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I keep hearing I need to experiment

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by annonnn, Mar 25, 2013.

  1. annonnn

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    I am a 21 and I think I might be a lesbian.
    Yet I do not seem to be able to accept it or realize it for more than a brief amount of time. I am completely turned off by the idea of heterosexual sex and would be more than happy to never see a naked man. I actually grimace at the thought. I have been told I need to experiment with a woman and I can never know for sure if I don't. Is that even true? Is it possible that I will finally kiss a woman and all of a sudden become attracted to men?

    How do I go about "experimenting"? I am still completely in the closet and I am not ready for people to know I am questioning because I still have so many fears and doubts. I live in a city that is apparently filled with lesbians so I guess that is not a problem. I just cannot see myself walking into a gay bar by myself or getting involved in the LGBT community before I am sure and ready to be out. I also have no lesbian friends... :confused:

    Here is a bit of background if you are interested...
    I have never been in a relationship or slept with anyone. I have kissed two guys (within the last year) and both times felt nothing physically. After that last kiss I was laying in my bed and realized that I did not want a man next to me. When I considered the idea of a woman there I felt a rush of butterflies, I had this huge smile, and I couldn't think of anything else but this imaginary woman and just how much I could see myself loving her. I still get those butterflies every time I imagine myself with a woman! And I get incredibly turned on when I see pictures of naked women. Not to mention when I see two women kiss! :lol: I cannot help myself but check out women on the street. I have written three full pages of signs that I refused to acknowledge pointing to the fact that I may be gay. Between the depression, anxiety, self harm, eating disorder, and living in the bible belt I had not a clue who I was growing up. I am now in complete recovery and living on my own and for the first time actually meeting myself. (Just more proof that life never happens as you plan it!) I am also nervous about the idea of finding out that I am straight. As if I would lose some incredible dream and I would be forced to be with men for the rest of my life. It sounds so sad and empty to me.
    This is all just so confusing!
    I must say, if you read this far, thank you!! Seriously!! I know it was a long post and hopefully parts of it actually made sense! :thumbsup:
     
  2. Caudex

    Caudex Guest

    You're definitely not straight, and you don't seem attracted to men, so I really don't think there's any other possibility.
     
  3. Ettina

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    I've never heard of it happening.
     
  4. FruitFly

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    People are very keen on spreading a pseudo-fact that you have to experiment in order to know your sexuality. That is not true. It is not a necessary part of your sexual journey to experiment with a gender you have no desire to be intimate with.

    Experimentation is something some people do, and for some people it is an important part of discovering their sexuality. They may find the idea of same-sex relations exciting but living them out is not something they enjoy. Some may just do it because they're horny and want to see if they can enjoy it. The need to experiment (and what that experimentation entails) differs from person to person.

    However you have kissed men, in essence you have experimented and discovered that you feel nothing for the men in those encounters and you have no desire to engage in sexual relations with a man. As the thought of being with a woman makes you feel entirely different I think you've done as much experimentation as you need to test whether or not feelings for men will develop. Given your reaction to the two kisses you have had you're unlikely to find that kissing a woman will make feelings for men come flooding in; if you do that would be a rather interesting reaction.

    If you go out and start kissing women, the worst reaction you're likely to get is that you do not enjoy kissing that particular woman as much as you thought you would. I mean, some people go and discover their first kiss with another woman is full of fireworks and magical moments. That does not always happen, but everything you've stated in your original post indicates that even if your first kiss with another woman is not the firecracker you'd like it to be, it's likely to at least be full of a little more feeling than your previous experiences with men.
     
  5. TheCatLady

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    OMG this could have been written by me. :eek: I'm meeting myself only now, at the age of 24...and I have the same fear: trying with a woman and then discover that I'm straight. I don't know why but I'm starting to accept and love the idea of being a lesbian while the idea of being straight depresses me a lot. If I think to share my life with a man I feel terrible , I've had different guys and everything was so dull and without strong emotions. And like you I really don't want to lose this wonderfull dream where I love women..:icon_sad: So, you're not alone!!! (*hug*)
     
  6. Wolfie Charm

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    Yeah, you are definitely not alone. I have kissed a girl before and loved it, but I still have the same worries. Go figure.
     
  7. Zannan

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    No, you don't need to experiment to know. Does evreyone experiment with their crush to find out if they're really crushing on them? I mean if you don't then you could be wrong because you have to experiment first because you don't know your true feelings without experimenting.
    Some people experiment just to be sure and that's perfectly fine. Some people don't. Experiment if you & you only think you need to.
     
  8. annonnn

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    I just realized that my response that I thought I posted with my phone a few days ago did not go through. I am so sorry!! In a way it is good because these last 24 hours have been so, different!
    I cannot tell you how releived and supported I felt after reading your responses. Knowing that there are others that understand this feeling is the most incredible gift. I am sending hugs out to each and everyone one of you! (*hug*)
    I had a moment last night where I truly acknowledged that I am not straight. Where I realized that so many of the thoughts I was having were from a place of denial. Putting on any label is too uncomfrtable but I know that I want to be with only women. I felt more connected to myself than I ever have. It happened when I realized I was not just wondering what it would be like to lay next to a woman, but was simply wanting her to be there right then. It wasn't a question. It was pure desire. It felt like I was more honest than I ever have been with myself!
    I have no idea if this feeling will stay very long, but I know it gave me a lot of answers I was looking for. So thank you. Thank you so much!!
    I Just wish I had people in my life I could run up to and tell about this! I'm just so excited! :eusa_danc
     
  9. Wolfie Charm

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    All right! That’s excellent!!(*hug*) I think the longing feeling stays for the most part. You know, until that empty space on the bed is filled. :slight_smile: I’ve had it a couple weeks now. There was one or two lapses in the beginning, but for me that came from a weird dream about a hideous (and arranged) marriage that failed because he brought all his exes and gave them gifts lol. (But I was way more interested in the blonde next to me anyway :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:) I rambled. Sorry lol