Alright..sooo..first thread here..and..well...i'm confused.. Been struggling with whether I'm a FtM past few days..maybe weeks...i don't know..Days form together, making it difficult to actually tell haha... Sooo... Past few days...mostly yesterday and today..been thinking of 'how i see myself in 10 years' or so and well...I can imagine being a girl with a husband and kids but then i can see myself being a guy married to another guy, with a cute son and beautiful daughter, a happy family and not a lot of dysfunctional things like in mine. With my short hair i loved it. How i would dress boyish and act like a guy, i loved it. Until my mom started complaining to be more girly...which at times i do. Normal TomBoy and have my girly moments. But i've been thinking. I look at myself as a gay guy..when i look in the mirror and see the long girl hair i have and stuff..it looks alien to me. I'm so use to seeing the short brown hair, bangs covering my eyes a bit and my glasses on, baggy boy clothing, it looks so normal to me. It's weird...I can imagine myself as a guy and be happy. Which leads to another problem, my mom. I'm her only daughter and she loves fixing my hair, making me look girly and stuff, y'know, mother things. And i love it too but most times i like acting like a guy. This whole thing has been eating me up.. I can imagine having a boyfriend, being a guy, growing up as a guy, going into the Air Force or become an Anime artist with my husband and adopted kids/donated. But i don't know if the Air Force would let a transgender in.. I feel so lost..when i see my body, i don't cringe because well..i don't. I have to preference, i don't care about body features, only the personality. If you have a personality that i like, I'll start to have a crush on you. But the thought of having a guy body...makes me more happy. You know that feeling where it feels like on the inside you have weights that are holding you down? Yeah i have that feeling. Then again, i wanna Cross Dress but i highly doubt my mother will let me... i have so many questions about this..but i can't think of much at the moment, my head is just so..lost. So many thoughts and it's all a big jumble..haha....so uh....i don't know....
