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Confused. how do I know if I'm in denial?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by pandas, Apr 6, 2013.

  1. pandas

    Regular Member

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    How deep can denial go? I am constantly worrying that I'm in denial of my own sexuality and that I might actually want to be with a girl at this point in my life. I consider myself bisexual currently and I have a boyfriend. We have been in a serious relationship for a year and while I do love him, I find that when we are around other cute girls I am worried that my boyfriend will ward them off with his PDA. There were so many gorgeous "alternative" girls at this party last night my head was spinning.

    I also ran into a girl I hooked up two weeks ago at this bar. My boyfriend was with me (he knows I hooked up with her). I got this horrible feeling in my stomach...I can't describe it. I was so upset. I'm not romantically attracted to her but I felt so shitty for some reason.

    I thought I was happy in my relationship with my boyfriend. I thought I wanted to grow old with him and get a dog and be partners forever. Every time I ignore my attraction to women my frustration goes away and I feel fine. Whenever I become fixated on my sexuality I feel very unhappy and confused.

    I'm also interested in talking to a therapist about this but I'm too embarrassed to talk about this to anyone. I've been dealing with this for a long time. I couldn't handle being gay. I'd be embarrassed if it turned out I am actually straight. But I know I've fallen in love with men before and that I'm sexually attracted to women.
     
  2. Cougar

    Cougar Guest

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    I don't see a need to talk to a therapist. You are young and are figuring out your sexuality. You began with the straight programme, and it went well. Good news!

    You call yourself 'bisexual' here, but what does your boyfriend think how you label yourself? :icon_wink You are in a serious relationship with him and you love him. Loving means trust, so please trust him and talk about your little problem!

    For me it is clear that you are thrilled by the homosexual option, but you don't know how to go on exploring it. Don't forget that men are less possessive than women, so you could ask him to agree to your little project. His task as a boyfriend is to free you, not to reduce your freedom and prevent you from making new experiences.

    I had a boyfriend who was so thrilled of online dating that he could not stop because he had so many admirers, and my best friend and I smiled when he left the table because his telephone rang. Let him do what he must do! I want him to live in paradise!

    You can ask him to try homosexuality as well, just to show that he doesn't go senile. :icon_wink Men like lesbian porn, so they can't say that they are against this kind of sex. Even women can tolerate homosexuality, my girlfriend brought me magazine clippings about bisexuality ...

    I find your situation very clear. You definitely enjoy men, but you cannot wait longer with women. So you are neither LESBIAN nor STRAIGHT but BISEXUAL. But from a practical point of view you are only STRAIGHT. That kills you, if I may say so.

    Being BISEXUAL means that you are not afraid of the STRAIGHT or GAY label. Don't be afraid of being called GAY, because you long for women, too. If you are among lesbians, you can't always say "I am bisexual, not lesbian!" Nobody wants to hear that there. So you better make peace with the respective labels. :icon_wink

    Of course not. You are new to the game and need a course for beginners. :icon_wink

    One problem can be solved with the help of your boyfriend, and I am optimistic that he will support you, and the other problem is your fear of the LESBIAN label. Why? You have a boyfriend, so the world knows that you are bisexual.

    Men find bisexual women thrilling (take me, I find it so boring if women tell me that they don't find other women attractive). But I see a problem with your potential female lovers: What will they say if they hear that you have a wonderful boyfriend?

    Anyway, you have an excellent idea, please make sure that it becomes reality in the next months! :icon_wink

    Perhaps there is a bisexual (or lesbian/bisexual) coming out group for you?
     
    #2 Cougar, Apr 20, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2013
  3. Kyllani

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    You're at the perfect age to be figuring out your sexuality. I did a lot of exploring when I was your age.

    I agree with Cougar. Perhaps you should open up to your boyfriend. I'm in the process of trying to do the same thing right now. It sounds scary, I know, but if he really cares about you...perhaps you guys can work something out.

    It's can be scary to go from identifying as bisexual to lesbian...I'm still trying to make that transition myself.

    Are you physically attracted to your boyfriend? Or any other male?