I'm female, 29 years old and I've know that I was Bi since I was a teenager. According to kinsey scale tests I am a 4. Lately I am starting to wonder if I might be gay. I feel like I'm too old to be figuring this out now. I also have a boyfriend currently who I have been with for a year. A few months ago I started losing interest sexually in the relationship and started gaining interest in women. When I think about guys its very lukewarm. When I think about women its totally different. Normally I date men because I get along with them very well. I have tried to date women a few times but didn't pan out. I have been in two other long term relationships (several years long) with guys and it went down the same way both times. I usually end up single for a long time and then a guy will ask me out. It starts out really well but I lose interest half way through. I still love them but the sex does nothing for me. I start to think about women and go into panic mode. I start to freak out about being with the guy indefinitely and never getting to do anything with a woman again. But I stick it out because I care about the guy. Eventually the relationship ends for another reason and I feel like a weight is taken off my shoulders. I swear I'm going to try to find a girlfriend but it just doesn't happen. Then the cycle repeats. The only relationship with men that I was super turned on by was a poly relationship with two guys who were also involved with each other. My question is am I gay? Is this just a problem Bi people face in long term relationships? I have never been in a long term relationship with a woman, I don't even really have that much experience sexually with them. I don't know that if I was with a woman long term that I wouldn't have a similar freak out about liking guys. What I do know is that I am definitely more attracted to women than men and more prone to intense crushes on them. Part of it is that I am almost 30 and I like women and I haven't really been able to explore that side of myself. I feel like I'm living a lie. When I think about marrying a guy it makes me panic, when I think about marrying a woman it sounds better in my head. I am super confused and I don't want to hurt my boyfriend but I feel like I can't go on like this. I need to figure it out because I am miserable and think about this all the time.
Hi sweetheart, I'm in the same boat as you. I've been involved with my girlfriend for 3 years. I had always fantasized about girls, but I'm coming to a realization that I may be gay. That I have stronger attraction to guys. It's causing me so much distress, because it has affected my attraction to her, in spite of an active sex life with her. I hope it's just a phase, as I'm discovering my bi-side, but I'm highly doubting it. I don't know what to say, other than to give you a big hug, and know that you will be ok, just like I hopefully will.
It does sound to me like you are probably gay. In any case, the relationship you are in isn't working for you. And you say you are more attracted to women than men. It seems like it might be a good idea to really put some effort toward dating women. Don't expect it to just happen--you will have to actively seek them out in a way you don't have to do with men.
