I didn't have any understanding of gender as a child. People told me I was a girl, so I said I was, but I never understood it. I had short hair, and wore unisex clothes. Anyway, I got used to being called a girl. I started to believe it. I did all the right things. I wore the right clothes, and the make up. Sometimes I even liked it. I love looking at pretty dresses (Even though I don't want to wear them) and wearing make up has always felt like drag anyway. But I never had a choice I don't think. I had these things forced on me and I just went along with it. It was only until a few months before last christmas that my body began to make me feel uncomfortable. It wasn't so much my breasts, or even my parts. It was my hips and my thighs. I'm pear shaped. I can go for andro on top but on bottom I just look like a woman. I hated my shape. I still do, but I didn't understand then why I did. My friend is into androgynous fashion. So I thought I must want to be skinny andro girl. I cried! I cried so much! But it was only this new year I accepted my non-femaleness. That night, new years eve, I'd lay in bed with my best friend (The andro one) next to me, and she'd promised me that she'd help me look androgynous. It was the day after, she had gone home, and I only just realised - I wasn't a girl! That was what was wrong! So much has changed since. I've gone through a multitude of labels, names, and pronouns. I'm still figuring things out. Right now I go by my birth name (Sinead), "They" pronouns, and I think I'm somewhere between Agender and Boi, with some room for fluidity. I just thought I needed to put this somewhere