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Bi or lesbian? How to know without experience?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by sage13, Mar 26, 2013.

  1. sage13

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    Hey there! So, I'm pretty sure I'm at least bisexual and might be a lesbian. However, I have no experience what-so-ever with girls and not a lot with guys. I did have a boyfriend, (my first and only somewhat serious boyfriend), for six months last year and we kissed and made-out. At first, it was okay. It was new for me anyways, but after a while it was like I was just going through the motions and I didn't like kissing him at all. (I broke up with him because all I wanted from our relationship was friendship and I was uncomfortable with any physical stuff with him.) Shortly after, I fell for one of my female friends. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Is there any way of knowing if I'm a lesbian or just bisexual without more experience? I have been attracted to girls before, but I don't know if I am attracted to guys. Also, I still find it difficult to accept that I am not straight, so I've been kind of clinging to the possibility that I could be attracted to guys too. It's so confusing!
     
  2. Exoskeleton

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    Let me preface my reply by saying this: I don't know.

    The fact of the matter is, I can't know. I am not sage13 (though that's a pretty cool name). Only you are, and so only you can really answer that question.

    I've recently settled on bisexual as the name for my sexuality. I have to say that there has only ever been one male that I've been attracted to (one is currently my boyfriend). Beyond that, guys have never filled my daydreams. They've never been the lead in my late night fantasies. They've never ignited a stirring in my loins, or inspired me to gaze dreamily at them from across the room. I don't find myself wanting to hug them, cuddle up with them on the beach, kiss them... you get the idea.

    But, I call myself bisexual because one managed to win my heart, and after he did that, I found myself sexually attracted to him.

    I've only ever been in two relationships. The other was a ridiculous stint with a man who I hated and felt no attraction to (ah the joys of youth). So I'm pretty inexperienced. But I don't feel like I need to have a few girlfriends and a few boyfriends to compare, contrast, and analyze. I know that I dream of beautiful women at night, see beautiful women during the day, but beautiful men are apparently super duper insanely rare.

    For a long time I told myself that I totally didn't have a thing for chicks. After all, I was straight. I had to be straight, there was no other option. So I sailed a ship along denial. I didn't--couldn't--think girls were pretty. Well, then I abandoned ship and took a cold plunge in denial. Girls were pretty, but only guys were hot. So I was straight. Mhm.

    Then I faced reality. Straight girls don't find themselves seeing "pretty" girl after "pretty" girl and dreaming of what it would be like to hold and kiss and touch and be with them. Maybe once, for curiosity. Maybe twice, for variety. But repeatedly? If I were to say they did, it would be grasping at straws.

    So, for me, facing the reality of my attraction to females was enough to make me "not straight." One deeply significant relationship with a man was enough to make me bisexual.

    Goodness, that turned out long. I hope you can figure something out. Whatever you settle on, love yourself for it. You are more than your sexuality. :slight_smile:
     
  3. sage13

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    Thanks! :slight_smile: Hopefully I'll be able to figure things out in time.