Here is my situation...I've been confused about my sexuality and questioning for several years now. I flip flopped quite a bit in high school. One week, I was gay, then bi, then straight, and it was just a cycle of going back and forth between the three. Now I'm a college sophomore and still can't figure it out. I've never been in a relationship or had sex. When it comes to girls, I have more of an emotional attraction than a sexual one, but I already know that I would prefer a girl over a dude in a serious relationship. I want to be able to hold hands with one, go on dates, and do all the things you're supposed to do in relationship. I'd even want to get married and possibly have children later on with one. With a dude though, I'm not sure if I would want the same. Here's the thing, I'm sexually attracted to dudes, but a part of me feels like all I want is the sex, while another part of me knows I'd be interested in trying a relationship, but I'd be self-conscious about what my family would think, and that's making me question it. I don't even know if I'd wanna bring another dude home to my family because something tells me it just wouldn't feel right. If I were to just be friends with benefits and leave it at that, would it be wrong? Just messing around and nothing more? But if I try a relationship with a dude just to see what it's like, and I don't want to marry one, would that even make any sense? Or would it just be a waste of time? Ugh, this is so aggravating. I'm on here because I've worn out all of my friends with it. Nobody else in my family that I associate with is gay, bi, confused sexually or even been through it that I know of, so I can't really vent to them. I know this decision is ultimately up to me and nobody can decide for me, but some advice on what you might do in my situation would be appreciated. Thanks!
Technically speaking, you can do all of the things you list here with a dude, you know The mechanics are a bit more complicated in some cases, but really not much more so than if you were in a relationship with a woman and discovered that you couldn't get pregnant together for some reason. Just sayin This is something that almost everyone goes through at some point. Both in terms of coming out to friends and family (assuming you are bi or gay and not just curious) and developing a relationship with a guy, possibly to the point where you want to bring him home to meet your family. This may be not all that different from bringing home a girl, assuming you've already come out to your family and they've accepted you, or rather different if they are not totally accepting or still working on it but you are nonetheless determined to bring him home to make it clear that this is who you are and this guy is someone who you want in your life and they are just going to have to deal with it. If/when it reaches the point where you are considering this (which could be quite some time in the future really), you will have likely changed quite a lot before you get there. Everyone's circumstances are a bit different in this regard. And everyone changes, all the time. One way or the other. An FWB situation is certainly an option, as long as both you and the other person are OK with it. I did one of these for a time and it was a lot of fun. However, I also wanted a relationship and so eventually the FWB situation ended (quite amicably as it happens). Ultimately, only you can decide if that is something you find enjoyable and fulfilling. Or not. Much like any other possible way of living ones life, actually. Lots of people have sex with lots of other people with no intention of marrying them. There are a lot of shades of existence between 'no relationship at all' and 'married'. That said, if your own personal ethos is that you only want to consider sex with someone you want a relationship with, that's fine. Although your mention of a possible FWB situation makes me doubt that. EC is a great place to talk and I'm sure you can get lots of thoughts from lots of people here Speaking just for myself, my first two thoughts on what I might do if I was in your situation would be: a) Ask yourself: If you could be totally sure that your family and society in general would be totally supportive of you being in a relationship with a guy, would that change your feelings about being in a relationship with a guy? Basically, are your current feelings toward women and men based on 'gut feeling' or on concerns about what others might think? It's like the difference between whether or not you do/don't wear or eat something because you actually don't like it or because everyone else says you shouldn't. b) If you're interested in finding out what sex with a guy is like, then perhaps you should go have some and then see how you feel about it (as in, do you actually enjoy it in practice rather than just in theory, not whether or not you think others will approve of it)? There are various potential options for someone in your circumstances (which I admittedly know little of, just what you've posted here), from bars to dating sites and other things. Including FWB situations if you want them. The same could be said for sex with a woman. Once you've tried both, you may find that your orientation is much clearer to you. Bearing in mind that first times of any sort can be somewhat awkward and so should be approached with eyes open and as few illusions as possible. Of course you need to use common sense and practice safe sex in any such situation. As a more immediate alternative, you could try porn and see how you like each kind (assuming you haven't done this already anyway). Bear in mind that porn represents a packaged form of fantasy and little of the reality of sex between two guys (or a guy and a gal for that matter). Anyway, my 2c worth. Hope this helps, Todd
There is the problem to me, take the issue outside of your mind into the real world. Try to go out on a date with someone regardless of sex and see how it goes from there. Im in a similar situation, being stressing about it. I have an open relationship with a girl and i just like her very much, I enjoy having sex with her, I enjoy kissing and cuddling with her, I enjoy when she cares for me and also caring for her but still I cant ignore the fact that Im attracted to dudes dunno if im gay or bi or just trying to experiment something different! But thats the point! To experiment! I've decided I need to try and go out with a gay guy and find out how I feel about it and then I'll find out If I like girls, boys or both or if doing guys is just a sexual desire I needed to fulfill. But the answer is out there we just need to start looking for it instead of doing nothing and just obsessing about this ideas/feelings that we are going thru. Also we need to stop worrying about our friends, family, etc's opinion on our sexual preferences. Because what we do in our bedrooms should only matter to ourselves and the ones doing it with us. Not all the people we know will get us, sure some would not understand it but respect it, others wont be willing to understand it. But hell I've been questioned my whole life about the decisions I've taken so far so...
I'm on the same exact boat as you my friend. for the most part. im sexually attracted to men, and sort of to women. I've only had relationships and sex with women, but I've recently gained feelings for this one boy. its all quite confusing but mainly because I'm in the closet and don't know what to do about it. eventually you will come to terms. if you find your self only sexually attracted to men, then so be it. that's fine. but maybe one day you will find a guy and become emotionally attracted to as well. just give it time and see where it goes.
