Hi everyone, I have posted a few times on my confusion towards my sexual orientation, I really have no idea what I'm supposed to do with this. I have been married for 4 years and have 2 kids. Before my husband I was with a few women who I did love but I would always leave when I was attracted to guy. I stopped sleeping with women a few yrs before I met my husband, even though I liked women sexually, I just couldn't forget men. It seemed like I had to like a guy first then I would have sexual feelings for him. I was very much attracted to my husband, I was so happy. I have also suffered from anxiety in the past and as we got closer for I felt I just didn't feel right, my stomach would literally hurt when he came near me...still does. Then I started putting 2 and 2 together and started wondering if I was a lesbian, that's why I can't stay close to men. I do like women sexually...I just can't seem to stay in love with anyone. When I'm with a man after a while I get bored and want to be with a woman, when I'm with a woman, I can't forget about men. I thought I was maybe hetero romantic bisexual, but really, I can't even label this. I'm feeling really lonely and I think I want to be with a woman again, but then I keep meeting men I am attracted to. I'm not sure what to do, if it was just men I was attracted to then I would dismiss it as I did at one time have the same feelings for my husband. I feel excited when I think of being with a woman, but then when I meet guys that excitement goes away and I want to be with them. This is so confusing =( ---------- Post added 24th Mar 2013 at 08:56 PM ---------- I don't want to keep going back and forth all the time, especially since I have children now. I don't know, I kind of look at a relationship as a 2 people thing, but it seems like with me I would benefit more in being with a woman (since I am more attracted to them sexually) but being able to have sex with men on the side (my stomach hurts when I get into relationships with guys). I do have intense feelings for men, I have never gotten butterflies, giddyness for a woman only for men and thats why I like the sex. But I seem to be attracted to every women :/
It may help for you to hear that sexuality is very, very diverse. There are terms that you might find enlightening, in a sense. Attraction can be split into two things: sexually / physically, and emotionally / romantically. Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, and more Heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, panromantic, aromantic, and more Most people are emotionally / romantically attracted to what they're also sexually / physically attracted to. So, for instance, a gay man is homosexual as well as homoromantic (romantically / emotionally attracted to the same sex). But sometimes things aren't so easy. Someone could be asexual (lack of sexual interest) but also heteroromantic. It's possible you're some mix of these terms. It's also possible that you don't clearly fit any of these labels. That's fine as well. Many people can't identify with labels, because feelings sometimes can't be described with just one blanket word.
I know this might sound daft, and I know how difficult it is when you have kids, but have you considered just trying to be single for a bit? Not sexually inactive, but not in a relationship. I've just come out off the back of an 11 year marriage, I wouldn't mind a bit of sex but as far as a relationship goes, not at the moment. Maybe you just haven't found the right person yet... Sexuality is hard because there's never just one answer.
You are always on about wanting to be with men even though they make you sick, Maybe you should consider the possibility that you submit to men only out of guilt, Thinking you owe them something and that you are always in debt to them. This however makes perfect sense if taken your history in account of being molested as a child by men, You could still be in that mindset, Trapped in the play of power - adult overpowering a helpless child, Maybe you have lost all sense of innocence a long time ago, You do not know what it is and never did therefore you associate abuse as the perfect image - your innocence also being with men makes you feel less guilty about who you are, using it as an excuse to feel perfect/innocent. Maybe you should stop seeing your true sexual orientation as disgusting, Otherwise you would just sleep with men out of self-hate.
