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    You don't need to be 100% straight or gay to be into girls and still have physical attraction to guys. Really, you should think about what you want in terms of a relationship or sex. Because you mentioned that gay sex gave you an "empty feeling," I think that you have gay fantasies because it was one of many alternatives to the porn you normally watched.

    It seems that you're looking for sexual attraction more than anything else. Based on the information you gave me, it seems that you are more heterosexual than bisexual-- you feel excitement with females but not with males (although, if you feel like you're pushing away gay excitement instead of naturally allowing feelings to come out, then something else may be at work here).

    I myself am in the opposite situation to you. I have sexual/physical attraction to men (really hot girls can only turn me on to a lesser extent) even though I never act on my sexual attractions. I've never had a love interest but I started in gay porn and started moving towards straight porn. Now, I just watch a lot of random TV dramas to satisfy my romantic needs. So, I guess my advice is not one of "I'm in the same boat" but rather "I'm looking at you from across the lake."

    I hope my response helped and good luck to you.
     
  4. ChromeNerd

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    I think you are straight. It is normal to get turned on by "shocking" porn. You just liked gay porn because you were tired of all the other porn. Try not watching porn for a while.
     
  5. AKTodd

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    I think you're a straight guy who has some worry/anxiety issues. You're able to get off to gay porn because it's sex and at some level you're probably able to relate to what the actors are supposedly feeling. It doesn't mean you want to do what they're doing. You're apparently sufficiently open-minded enough that the idea of gay sex doesn't bother you as an abstract concept, but being straight, it's not something your body is really wanting to do.

    Ultimately, I'd advise just not worrying about it. You seem to be having a very good time with your girlfriend and with women in general. If, at some point in the future, you have an experience with a guy (one that just happens naturally, not something you force yourself to do because you feel you should or something) and like it, then think of it as broadening your horizons and move on rather than attaching a label to yourself. Maybe a good rule of thumb is that labels belong on soup cans, not people.

    Regarding a few of the other points you mentioned:

    a) You sound like you're psyching yourself out when you have performance issues with your girlfriend. Learn to relax and not worry too much and it should help in this area a lot.

    b) Bear in mind that even the horniest guy can have performance issues sometimes. They usually happen less when you're younger, but they can happen just the same.

    c) Virtually everyone can have periods when they aren't really into their significant other/don't feel like sex with them. Virtually all guys in relationships or marriages or whatever also masturbate by themselves at least sometimes (because sometimes you just don't want to worry about anyone but yourself) or go through periods where they just don't feel like sex. Unless you're going months on end with no interest in sex of any kind, I wouldn't worry about it.

    My 2c worth,

    Todd