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Internet not helping, unique case

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Skylark, Apr 6, 2013.

  1. Skylark

    Regular Member

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    Hi there EC, this is the first time I've been on one of these forums.
    Here's my problem, I hope not make it into a long winded, but can go into detail if need be.

    I am 18 years of age, and have had one messed up sexual life. At the age of 10 I always admired muscular bodies of guys, and bodybuilders.

    However with society disliking homosexuality people pushed me down a different sexual pathway.

    At the age of 14 I attempted to get a girlfriend after seeing one of my female friends snogging this guy. Maybe I wanted to feel the same as everyone else. I felt sexual feelings for girls at this stage, and the fantasy's of men was pushed aside for now. I completely forgot about them.

    Due to being put back a year I remain the oldest in my high school. And I don't find young people sexually attractive, on both genders.

    Society pushed me down so many pathways at this time, but I always felt different. Maybe because I am.

    At the age of 17 I heard of people who had already had sex, and I decided to follow pursuit. I spent $80 on a female prostitute, and as soon as the sex happened didn't feel anything. In fact I was bored stiff, waiting for the sex time to finish. No orgasms, nothing.

    At the age of 18 I was on the bus and suddenly in a raging torrent I fantasised about guys. Other people would look away and say they were mentally scarred, but for me I loved it. Which confused me so much.

    One week later I looked online and suggest to myself what am I. I can hardly call myself straight, not even bi-curious. I can't socialise in real life, with both genders. Call me Scott Pilgrim.

    I looked at various online articles based on sexual confusion but none of them fit who I am. It sucks really, and has left me confused like hell.

    If you need any more information please let me know, I will be happy to speak.
     
  2. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Hi, and welcome.

    Not to burst your bubble, but your story isn't even close to unique. In fact, I think you'll find that an awful lot of the people here have had exactly the same experience you had.

    From what you've said, I don't hear anything that indicates you're straight. It sounds like all of your attraction has been toward guys.

    So when you masturbate (without porn), what do you fantasize about? guys? girls? both? When you watch porn, do you find your eyes going toward the guys or the girls? When you're out and about... you've already answered that one, your eyes go toward the guys.

    So answer the other two... but I bet you already see where this is leading :slight_smile: