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Am I just scared?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by estrella, Mar 25, 2013.

  1. estrella

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    I have always liked girls--even if I went through life thinking of myself as straight. Girls have always turned me on, whereas guys have done just the opposite. When I was in my mid teens, I came out as bi, with a preference more for other women. I'm 19 now, and I have--again--come out but as lesbian.

    But I really want to get to "befriend" a guy, maybe because I never had a male figure in my life (no father, uncles, etc). Whenever I get lonely or sad, I tend to think out my emotions, and it always creates this scenario where I'm talking to some guy and he is so sweet and loving towards me. (As crazy as it sounds, it's helped me through some rougher times!) Maybe he's replacing that figure I never had? ....I dunno.

    And even though it's not sexual in those thoughts, it can sometimes get there. I mean, maybe I'm a bi-curious lesbian (haha)? I've had an incident where things were pretty tough and that tainted my already stained image towards men.

    Sometimes I just want to more or less know what it can be liked being touched by a guy without freaking out or being hurt. It's kind of a fear that stops me from doing a lot--be it with another person in bed or another thing entirely. Guys haven't turned me on, but I sometimes think I'm just too afraid.

    Labels are kind of important, and hopefully this all makes sense. If not....:tantrum:


    Thanks. ^-^
     
  2. LD579

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    It's difficult to say, in this case, I'd say. It's possible you harbour only emotional / romantic, or sexual / physical, attraction to males. Or it's possible you harbour both of those, but on a much smaller degree than you do for females. You say guys haven't turned you on, so I'd guess that maybe you're capable of feeling some sort of emotional / romantic connection to a guy.

    Many times, sexuality isn't best described with a few choice words. I guess you could say that you're straight-curious, or reverse bi-curious? Or maybe it'd just be called bi-curious.

    Does the fear you describe affects how you act towards girls, or only guys, or both? It sounds like it affects both, and it sounds like you think you might not be attracted to guys physically because you're afraid somehow. That's plausible... There's not much I can say, but what you did write did make sense, if it's any consolation. =p

    You say you want some sort of male figure in your life. While things are a bit different for me, since I have an uncle and other 'uncles', a dad, and grandfathers, I still feel the same way, actually. I've never been close to guys in general once I turned like 10 or so, and I feel like I'm missing out in a way. Even though I'd love to have a cool relationship and all, I'd also like having some friendships with guys, too. If nothing else, we can commiserate with each other, in style. :sunglasses:
     
  3. estrella

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    I don't see my life panning out with a guy in the same way I do another lady. I've had a relationship with a girl once and I absolutely loved it--that is, until it ended. With the guys, I was waiting for it to be over.

    I agree that I have an emotional attraction towards guys, but doesn't that only make them friends in the end? I don't find guys physically attractive like I do females. Maybe it'd be best to accept that fact and steer clear of guys in that sense, since I don't want to end up hurting anybody. Maybe all I need is a friend, one who can understand my wackiness. xD
     
  4. LD579

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    It's difficult to say. I'd say that emotional attraction can overlap with feelings of friendship, but ultimately, they're kind of different. Emotional / romantic love would be like why married people stay with each other (like for example, two 60 year olds, married for 30 years) even when they (in theory) should've gotten sick of each other after all those years.

    So basically, there's overlap, but I'd say they're kinda different. Or, you could think of emotional / romantic love as a really intense connection with a person's personality.
     
  5. estrella

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    Oh, alright. I guess that makes some sense. I keep reading that sexuality isn't clear cut, so maybe those are the only words to describe this. Anyway, I shouldn't worry too much about it. I'm young yet. :slight_smile:

    Thanks, btw.
     
  6. Priiiide

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    How old are you?
     
  7. estrella

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    Not sure what you are pointing out by what my age is?