I don't understand myself

Hi, everyone. This is my first time posting on EC and I have visited a few times before. Warning this is really lengthy because this is the first time I've ever talked about it and I really need to get this off my chest and get some advice.

Basically like the title says I really don't understand myself. I'm so confused about my sexual orientation and it really is gnawing at me. I'm female and soon to be 17 next week and I know this is around the age where people start questioning themselves. I have a hard time opening up about this and I never dared talked to anyone that I know IRL because I'm scared of what they might think.

For the past two or three years I've really been questioning my sexuality. I've never been interested in boys at all. I love guys, but I love having them as friends. I feel like I understand them better and get along with guys better than I do girls. I get nervous around girls especially ones that are good looking. I don't feel awkward around guys and I never thought, "OH, the things I would do to him!" or "Wow, he's hot!". I never thought about kissing guys or anything. When I was around 10 I found my grandfather's Playboy and curiosity got the best of me and I took a peek. My family caught me and they teased me to no end. It wasn't really a oh she's gay thing, but more of oh kids do the darnest things. As I started getting older I noticed I would get increasingly nervous around girls, but not guys. I could be next to a girl and I'd just feel really nervous. I knew I didn't actually LIKE the girl, but I'd get super nervous. I kind of pushed it under the rug as social anxiety and left it at that.

Fast forward. I started really noticing my lack of attraction towards boys. I never thought about going out with a guy, kissing a guy, let alone having sex with one. I never thought about having a relationship with one and it just seemed boring to me. When I started getting involved in sports was when things really started getting confusing. When I was in basketball I got really nervous when we would do drills because we would sometimes do boxing out and man on man. This often was accompanied by body to body and it really made me uncomfortable. During volleyball I would always catch myself looking at the other girls. It kinda made me scared as to why I was doing it. Same thing happened when I was playing softball. I noticed I became attracted to a few girls on my team. I would always try to talk to them and I'd be really shy/nervous. At the time I never realized it, but looking back it was kind of obvious.

Fast forward again, this is kind of the graphic part. I discovered porn and masturbation at an early age and I took my time discovering things that turned me on. I would fantasize I was the man in the porn and I was having sex with the woman or women. Generally I would watch straight porn and sometimes gay male porn. I found both of these extremely erotic and eventually I tried watching lesbian porn. It didn't turn me on because it just seemed so fake and forced whereas the other two seemed so much more natural. I always seem to picture myself as the guy in the situation during a porn because it looks so hot to be having sex with a girl like that. The only part of lesbian porn I liked was tribbing because it was hot to see the girls thrusting. I also like watching fellatio porn, basically anything that involves a penis. It made me think that I'm actually straight, but bicurious. but when I think about it. I don't actually want a relationship with a guy or sex with a guy. I just want the penis, nothing else. It's like sometimes I fantasize I'm having sex and getting penetrated, but I only fantasize about the penis inside me not an actual guy. Most of my fantasies involve women and me dominating them. It's such a turn on, but it seems to finish I need to picture myself being penetrated.

The only gender that I can actually see myself in a relationship is with another girl. When I think about a relationship a girl pops in my head. When I think about my future I think of having a girlfriend. But it doesn't make sense to me why I fantasize about penis if I think I like girls? I'm sorry for this being lengthy, but I really needed to get that out. Any advice is welcome, thank you for taking your time to read this.