hey everyone so i've been lurking for quiet a while and yeah i'm still questioning my sexuality and this is the thing that i want you guys to help me i live in a country where you can say homosexuality is considered as sin and most of the people here is somewhat homophobia even though they don't show it i live in Asia, South East Asia to be exact (that explain my bad english, forgive me) and i'm 16 and will be 17 soon i don't know why, one day i began to ask myself about my sexuality. when i was in junior high school, i have this ex-bestfriend (a girl) and a boyfriend (a playboy jerk). i don't know why i accepted my boyfriend at that time and i don't regret anything when i broke up with him but when i had a fight with my ex-bestfriend, i'm kind of in a misery. i cried for two days and i can't even look at her in the eye for like 2 or 3 years because things will get awkward whenever we talk. and now that i'm in high school, i don't know why i'm kind of lost interest in males and kind of starting to imagine how it would be like to have a girlfriend. sometimes i caught myself checking out girls but sometimes, i also spazz about handsome males. Not long ago i had my 2nd relationship. My ex-boyfriend is like the perfect boyfriend material. He's quite handsome albeit a lil bit short and skinny, he's athletic, rich, comes from a religious family and all in all, he's like the sweetest guy ever. so, when i was in relationship with him, i was already questioning my sexuality. i kind of attracted to my seatmate who is also my bestfriend but at that time she had a boyfriend. whenever my boyfriend and i went on a date, i will always ask one of my friend to join us because both of us is just too shy and you can say awkward because we're not that close when he asked me to be his girlfriend. i keep asking myself at that time like 'is this really what i want ?'. when i broke up with my 2nd boyfriend, i don't feel sad at all, not a little. but now, i'm confuse because half of me have a crush for a girl and half of me still want him back (maybe because of the time we spent together). This girl that i have a crush with is currently my bestfriend. she's like the cutest and adorable bestfriend that i can't help but to have this weird feeling whenever she touches me. everytime her face is close to mine, i have this weird feeling in my stomach and i can feel myself blushing. she's a religious catholic and i don't know if she's a homophobia because i never ask her opinion about homosexuality. so she had been in a relationship for like 10 times in which all of them end up bad ?. whenever i'm with her, i can feel myself comfortable and relax. i like to tease her and i also like to hug her and vice versa. i don't know what to say anymore because she's just too adorable for me and i think i'm falling too hard for her even though i know it's impossible to have a relationship with her. the thing is that i don't know what or who am i ? i don't know what i really want. heck, i don't even know why i'm alive because i don't even have any purpose in life. on one hand i want to be with her, on the other hand i find myself still thinking about my ex-boyfriend who i know that till now he is still waiting for me. so.. what do you all think about me ? PS : forgive my bad english, i'm really sucks at writing something like this. i'm really bad at describing things. i'm new here, let's be friend (i really really want to have a friend that is like me, like seriously i don't care what or who you guys are but let's be friend )
Hello Key09 and welcome! I know I am not an expert on the topic, but when I was trying to figure myself out this only question came to mind, "would I be happier to wake up in the morning next to a man or a woman?" A simple question but it did get me out of the woods hehe. As for the purpose in life....you're quite young to know that now. You will figure it all out in time. We all have a purpose! I am sure other people on here could give a better advice. Oh and your English is fine don't worry about it!
Hello Key09, I can totally relate to how you feel about your best friend. You don't sound too interested in guys, but only you can say for sure. Try to forget what society expects of you while figuring this out, think of who you would like to share a life with if no-one else had a say about it. It's hard to go against the expectations of your family and friends. Always be true to yourself, but be sure not to put yourself in danger. (*hug*) Perhaps you could try seeing how your friend and your family feels about homosexuality without saying you are questioning, just to see if you could ask for their support. Having someone close to you to talk to will help. And keep on reading and posting threads, somewhere you'll find an answer that will help you ask the right questions to understand yourself. Good luck!!
guys, thank you so much for the replies after giving it a thought, i realize that i'm still young and this kind of matter is not that important right now and the thing which is important right now is study. i hope i can focused on my study more so that i don't have to think about this kind of problem thank you so much for the replies, like very much. right now i'm trying to search for a motto in my life so that i can at least live my life by that motto. i'll make sure to read more post in this thread so that i can at least learn something to help myself
