Feel like a man without a country...not sure if im gay, bi or straight

Hi Mikey, glad to see ya

Couple of thoughts here:

First, why not stop fighting the battle and just go with what feels right? Don't worry about trying to decide what you 'are'. Instead just go with the flow, go with what feels good or right or satisfying to you, go with what your heart wants. And then maybe look back in some number of months or a year, look at what you've been doing that makes you the most happy and then see if some particular label best fits it (assuming you still want a label or care about such things by that point).

This is something I see on EC a lot. People trying to figure out what label they need to wear so they then know how to behave or what to expect or something. Or getting incredibly stressed out over what is 'expected' of them, whether that be the expectations of the straight community or the gay community. Instead of trying to fit into some pre-fabricated box, I'd suggest just doing your own thing and then (if you want to) looking back after a bit and seeing what (if any) box seems to be the best fit for you. Or maybe make your own box if you've a mind to

I say that I came to the conclusion that I was gay because I literally went through a process of looking at my actions (never even the tiniest attraction toward women, had sex several times with 2 different guys, the second guy I was the one who initiated things) and decided that my being gay was the conclusion that best fit the evidence. And I did it with no concerns about what society (any society) might think about it.

Stop worrying about what you should do or should want. Just worry about what you actually want now, in this little slice of time, and see where those wants take you. Without regard to what anyone else might think or believe you should be doing.

Second, if you don't feel anything toward women, why keep spending time on them? Are you just curious what it would feel like? Wondering if it would feel better than what you feel when you are with a guy? Because society says you should? Could it be that, because you indicated that your first attempt at dating a woman ended badly, that at some level you want to 'get' a woman to sort of prove to yourself you can or that you worry that you are going for guys because you haven't given women a chance or something? Something else?

Continuing the theme from my first point, if you aren't feeling it for females, then why not stop trying to force yourself to do something with them? If you start to genuinely feel like doing something with a female, then go with the flow and do it. But stop trying to make yourself do something your actions and feelings (as you've described them here anyway) seem to indicate really doesn't attract you.

Third, it's possible that you just aren't in a space yet where you want to settle down in a relationship with a guy (or anyone) yet. This should be something that (to continue my theme) you should only do if/when you start to feel like you want to do it, not because a large segment of the gay community (including the majority of folks on EC) treats finding a relationship as a major goal that every person should want and strive for. Again, you should (IMHO) go with what (and when) feels right for you. Not anyone else's timetables or ideas of what you 'should' be doing.

Finally, and focusing a bit more on the relationship issue (because I will freely admit that because I'm in one, I'm probably biased toward them), what about dating or even marrying a guy are you having a hard time with? When you think about that sort of thing, what do you imagine it being like? How does it make you feel? Happy? Sad? Nervous? Afraid, Sick to your stomach? Something else? What about it concerns you or is hard for you to visualize or imagine?

Not saying you need to get into a relationship (you're young, you've got lots of time ) by any means. Especially if it doesn't feel right for you just now. But if you're also feeling like you'd like something more than just sex, then the question becomes - what do you want? And what about a relationship (as you are currently conceiving it) are you struggling with?

Just my 2c worth. Hope the above is at least somewhat helpful.

Todd

 

If you are to be true to yourself, it would make sense to first know who you are

It's not like there's some kind of limited enrollment period for the whole labeling thing Take as much time as you need. You may ultimately find the label that works best for you. Or even that you don't need any label at all.

I'm sorry you were lonely I hope being part of EC helps at least a bit (*hug*)

I know that I can easily tell when a woman is attractive or 'hot' simply because I've grown up surrounded by messages about what combination of features results in that definition. Doesn't mean I have (or ever had) any interest in doing anything sexually with them

Some gay guys claim to find women (or at least vaginas) repulsive. I'm just totally indifferent to them (and I've seen plenty of naked women and straight porn and even birth videos in my time). They don't bother me but they don't do anything for me. As far as my libido is concerned, women don't even exist.

I've never had sex with a woman either. Never wanted to, even when I didn't know I was gay. My partner had sex with women before he figured himself out. According to him, the main reaction he had was 'Really?! Is that what all the fuss is about? Is that all?'. When he started having sex with guys, he suddenly found out what all the fuss was about

Bottom line - if you don't want to be with a woman, then don't be with a woman.

If and when you reach a point where you are ready to settle down and/or marry somebody, you'll start to feel that you want this, whether on general principles or with somebody in particular

Do you find yourself worrying about people seeing you with a guy and figuring out that you're gay? It's not like straight guys don't go out to do things together (grab a burger and a beer for example). My partner and I go out to eat and run errands together all the time. The places we go all the time have probably figured out what's up, simply because we are *always* there together. Everywhere else doesn't know one way or the other

This sounds like a very good plan for anybody, regardless of their orientation As far as your drives are concerned, if you're enjoying the trip why not enjoy the drive? Always making sure you travel safely, of course

Todd

---------- Post added 30th Mar 2013 at 09:37 PM ----------

Oh, on a totally different note - where did you get your current avatar pic from? It's really fun, but I can't make out the wording on it and was wondering about it.

Todd