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Anxiety or Sexual Orientation?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Musician, Mar 25, 2013.

  1. Musician

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    I had all these fuzzy feelings in my stomach and imagining sex with a very good male friend of ours, but when he left, I can definitely see myself fantasizing about girls again. It was very intense, and I couldn't finish eating dinner with my family today. This is all very confusing. Am I really gay? Or do I still have a straight side to me? If so, how can I tell how strong it is? I just want to be with my girlfriend. I don't sound like the usual gay guy, who watched lots of gay porn or checked out lots of guys. I always thought I was straight. What's going on? How do I know where I fall on the spectrum?
     
  2. You need to live with the uncertainty and just live your life. I am also somewhat of the same way, when I am working/busy these thoughts about women don't really cross my mind and I'm all about men, but when I'm bored/not busy I become obsessed with my orientation.

    What does your therapist think?
     
  3. LD579

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    I'll put it this way: some bisexual people have preferences between what they like in a guy or girl. For example, some guy could be called bisexual even if he likes 100% of the guys he sees (not really likely, but still), and only 1% of the girls that he sees.

    Or, as another example, some girl might have thought she was straight all her life, but one day, she met this dashing other female, and felt an intense attraction to this girl, one that couldn't compare to how she'd felt with guys previously.

    Is this girl I mention in example 2 bisexual, or gay, but she just hadn't known it? The answer depends, because there aren't enough details to have a more certain answer. In other words, your situation may be like the girl's in example 2.

    If you feel that you can have a romantic and sexual relationship with a female, then that's great. If you can't, that's perfectly fine as well. The same goes for whether you can with a male, or not.

    Also, some people are only romantically / emotionally attracted to a gender. So, for instance, someone might like guys physically and emotionally, but they also can feel romantic attraction to girls. On the other side, some people are only sexually / physically attracted to a gender. The example directly above can apply as well, switching the adjectives and such around.

    And as a last note, some people are just a mix of all these things. There may not be just a few choice words to describe their varying states of attraction to guys or girls or gender-neutral people. I suggest that you try and think about your sexuality calmly. Your world isn't turning upside-down, so to speak. You're just discovering something else about yourself, which can be a cool thing.
     
  4. cm81990

    cm81990 Guest

    Can't you just say the hell with it and do whatever you feel best for you. If you're feeling for a guy, go for it! If it's a girl, go for it! This whole gender division and picking sides is ridiculous. You do not need a label for it. Go with the flow my friend. You'll find more peace that way than simply trying to overanalyze this to death.
     
  5. Musician

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    True. I guess I just have false hopes for my future marriage, which now won't happen.

    Btw, I did ask my girlfriend if she would marry me, if I was straight and had my head on right. She said, "definitely yes". That was what I wanted to hear my whole life from a girl I love. I just do not see the marriage ever happening, but to hear it was so meaningful.
     
  6. BudderMC

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    If you're not attracted to your girlfriend, why are you still together with her? It just drags the process out and makes it harder for both of you in the long run.
     
  7. Musician

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    Well, I'm attracted to her. I'm with her because I love her on so many other levels besides that. It's like that triangle you showed me. I've got two out of the three at 100%, and the passion at like 50%. I'm also with her because we live together and we do share a life together. And we are best friends. It's just the transition right now from being lovers to friends (with some benefits of course) that's so hard. Knowing we won't have that future we always dreamed of. That's what's so hard and sad for me. And everything else in life that goes together with that dream falling apart.

    I also know we cannot have the future with the passion/attraction/arousal at 50%, because I will be lonely for something with a man. It's just the transition and the adjusting that is so hard. But to lose her completely will be a million times harder. I think I am maximizing whatever is there at this time. It's just letting go of the relationship like that is so freaking hard. But the friendship will be there forever. That I am certain of.