Very confused: I am 14 and think I might be bisexual. Help?

Hi, Welcome to Empty Closets!

I hate to make you more confused than you are already, but just being in a relationship with a guy does not mean you aren't a lesbian. Lots of people who are gay have straight relationships before they come out to themselves.

You have always assumed you were straight--if you have believed you were straight, it makes sense that you have been pursuing relationships with guys. Some lesbians pursue relationships with guys for decades, and even get married, before realizing that they are really gay. So being in a six-month relationship is not very good evidence by itself.

You are young enough for romantic and sexual feelings to still just be emerging. Some people are very aware of their sexual orientation from a much earlier age, but some people really discover those feelings during puberty. (And some people go into denial and don't accept the truth for a very long time.) So, it would not be unusual for you to be just discovering your sexuality.

It's possible that you are bisexual, but the evidence would be in your feelings, not in relationships that you have or haven't had--and that's true of your feelings for guys as well as your feelings for girls.

Denial can be a very powerful thing, not to mention heteronormativity. You have been taught to expect to have feelings for guys. That effects you. So, I would recommend that you really reflect on whether you feel the same way about guys that your straight friends do. Really think about it, rather than taking it for granted.

Your feelings for girls, on the other hand are contrary to what you've been taught.

It definitely sounds as though you are attracted to girls. So, I think we can rule out the idea that you are straight. I would need more information about your feelings for guys before commenting on whether bisexual or gay would be more accurate.

It isn't very likely to be a "phase." Most likely, you will continue to be attracted to girls.

Regarding you and your friend kissing, you should not be kissing other people while you are in a relationship, unless that is something you and your boyfriend agree on. (No matter what your orientation is, cheating is not okay.) Girls matter just as much as boys, and kissing a girl is just as big of a deal as kissing a boy--or at least, it should be. So, no kissing girls while you are dating a guy.