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Sadistic homosexual fantasies...

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by WhatsWrongWMe, Mar 26, 2013.

  1. WhatsWrongWMe

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    My apologies if this is offensive or inappropriate, but I'm really confused.

    I'm definitely attracted to women primarily, I have no attraction at all to masculinity. I have "normal" personal/sexual relationships with women, but I am a mild sadist and I gravitate toward extreme pornography where women are degraded and humiliated. In practice, I am not into anything too extreme beyond ass 2 mouth or something on that level.

    The confusing part is I also gravitate toward certain homosexual pornography where one of the partners is being used and degraded. I especially like to see men with very small penises being bottoms in anal and also crossdressing and/or effeminate bottoms and men suffering a lot of pain during anal sex. Any kind of kissing, etc is revolting to me. On one occasion I tried to act out my fantasies with a male partner, but when he started trying to kiss me and show affection towards me I felt completely disgusted and lost my erection and made him leave.

    So, anyway, am I bisexual or what is wrong with me? It is okay with me if I am, but I feel like I'm not actually bisexual and just have this weird fantasy/fetish that seems to transcend gender, but in practice I feel no attraction to men.
     
  2. cm81990

    cm81990 Guest

    Before all the kissing and affection, did you experience sexual feelings and desires for that male partner? Did his appearance, looks, build, smell, etc. turn you on or arouse you?
     
  3. WhatsWrongWMe

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    No, not at all. I felt turned off because he was too masculine. The only thing that aroused me was a sense of power and control I had while receiving oral. And never in my whole life have I felt attracted to another man in a romantic way like I'm attracted to women, but I just have this insane fetish which I feel is at odds with my sexual orientation. It's such an awful burden I've been carrying for years and I can't talk with anyone about it for obvious reasons.
     
  4. opti

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    its hard to figure out when your unsure of yourself... things like friends, family, stereotypes, fear, hurt, the past, all can effect your clarity. and if you cannot look at a situation with clarity you simply cannot see.

    in accepting and discovering myself worries about what ppl would think of me was a big thing to deal with and it clouded my sights.

    as for the big question, whats wrong with you?
    nothing! your just learning and accepting yourself, be open, be honest, dont do it alone
    sorry i cant b more help
     
  5. cm81990

    cm81990 Guest

    It's likely you are straight but comfortable from receiving oral from another guy. I'm "okay" with receiving oral from a girl even though I don't sexually desire her or have any inclination to tear off her clothes. What you are feeling is arousal by touch, which does not always line up with your sexual orientation. You can be gay male, but get "hard" if a girl is stroking you off.

    Sexual orientation is more of a deep-rooted sexual desire/inclination/attraction towards a particular gender or genders. You have these sexual feelings prior, during, and after the act. You desire to continually repeat it. You are aroused by the way the person looks, smells, etc. If that only applies to women for you, then you are most likely NOT gay or bi. You seem to be sexually aroused by domination. This appears to be more of something you enjoy in your fantasy than in real life. Even in real life, you find yourself turn off with another male. I used to be aroused by lesbian porn, but never found myself aroused by lesbians in real life or desired to have sex with females. It's all fantasy. I'd leave it at that and just enjoy the porn. Maybe it is not worth repeating it in real life.
     
  6. WhatsWrongWMe

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    I think you are right, but why do I have this obsession/compulsion? I just find it very confusing and disturbing. I know I'm not gay, but I think I might still enjoy acting out my fantasy if the man was very effeminate. I just don't think there are a lot of gay/bi men out there who would just like to be used/abused sexually with absolutely 0 affection, so I haven't pursued it again.
     
  7. Ettina

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    Sadistic fantasies can be a sign of a psychological problem. I'm not trying to freak you out or insult you or anything, but this is one of the characteristics often seen in rapists, so it certainly can be a cause for concern.

    If you would never act on this with an actual person, or only if they consented, and with them able to tell you to stop at any time, then there's no problem. But if you find yourself seriously considering hurting someone against their will, get help.
     
  8. Alyssum

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    No offense, but I think this post is pretty extreme.... BDSM is totally normal, tons of regular people enjoy it. And he said in his post "men out there who would just like to be used/abused sexually", meaning he's taking their feelings into consideration. Again, totally normal. Just because a lot of rapists enjoy sadistic fantasies doesn't mean that a lot of people who have sadistic fantasies are rapists... I guarantee you that most of them aren't. It's just exploring fantasies, you do what makes you feel good with their consent, and there are plenty of people who like being submissive as well.

    On that note, WhatsWrongWMe, there probably would be guys out there who would be into that honestly, but it doesn't sound like it's something that would do much for you in reality. As has been said, not all fantasies translate well into reality, and that's fine. I'm guessing the reason you find it confusing is because you think it's not normal... but it is. There's nothing to be confused about, sexuality spreads far and reaches into some odd places. It's totally natural though, and there's no reason to fight those thoughts. They don't change anything about you or set what kind of person you are, so don't let them get to you. There's nothing wrong with you. :slight_smile:
     
  9. miscast62

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    I have very simular experiences to "what's wrong with me" and it is a difficult situation to understand. Personally I do NOT think there is anything wrong with me, but it does cause some issues. As a married man I can't take part in any man2man relations without being a cheat. Something I do not wish to become and while some judge these things on a different level or point of view its my feeling that I shouldn't have sexual experiences with others no matter their sex without permission from of joining in from my wife.

    I've always had that slight BDSM feeling of either being a DOM or submissive. My man2man experience have always been with me as the "bottom" and most all encounters with women have either been vanilla or as a DOM if she were willing..

    Once I got married though I wanted something from my new wife. I wanted anal and we tried but no matter how easy we took it there was pain. In an effort to keep her willing to try I offered to "give up my ass" thinking my bluff would go uncalled...I was wrong and a strapon is a regular part of our fun now and then.. My beautiful wife does in fact have me wear lingerie and act as a female part, including having a female name. I had assumed she would take a "male role" when she switched but she does not. She spends her time talking about bringing men to use me and though I doubt very much she will Ever attempt to make our's a 3 some. Its just a fantasy to us both.

    I wont want to ask her to actually add that 3rd person be they male or female. Its just simply not our interests to make it real.

    My question or comment is rather like "what's wrong with me" and no I don't like the idea of kissing men either. I don't look at most men as sexy or attractive. It seems more or less to be sexual only in nature. Personally I'd like to know if like me "what's wrong with me" had an experience with a much older man as a child. Yes a molesting is what I'm asking. That is what happened to me at age 11 and while many years ago I dealt with the fallout from that experience. Could it be that those desires to submit to another man come directly from that man and boy dealings at such a young age???

    Trust me when I say nothing anyone can say will offend me in the least...I'll value anyone's opinion as either their experiences or an educated thought expressed by someone with interest, wanting to help..

    I'm certainly glad to have found such an open forum to discuss this issue..