I have been dealing with this "questioning" for a couple months now and finally I just want to relax and go back to my normal less anxious self.. It started after I ended it with a girl who everyone said she was perfect and I should jokingly marry this girl. Things were great, loved cuddling, the sex was amazing, but didnt want commitment. I think this has to do with us being such good friends forever and we just transitioned quickly to having sex. My first love fucked me over multiple times and I had major trust issues. My next serious girlfriend lied to me about something serious for 6 months we dated, which up until this point it was great. I've always felt different growing up, just like more reclusive, didnt make a lot of new friends tons of anxiety just being in public by myself up until I was 20. Then I became more outgoing landed a great job and travel a lot. Now I have these constant conflicted thoughts. Where I'm like what if I'm not always in relationships because I'm gay? And since its been a back and forth: I think I'm gay? Nah I'm not. The thing is I don't have fantasies about guys or anything it's just the thought: could I be gay? Ill have random thoughts like man I want a girl I call my own and wrap my arms around her and just be hers. But I don't seem to be like my other guy friends who always are out "scouting" for girls. I've never been into flings or one night stands although I have before but I have too many anxious thoughts about STDS for all that. I have watched all kinda of porn straight, gay, bi and it all turns me on. I get aroused just being next to a girl in bed or something and love sex with women. I feel like these thoughts are so overpowering that I just can't relax day to day. I've talked to a couple of close female friends who are like I've wondered the same before and one was like I had an attraction to a female before and even had dreams about her so you're normal just relax. I will end with when this thought occurred after this girl I had recently moved out of my parents home. When I'm at my parents, all anxiety goes away and I relax. Thoughts persist but I have better control and can rationalize so what? Questionings normal man and then go about my day. Talking it out seems to be the only cure as I declined trying any more medication from my therapist
To me, it's sounds like you're probably strait, although we'll have to see what other's say about this! ;3 I think the biggest indicator that you aren't gay is the fact that you don't fantasize about having a relationship with another male. Usually, when gay people start questioning, it's like a whirlwind of emotional and moral values come colliding into one another, and same-sex fantasies go on in your head wether you want them to or not. xD So to me it sounds like you're just musing over what being gay would be like rather then actually having a sexual attraction towards guys. Also, you don't have to be like your friends and always scouting out for girls! The right one will come along eventually, and the sooner your friends figure that out, the better. ^.^ You also sound like me: an introvert with adapted extrovert qualities. It explains your 'reclusiveness, didnt make a lot of new friends, tons of anxiety just being in public'. And that's fine dude! We're just introverts living in an extrovert world.
That makes a lot of sense. As a younger kid i got called gay and every other name under the sun because of my music scene dress. Black tight pants longer black hair, etc. so I've always empathized with people who are gay. Like my friend who came out and although not a close friend I defended him because its wrong and I went through the same thing. Although lately I've imagined myself coming out to friends and family, it also doesn't make sense because I lack the part that matters: attraction to same sex. Sure I see a guy who I could call attractive but I never fantasize anything sexual or romantic. Could it be I'm just empathetic with the struggle I know gay people face? Because I know how the ridiculing felt because I wasn't and am not a typical male macho example?
Yeah, and that's really the main difference between fantasizing about being gay and actually being gay. The term gay does entail homosexuality. xD It does sound like you are just empathizing with the LGBT(QA ect., ect.) community- and good for you dude! A lot of the strait people I know just don't want to deal with it, but there're the few that always come along and help! ^.^
I feel like you and me have alot in common. About 3 months ago the questioning began for me and not because I was fantasising about other men but because of how bad I seem to be with girls. I'm 23 and have never had a girlfriend but always wanted 1and have always been attracted to women. When the questioning started it took me by surprise and took over my life (and still is). I don't do 1 night stands, I'm horrible at getting in the friend zone, have been accused of being gay, dont have the big push like most guys to chase women, sometimes admire a good looking guy (not sexually), and just discovered that gay porn can turn me on. I think in the end we need to ask ourselves a couple of questions instead of asking "am I gay?". Can you see yourself being in a relationship with a man? Is there a man that you have seen yourself fantasising about being with? I can honestly say no yet here I am. Commitment isnt easy and seriously I have no idea how im going to handle it when the time comes but when were ready we will know and shouldnt let other people decide for us. Ive found some helpful techniques in taking your mind off the questioning: surround yourself by friends whenever you can, lets the questioing thoughts be and dont give them power, stay active with work chores, exercise, movies, etc. The answers will come to us in time but no need to obsesse about them. Continue your travels and good luck.
That actually made me feel better, transitioning the thought of am I gay to can I see myself with a man. And that is a no i have never fantasized about that. Asking myself am I gay causes a lot of anxiety because of uncertainty, but that other question I can answer with certainty. Thank you for that
