I've always hated shopping and rarely bought new clothes. Unfortunately, my only slacks are at my parent's house (we haven't talked in months) and I have a wedding to attend in a week in another state. I'm out to those friends and they support me completely. For the first time in my life, I'm honestly somewhat excited to dress formally since I can go all out. I know nothing about men's formal wear (or women's for that matter ) but the plan is to find a nice white shirt, vest, tie, slacks, and shoes. I'm just so stuck. For the last three days I have tried to go to the store and couldn't force myself to go. I know why, but I want to get past my fear and self loathing and be able to do this for myself and my friends. I have thought about what's stopping me and the reasons are: 1) The actual shopping; being seen in the men's section and therefore outing myself (I don't pass yet, but clearly not just shopping for someone else), picking and using a changing room 2) lack of knowledge about clothing. I've always avoided shopping and fashion 3) I'm afraid that I'm going to look really dumb even when I have gone through all the tiring effort to assemble an outfit. Stuff won't fit, i'll just look like a flight attendant the way I did at prom, etc. And then I'll have blown my limited money on a rotten experience and embarrassing mistakes. I'd really appreciate any thoughts or advice here!
I guess the time I've had to spend in the male role might be worth a thing or two. One thing you can do at home is measurements. You'll like this part. As a guy you're going to find clothes make a lot more sense. The numbers aren't random and based on making you feel better about buying something. They have real meaning. I'm gonna screw it up the shirt part if I try to explain it in words, but here's a video I found, Video: The 2 Measurements for Men's Shirt Sizes | eHow.com It's just two measurements, neck and arm, and you can use any measuring tape. And here's a general measuring guide, Measurement Guide Remember to get some plain white ts to go under your shirt. You can probably get away with a sports bra or two under your t-shirt. Pants are almost as easy. The first number is waist, the second number is inseam. Inseam, take a pair of jeans, men's or womens, that are as long as you want to wear, then measure crotch to the bottom of the pant leg. Now waist, they kinda go the same route they go with women's clothes when the numbers start getting big or small. Two size 30- or 38+ waist jeans are not going to be created equal. But generally you can measure where your hips are at their widest with your feet together and use that number minus 10. In other words, 42" hips -> 32" waist. Probably an easier and more reliable way to do this would be to get a few belts labeled at different pant sizes and try them on, maybe even in the women's section. If you really have to guess, there is on average a 22 size difference and waist is the number you look at. So, a size 42 men's waist is roughly a size 18-20 women's. But you know a lot of women's sizes are kind of wacky, so don't guess. Err on the short side with inseam and large side on waist. As far as outfits. You can not go wrong with the look you were mentioning. Just keep it plain. Black slacks, white shirt, solid tie (bonus points if it fits the wedding's color scheme), etc. Nice and simple. Most guys know exactly as much about formal wear as you do. I would recommend a nice looking winter coat like a p-coat. Otherwise if you want to wear a sport coat I would really recommend it be half of a suit. Again, they like to idiot proof guy's clothes. Solid or striped ties are the best. Finally shoes. Basic wing tips. Make sure they're comfortable and break them in first. You will want to wear thin black socks with them. If you want to wear cologne, I usually used to just put one squirt on one wrist, work it into my other wrist, and then work it into my shirt collar. A watch is a great way to complete the look and make it sharp.
You could: shop at a center that isn't local order online shop at your local center I probably don't have a very sophisticated sense of fashion. I wear jeans and t-shirt and hoodie at all times. I avoid formal wear at all cost. I did, however, have a funeral to go to last year. (incidentally, when I write my will, I'm going to specify that people should wear casual clothing). I bought a jacket, some trousers, a tie, and some shoes for about £30. No special fitting was needed. I just pulled some off the shelf, tried them on and bought them. I'd probably do the same for a wedding. If you have no other option than to shop local, don't fear. At least in my experience, no one really pays attention to you. Just go in and pick up some clothes, and try them on, and chances are, no one will remember you were there.
Thank you both so, so much. The changing room situation especially has been troubling me as I cannot pass but I am borderline enough to look and feel out of place in the women's section. I'm just hoping it doesn't come to having to choose. I've also been trying to get a friend who knows i'm out to join me but my friends are all busy and i'm starting to feel lame about not having the courage to go on my own. So this has just become surprisingly distressing... Your support and advice mean a lot to me.
I find that goodwill, savers and other second hand stores have quite a good collection of vests in many sizes. Then you don't have to spend $100+ for a good one. Many of the stores by my house also have a huge rack of ties and bowties in very good condition. Yes! I also like having a friend or two to help make suggestions and make it feel less lonely/awkward. Oh, and if you can't tell, I DEFINITELY don't pass and I hardly ever get too many weird looks
Thanks, I really want this to go well and look nice for their wedding. I just have a bad history with any kind of dressing nice and clothes shopping in general and I'll have to find a way to push through.
Hah, yeah, I know how hard it can be, but you can do it! Good luck dude! At the end of this year we'll have a graduation ball, and I'm REALLY dreading that day (I think I'm just going to be sick or something...), since all those people know me as a girl for about six years, and I'm not confident and out enough to 'go suit'. Which means I have to get a dress... high heels... make up... You are getting the firggin nightmare D: Anyway, enjoy the wedding, I'm sure that even though it might be scary/nervous/odd at first to wear a suit, it must be liberating compared to a woman's attire.
@WhiteRaven - I think I literally had a chill run up my spine reading that. I don't think I would be able to do it. It was painful enough dressing in female, semi-androgynous clothing the other day. For a whole day after that, anything even slightly feminine made me feel dysphoric. I think I'd go comatose if I had to wear a dress and heels ever again. hahaha Okay back to OP. I hear ya man. I always thought I was a fashion idiot until I let myself start wearing the things I liked... IE men's clothes. And I really do think they can be pretty fool-proof for the most part. Like the others said, just go with pretty much anything that fits and don't go crazy with the colours and you'll look great. Personally, I don't go into change rooms right now since I'm borderline-looking. I've done my measurements at home and just chose the right size in the store and so far, even just by looking at it I can tell if it fits or not. Most stores also have a return policy which helps. Like catmistress said, I'm also all for second-hand shops. Some of them even have unisex change rooms. A nice watch is a great way to tie it all together. Just make sure it will even fit and have a smaller size overall if you have small wrists. Things that are too big just make you look smaller, not bigger. Things that fit make you look better. I've heard other people say this on other places - if you aren't comfortable with the men's change/room yet, don't be afraid to go to the women's change room. Since, I'm assuming, your ID still says F, you have a right to be there. Otherwise, guys don't generally care so much about that kind of thing so it probably wouldn't really be a problem if you went to the men's change room (from what I understand anyway. If another guy can help confirm that it'd be great). Basically, go wherever you feel most comfortable for now.
All the support and guidance in this thread helped me so much, especially about measurements. Thanks so much for that, Cassie. I was able to take my measurements at home and understand how to pick what in the store. I haven't tried it all on together yet so it may still be a bust, but just being able to go for it and attack instead of being too afraid is a huge relief. I got some weird or stiff reactions at times but seeing myself in the mirror, I knew it was nothing like prom and those other times of dressing nice. I actually feel excited instead of miserable and if I can pull it off I will be proud instead of ashamed. It may sound like i'm overthinking, but I feel like i've been living as a boy my whole life, even though I am an adult now. And getting to wear adult clothing is kind of like crossing that threshold at last... Thanks again everyone!
