My sex is female. Until about a year back, I have always been female, no problem. Yes, I've always been a little different and was a bit of a tomboy when I was younger, but as I grew older I started shaving my legs, painting on makeup, and chasing after boys like the rest of my female peers. However, as I started middle school, I realised that I didn't really want to do any of those things. A few years ago I began to accept myself as bisexual, yet I still didn't start to think of myself as anything but female. But, the more I grew, the more uncomfortable I began to get with my body. For a while I drastically changed, attempting to be as feminine as possible in order to be comfortable with myself. That didn't work at all, and I went back to just being "normal." About a year or so ago, I wondered what it would be like to be a guy. At first, it was just a brief thought. Then an idea. Then a little voice in the back of my head. Now, I can't get through the day without thinking about it. I think I want to be a male. But I don't really find myself fitting into any catagory. Does anyone have any advice?
I don't know if this'll help, but what you're describing is a process many people go through. Personally, when I was little, I was a tomboy, then I had a phase where I dressed like a girl. Then for the last few years I have been dressing more and more like a guy. Right now, all I own is guys clothes and I have a male sense of identity. I know you probably don't want to hear it, but with time, you'll become more sure of yourself. I wouldn't get too hung up on labels, but if you feel like it, mentally try one on for a while. See how it fits, and then try another. It sounds like you're doing a fair bit of introspection, which will help you figure things out. If you ever want to talk things out with someone, I'm always open for it.
I know how difficult that can be... When I was a kid I didn't care a shit about stereotypes, etc. and I was a short-haired, boyish girl (AKA a tomboy), lots of people mistook me for a boy, and I didn't mind that at all. In high school it turned around again, I started acting more 'female', and though I still never wore makeup and wasn't quite the stereotypical girl, I still grew my hair out, occasionally painted my nails and stopped buying stuff from the men's section. I never felt offended when anyone addressed me as a female or anything. I felt horrible in my body, and ugly, and I blamed it on my small breasts, lack of female curves, etc. and thought that being a big-breasted sexy girl would make me happy. (which was totally WRONG) Until lately I started to think about it properly, and I just sat down and looked at what I was REALLY feeling. From there it's like I've been tumbling down Alice's Rabbit hole. One moment I'm completely certain, the other I'm totally confused and unsure about everything. It's crazy! But deep in my heart... I would rather be a guy than a gal. Sometimes I really wish I would be a 'stereotypical transguy', as then I would probably have known it much earlier, and at least have KNOWN it for sure, instead of being this confused all the time. Anyway, good luck! *hug* You're not alone!
