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How to Come Out to a Boyfriend and then leave him for a GIRL? I'm a terrible person.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by TheDoctor11, Mar 27, 2013.

  1. TheDoctor11

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    So, I'm a teenage girl in high school. I'm a wee one, hahah.
    And just recently, I've come to accept myself as gay.

    I've always had this feeling you know? I've always dressed more "masculine" and I've always talked with a lower pitch, always played the male character, etc. And for the past 6 years, I've thought the whole "confusion" excuse was complete bull. But, holy balls was I wrong.

    That confusion is so real, it keeps you up at night and it overcomes you, I've obsessed night after night about this stupid thing. It's kind of stupid because "Are you gay?" Is a question I get a lot. Oh my god, I'm a closet case if there has ever been one.

    Just this past week, I've been able to come to terms with myself because I had the privilege to play Marius in a Les Mis scene for my theatre class. I was paired with a beautiful blonde girl who made me laugh every single day. I was so excited my director finally allowed me to portray a character in drag. And I find myself wondering was this because as an actor, I fooled myself into thinking the passion was real? Or was it true? I now know she's bisexual, but still. I need to know. Hahaha.

    My problem is, is that I'm currently dating a guy. We've been going out for a few months. And just recently, our relationship has majorly hit the rocks. And, I just want to tell him because he deserves to know because he is such a gentleman and treats me so well, but wouldn't it be the biggest slap in the face to end up datin a girl post-breakup? Like a vice-versa of Ellen Degeneres in her first lesbian public relationship.

    I just want to buy her flowers everyday and sing to her and make her smile, and with him, I feel nothing. I'm so confused. How do I come out to a current boyfriend in a way that isn't abrupt making him feel as though that our relationship was a lie? Because I did feel something, however with this girl, it's become so much stronger than any feelings I've ever had for a boy.
     
  2. Musician

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    Re: How to Come Out to a Boyfriend and then leave him for a GIRL? I'm a terrible pers

    Wow, I know what it's like to be in your situation. I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years, and we've lived together for 1 1/2 years. I don't know how to come out. My girlfriend was very accepting. It's been hard because of all we have together, and now knowing that we will have a friendship instead.

    I think it might help to sit him down privately, and tell him how much you love him, that you have attractions/feelings for women, and that you would not be able to be with men at this moment, or probably ever if you are gay. That he in no way is responsible, and how you wish you could have something together. That this is so hard for you, and also, just allow him and yourself to work through your emotions together. You might go through a lot. Allow yourselves to cry together, hold each other, have space from each other, whatever. But you two will go through this process together. Or, he might be cool and accepting. So, I hope you guys will have a meaningful experience and you can find some relief.

    Hugs.

    One last thing, my girlfriend and I definitely would have been married if not for this. And I don't think our friendship has to change. And if your boyfriend feels as important as my girlfriend feels, it might make the process easier. That in spite of your orientation, he means very very much to you.
     
  3. Hexagon

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    Re: How to Come Out to a Boyfriend and then leave him for a GIRL? I'm a terrible pers

    No, you aren't a terrible person. Being gay is not your fault, you didn't choose it, and its not a bad thing. It is your responsibility to let him down as gently as possible, though. I'm not an expert on how to break up with someone, having never done it myself, but I'd imagine you should let him know that you did really have feelings for him, and that he's a great guy, and then be honest about why you're breaking up with him. But you shouldn't be barred from following a path that makes you happy, and it would also be unfair for him to be stuck in a relationship with someone who isn't attracted to him.
     
  4. Ettina

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    Re: How to Come Out to a Boyfriend and then leave him for a GIRL? I'm a terrible pers

    I kind of think it would be easier for him to think you're not into him because you're gay than for him to think you're straight but just don't like him personally.