Lately, I've had these unbelievable fantasies of being with a guy. Like really attracted, it would feel so good, etc. I could have sworn I was turning gay. Thing is, I never even acknowledged my attractions to men before because I was so attracted to women. But now, being in a highly sexual relationship with a woman for the last 3 years, my gay side has started to come out. I came out to myself about a week ago. There are butterflies in my stomach around guys, and definite sexuality. Thing is, today, I'm thinking if I have a sexual relationship with a guy, after a bit, when the newness wears off, I would desperately miss the sexuality of a woman. So is my thinking. The way she moves, her curves, her softness, her sweet voice/song. I have always adored that so much. I just realized that after fantasizing about guys a lot recently, but also thinking of bisexual encounters. That maybe I'm not going in the gay direction, but really, that I'm with a woman all the time and that maybe I miss the bi side of me. Cuz thinking about it, I think if I didn't have a woman, I'd probably crave that sexually more than anything else in my life. Does that make me bi? I would think even split down the middle, but since I have a woman right now, the male fantasy is really driving me. Without a woman, I LOVE the female fantasy very much, and I always have. So I think, but it's been a long time since I've even been single. And I've never even acknowledged my bisexuality before this. Never even occurred to me I could be bi/gay/whatever.
Why can't you just hook up with a guy and not have some long-term thing? Or maybe have a friends with benefits type of thing? You're not giving up women. It's not like when you try it with another guy that you can never be with a woman ever again. It sounds like you are bisexual when you have those "butterflies in your stomach and definite sexuality" towards other guys. I'm guessing you are still in a relationship?
Come on in! The water's fine! You do seem like you could be bisexual. If you've been truly attracted to women in the past and are attracted to men in the present... well, that pretty much fulfills the requirements. Sometimes sexuality can swing widely. For one period of time, you may be attracted to women. For another, your fantasies and cravings may swings toward men. It's called sexual fluidity, if your interested in getting more information. As for your predicament with your girl... You have a few options: 1) Break up with her in order to fulfill your fantasies about men 2) Stay with her despite these new cravings and wait for your sexuality to balance out 3) Have an open relationship, if she's up for it. But you would have to be okay with letting her see other people, and this type of situation can definitely ruin your relationship, especially if any of you is prone to jealousy. You would have to be 100% sure that you could both handle it. With any of these options, COMMUNICATION is crucial. Talk with her and explain what you are feeling. Tell her how you feel about her as well. Good Luck
I'm glad to hear from ilayis on this, because my biggest question was whether males also had this fluidity in sexual tastes. It's seeming to me like this whole male attraction was just me letting go of my homophobia, and finally experiencing what I've been repressing for so many years. Or me just getting tired of my sex life. I don't know if it's true or not, but I do have moments where attractions are shifting back to women, the way I was always aroused. Like being with a man would be kinky, like a new genre of porn, but then maybe I'd get tired of it? I don't know. Or it could be deeper. CM, the reason I haven't experimented yet is because I am in a relationship. I think we could be able to open it up, to have some play on the side. Could be fun. My biggest fear is liking men more for a while because it's new, but then really missing women even more than I'm craving men because I believe that to be my underlying orientation - the one that has turned me on to no limit for many years. Funny, now that I have goosed a few fantasies with men, I am beginning to feel those same feelings I felt for women all those years. That's why I'm wondering if my theory which I stated above might actually be true. Also, this woman that I have is special. I don't want to lose her if it actually turns out to just be a new variety of stimulation - a kinkiness based on some latent bisexuality - especially seeing glimpses of my very strong attraction that I used to have for women - love, perfection, horniness, arousal, etc. Unless I'm in some sort of denial, I don't really know. My mind is playing tricks, I guess. But I do remember loving and being aroused by women, so I'm definitely not making that up. Anyway, good to hear from the bisexuals here. And I'm glad I don't feel as homophobic as I used to. I think that's a great step towards accepting others and myself. Maybe I'm pansexual? Who knows.
I believe men can be just as sexually fluid as women and women just as sexually rigid as men. Basically, fluidity of sexuality isn't limited to one sex over another. The research into male and female sexuality has so many flaws, biases, methodological errors, sampling bias, etc. Ignore all this crap what the media is trying to tell you as well as all this "pseudo-science." In fact, there was a study saying men can't be bisexual! What a load of crap! These are educated researchers with Ph.D's btw! My own sexuality and sexual tastes are very rigid. Rigid like an iceberg. They just never change. Ever. But just because that is my experience, doesn't mean someone else's will be the same as mine. All this research and media bias can't simply provide conclusive answers on the complexity of sexual orientation. I am baffled at what gets passed as science these days and the media runs with it.
Yeah, I've gone through so many phases of what and whom I'm attracted to, it's not even funny. Which is bizarre, because I just read a study that when studying the rigidity of male attractions vs. female attractions, this one study said that male attractions can't be conditioned through methods like CBT, while female ones can. Here is the article. What do you think of it? Male Sexual Orientation is Fixed by Age 15; Female Sexual Orientation is Apparently Changeable | Beyond Highbrow - Robert Lindsay
Sexuality can be very fluid, so you can have feelings for women one month and then feelings for men another month (or whatever time period). You definitely sound bi.
I think it is hogwash. There has never been a study and I repeat never been a study that looked into the stability of sexual orientation across one's life span. We don't know how fluid or rigid sexuality truly is. Most of these rely on self-report, which isn't scientific in my opinion. Sorry I don't buy it at all. My one friend is an example of a gay guy turned bi in his late 20's. He was out, knew he was gay, found women boring up until a couple years ago.
I guess so. I think the bisexual community will attest to shifting tastes. Even me, I realized I'm not even getting off to men anymore, but more women again. Who knows, tomorrow I could be gay as a rainbow or straight as an arrow. Or in between. It's weird. I was just thinking about the Kinsey scale. That it was a compilation of behaviors, and it didn't account for fluidity in tastes. And he had criteria like homosexual men being together exclusively for three years or something, and seeing how exclusive their relationships were. And that I don't know if it meant gay men married to women were on the straight end of the spectrum or vice versa. I'm totally confused by this whole thing. I guess the media has its spin. I guess it really hasn't been carefully studied. So CM, I totally hear ya! And interesting story about your gay friend. I kinda think of it this way. I love cooking. I almost never cook the same thing twice. I love variety. One day I like blonde chicks. I guess next day I like bears. A third day young girls. Another day milfs, and the fifth day twinks a little. I guess some people like something different all the time. And that we can always cultivate taste, like people who hate cheese or olives growing up and then somehow become connoisseurs of those things. It all goes back to the amygdala in the brain, which doesn't care who it's fucking, so long as it's mating. And I think many more people are capable of acquiring tastes to underlie the need to eat/mate. So if we're stuck in a place with meat and potatoes only, and someone introduces foie gras, the amygdala doesn't care. It's hungry. I guess we are born with basic orientations (somewhere on a 0-100 scale let's say), but tastes can be acquired too. That would explain why "straight" people for millenia have been schtucking guys and why in some countries gay men are relegated to the roles of having sex with straight men (I think I read about this somewhere in Africa). Also would explain so many "straight" people watching gay porn these days. If I have been completely off-base here or completely misinformed/misinforming, please tell me.
