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A phase

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by MerBear, Mar 17, 2013.

  1. MerBear

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    okay, so here a lot of girls and guys talk about "i may be going through a phase"

    And i have thought this too, and i think it's necessary for this thread to be used to explain
    "A phase"

    for me personally, i stared questioning my sexuality when i was 15 ....and i thought "no way"
    i was always liked guys , then i started remembering crushes i had on some girls then i thought, no maybe , i just admired them but i had a crush on a girl at the time , i was questioned and i questioned everything , i felt....and i got paranoid about it but overall, i thought it was a phase........i thought in a year, i'd get over it but i didn't

    so i accepted that i just wasn't straight.

    there are times where i think, im just tricking myself and i may be going through a phase but it goes away quickly

    i think, this thread should explain the definition of a "phase" for the people who wonder if they are going through that thought

    so first off.....i guess we start off

    what is a phase?

    and some may ask how long can it last but in my opinion, it depends on the person, i guess

    but sexual orientation itself is NOT a phase
     
  2. Leutheria

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    Yes. This is me all the time.

    Personally I despise the word phase - it sounds like something childish and petty. I don't like it when it's used to describe sexuality because it makes it sound like questioning your sexuality is something to be ashamed of. It's not. Calling it a phase has always sounded condescending to me. :/

    Anyway. A phase would be an intense interest or fixation that wears off quickly, like within a year or so. I don't really know how else to define it - you think you like something a lot and then all of the sudden you realize you don't. It's something you grow out of.

    I think maybe it would be easier or more useful to describe what a phase isn't? For example, some people react with derision when a bisexual marries a man and say her bisexuality was just a phase. This is stupid because bisexuality refers to an attraction to BOTH men and women, and acting on interest to one gender doesn't mean you don't like the other.

    That's all I can think of right now. I'll keep mulling this over and come back with more, 'cause this is a topic pretty close to heart. :slight_smile:
     
  3. MerBear

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    yeah and if anyone else wants to add

    what a phase isn't.
    i actually was going to put that but i didnt get to.
     
  4. Stripe101

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    I was in denial that I was gay for probably a little over six months. I thought it was a phase but then I thought about it and realized how girls were never that interesting to me. It's kind of funny how quickly I figured myself out... It takes some people their whole lives.
     
  5. MerBear

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    yeah. i kept thinking....and i still think at times
     
  6. Robellious

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    I'd say phase is a word used to deny yourself. Because even though many people say its "just a phase" it's still a part of ones self. I'd rather say realization; so that you 'just realized' you like men/women/ect.. rather than saying its 'just a phase'
    I'm not sure if I helped or not but I'm pretty sure that's what nearly everyone who went though denial may have called it. coming from a person who recently came out.. :slight_smile:
     
  7. Leutheria

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    Me too. :slight_smile:
     
  8. MerBear

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    i hope this thread helps some people, understand some things about sexual orientation
     
  9. Hopeful

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    I've always thought being bi or pan is interesting and I don't know if I truly have feelings for other women or if it's more of a fascination than anything else. I consider myself to be curious right now, and don't know if it'll develop into my orientation being bi or pan or if I'm straight.
     
  10. MerBear

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    i always look at who i would rather be with....in the future or just plain dating
     
  11. Leutheria

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    Alright, back with a couple more thoughts.

    First of all, I think the whole phase idea isn't as common as some of us make it out to be. It's mostly a form of denial, like Conter said; it's easier to call it a phase than accept it at face value. Therefore the person in question might refer to their sexuality as a phase to avoid dealing with it. Also parents who don't want to accept their children's sexuality will likely right it off as a phase. Other people and society in general might someone coming out as a phase because they're simply scared of homosexuality or bisexuality.

    So I don't think we should be nearly so scared that our own desires are phases. Of course it might happen, but it probably won't, and if it does we have nothing to be ashamed of. I mean, I guess all us gays have already dealt with one phase in our lives - heterosexuality. XD

    My advice to anyone worried that they're going through a phase is this: wait and see. The only thing that determines if something is a phase is whether or not it ends, so waiting is the only way to find out.
     
  12. MerBear

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    how long though? i guess thats a stupid question....but i guess some might ask that
     
  13. Leutheria

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    I don't know. It's been about six months and I'm still waiting myself.
     
  14. MerBear

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    i hate being confused personally....it sucked and may suck if i question again
     
  15. Leutheria

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    LOL yes. It's the worst feeling ever. There are some days when I wish there was just like a blood test to determine sexuality or something... No such luck.
     
  16. MerBear

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    i'd kill for that
     
  17. Christianna

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    I always thought a phase was what my mother went through when she told me my life of dreaming of being a girl was just a phase....
     
  18. MerBear

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    hahaha. you ma'm have a very valid point
     
  19. Christianna

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    YAY I WAS RIGHT ON SOMETHING WOOOOOOOO lol thanks :slight_smile: