I'm a guy, like 5 months ago i started to fantasize about men, which I found weird because I never had before then. I still have a girlfriend though, we have sex pretty regularly. I wasnt sure why I was having these fantasies, one thing though is that I arrived at gay porn before i created my own fantasies, which someone suggested to me may be the reason i had them. At first i was afraid of them because I didn't want to be gay, and they got me off quickly. Awhile back i finally said I'm going to indulge in these if I enjoy them, and if I'm gay, so be it. Now they don't turn me on anymore. Ill even try so hard to get them to turn me on, so I can reach closure. They just haven't, but I now have been getting off to fantasies about women, especially since I started taking a test booster for weight lifting. What I'm wondering is, has anyone else been aroused my gay thoughts until you let them come freely? Is it possible the anxiety caused/element of power in gay fantasies is what makes them work?
Some people find the idea of doing something sexually 'forbidden' to be very exciting. A common example is sex in public places or in situations where one stands some risk of being caught. If you (consciously or otherwise) were considering sex with a guy to fall into this 'forbidden' or 'naughty' category then it's possible that that is what was turning you on and getting you off instead of actually being sexually attracted to men. Once you hit the point of accepting that you might be gay and essentially being OK with it, the 'forbidden' element went away and you were more or less back where you started. You could perhaps test this by trying to fantasize about other 'forbidden' activities (non-gay ones) or watching porn of them and seeing how you react to them. Although, I suspect there is probably a range of activities that you would find 'forbidden' enough to be exciting without crossing the line to the point where they would upset or disgust you rather than excite you at all. So you might have to look for that middle ground if you wanted to try this. Being a gay guy myself, I don't find that gay fantasies contain any particular elements of anxiety or power in them so don't think of those as being inherent to that sort of fantasy. But maybe you find fantasies that contain elements of anxiety or power to be exciting whether they are gay or otherwise? Just some thoughts, Todd
