This is something I've always struggled with, and I was hoping I could get some insight on exactly what to call my sexuality. Earlier this year I came out for the first time. This was a really big deal for me, for many reasons. The first of which is that I've spent my entire life--or at least the last 15 years of it--being asked if I was gay. A lot of this came from having long hair (I was also often called 'miss' by waitresses) and having a less-than-masculine personality. My default response was always "no", but that had more to do with not knowing and being afraid of violent homophobes than actually knowing. This leads to my second reason for coming out being a big deal. Never having been out, I've never done anything in public to lead people to believe I'm gay; in fact, I have a weary dislike for men, and am never around them. Even so, people assume I'm gay because of my appearance. Last year, two of my roommates (20 year-olds in college) attacked me, screaming homophobic insults the entire time. I kept to myself when I lived with them (again, I don't like being around men), I had never even spoken to them in the four months I lived with them after the initial introduction. Anyway, this led to me spending the remainder of the school year in solitude. I was moved into a suite by myself, and had restraining orders against the former roommates. I was escorted to all of my classes, and otherwise never left my room. I was pretty reasonably terrified, and didn't want to face being attacked again. The third reason my own coming out was special to me was that for the first time in my life, after dealing with adversity for as long as I can remember, I was around a group of people who I felt comfortable enough with to share that kind of detail. I'm studious, quiet, and I've been told I'm intimidating... In short, the fact that I had friends at all by this point was a big deal, let alone feeling comfortable enough to share something that dangerous and personal. This is where I run into the snag, and where I'm hoping to find some insight. Telling people that I have an attraction to men isn't a problem to me. Defining what I am sexually just seems impossible. When I came out to my parents, none of us were on the same page. My dad always thought I was straight, and took a lot of convincing to not disown me immediately. My mom figured I was gay and would come out when I was ready. I don't know what I am, and I wanted to clarify it for them, but can't figure it out myself. I've never had any relationship with a man. I'm weary of men, and although I find men's bodies to be more attractive than women's, I loathe men's personality traits. I've dated women, who I find to be much more personally attractive and easier to connect with emotionally, but have never had sex. I've had plenty of opportunity with both sexes (more women than men), but have always ended the relationship before I could be pressured into sex. Honestly, I have no interest in sex. I have no problem with arousal, and have been in the position where sex was an option, but chose not to in all cases. Outside of these instances (where sex is offered) I rarely think about it at all, and I never think of sex as a part of a relationship. Is it normal for someone to have so little interest in sex? (This has ruined a few relationships; when I'm around people I'm comfortable with I'm very uninhibited, and affectionate. Basically, I act like I'm dating everyone in the room as far as being affectionate goes, and the person I'm with doesn't feel like I'm in a relationship with them). So what am I? My physical attraction is to men--no denying that. But my personal attraction is to women. Am I bisexual, then? Does my lack of interest in sex and my general indiscrimination between the sexes as viable partners make me pansexual? Am I gay because I'm not attracted to women physically, and only incidentally heterosexual because I am sexually aroused by women as well? Is it the other way around? Sorry for the long post, I know it's a lot to read. Any insight or advice on this matter would be greatly appreciated. If you have any questions, let me know. Feel free to message me as well if you'd like.
My gaydar (just kidding) is telling me you are asexual (maybe someone asexual could give you better advice than me) you are heteroromantic, meaning you are only romantically attracted to women. But I really don't know anything about asexuals being turned on by men's or women's (or both) bodies. The question you have to ask yourself is: Do I see myself/want myself to have sex with men? If the answer is yes, then Congrats! You are heteroromantic and homosexual. If the answer is no, then you are heteroromantic and asexual, but I don't know what to do with you getting aroused with men bodies (someone asexual! Please HELP!). If this is the case, check out this website Sexual Arousal and Sexual Attraction - Asexual Q&A - Asexual Visibility and Education Network Maybe you can get some insight on what's happening to you.
More likely aromantic than asexual, since you feel attraction. Or you might be heteroromantic and homosexual - I've heard others say their romantic orientation doesn't match their sexual orientation. However, what I think is most likely is that you simply would prefer a sensitive guy who doesn't fit into masculine stereotypes. If that's the case, you're not alone - most heterosexual women I know would agree with you on that!
Thank you everyone for your insight. After reading some of your posts I did a little research, and it really helped.
