Desperately want to be Gay

Lord praise those boobs (!)

Now seriously, it's okay to want to be gay, it just means you want to be sure of who you are. by what you're describing I would assume you're more attracted to men (sexually and on a deeper level) than you are to women; that's completely fine. Do you see yourself having a family with a man? you've said it yourself. Does the thought please you more than it would with a woman? You've said it yourself.

(Sorry if it seems as though I'm over simplifying things; I'm not, but you should try to clear your mind for a while, I find that relaxation is the best way to understand yourself. Let the feelings come to you. When you see a man don't wonder if you find him attractive, just let it happen. I promise, it works. I read a book once that said let the gay come to you. Try it on for size. See what you like, without telling yourself what you like.)

 

Well...it kind of sounds like you want a male partner(possibly one with boobs?) don't force yourself to want a woman if it can't happen. You will only hurt yourself in the long run. Also you can adopt kids, MrCake

 

Why do you say loss of privacy and innocence? What do you fear will take those things away?

Also good luck at the Gay bar buddy! I'm sure even the drunkens are there to flirt. (!)

 

Oh I see. Well those can both be good things in a way.

 

Well darling who said it had to be a whore? Just keep your goal in mind. Don't worry, they won't jump out and take it you know

 

I guess you just want to be finally sure of who you are. When I was questioning I wanted to be gay, too, just to be able to say it out loud with certainty. Now I think I'm done with questioning and I guess I'm bisexual, which I haven't yet quite accepted, because I was "used to" the fact that I'm gay (and was perfectly OK with that) which I've told myself a million times during questioning.

 

I don't know why you desperately want to be gay, because from your description it sounds like you are gay. If you don't think you could have a satisfying sexual relationship with a woman, then gay would probably be more of an accurate description of you. It seems like the female body does nothing for you. I'm guessing you admire boobs or think they look nice? Or do you find them arousing? I'm trying to figure out how someone can be turned on by only one part of a particular gender's body but nothing else.

 

You sound pretty sure of what you want to me. One thing i learned from my questioning phases (one of which is on going) Is that admiration is not the same thing as attraction. You can notice a woman and acknowledge that she's pretty but you're not necessarily attracted to her. It's pretty normal actually. Everyone does it.

 

I felt the exact same way for a long time. Really, don't worry. It takes some time, but sooner or later things do work themselves out. But from what you've described it might help to hear that you defiantly don't sound Straight.

 

I know what you mean. I dont want to lose my virginity to just anyone, but because I'm bisexual, I dont know which gender I want to give it to first! Looks like its gonna be a boy at this point but we will see. And dont worry. Things will work out

 

I get that feeling, desperately wanting to be gay. I know (and have always known) for a fact that I like women, just like how you know you like men. It seems to me that you are gay, if you are not attracted to their 'women-parts'. It's quite similar to me thinking I wasn't gay (but wanting to). I can see why some people are attracted to men, they can be very beautiful (like a painting) but I really dislike the intimacy. That's pretty gay. It's just like RedLight said: Admiration is not the same as attraction.

 

It may help to simply choose the label "gay" as a focusing tool.

I know it doesn't "make sense", but assuming a self-definition as gay brings a certain clarity that I perceive is lacking in you.

Once this idea is believed, the idea that you are gay, a whole set of understandings and insights comes into focus, the mind seems to require this. As you learn more, the label may not fit anymore, but for now, accept it, believe it for the foreseeable future and watch what happens!

 

Remember, if you decided you were gay, you wouldn't have to come out to anyone you didn't want to.

In my opinion, the best way to become more confident in general (and with others) is to become fully accepting of yourself. You're questioning yourself and your sexual identity, and that's okay. You don't have to make a decision right away. But one thing you should try to become comfortable with is the idea that, no matter what your orientation, you are still you. You still have value. You are still loved - by others, and by yourself. Whether you're gay, straight, bisexual, etc., you must always love yourself for who you are. When you become unconditionally comfortable and accepting of yourself, your self-worth and self-confidence will grow, and that will make you more confident and less shy. Hope that helps