Hello, Lately I have really been questioning my sexuality. I am 29 years old and about ten years ago I realized I was bicurious. Throughtout my teenage years I only had romantic feelings for men. But looking back at it I remember being a little obsessed with female celebs and having a ton of pics of one female celeb on my wall. Anyway, I first made out with my female best friend at about 19. At about 22 I had my first sexual experience with a girl, and we had a casual friends with benefits thing. Since then I have slept with about ten girls, but I've only been in serious relationships with men. I have questioned my sexuality for awhile, but I'm just now really analyzing it. I realize that I am not attracted to men. I can objectively find a man attractive, but I'm not attracted if that makes sense. I only feel attracted to women, and I strongly dislike most straight guys. I get repulsed when they flirt with me, touch me etc. I'm not sure if I'm bi, les, or if I just need a break from men. ETA: I slept with a male friend of mine last night to see how it made me feel and I didn't enjoy it at all and I feel grossed out I really appreciate any advice.
What it sounds like to me is that you are gay. People can usually tell whether other people are attractive no matter their orientation or the person in questions sex. Being attracted to someone is what matters when talking about sexual orientation. The fact that you also are repulsed by men's personalities and being intimate with a man also make me think that you are not at all attracted to men. Just because you haven't had a serious relationship with a woman yet doesn't mean you can't/won't ever/don't want to, nor does it make you less into women. There's a lot of evidence that you want to be with women from what you've said and no evidence that you want to be with men. I feel like you know the answer to your question, but maybe aren't ready to admit it yet?
That is true, I guess you don't have to be attracted to someone to know if they are attractive. I'm questioning if I'm gay because I'm not sure if I'm repulsed by men just because of my last two terrible relationships. But yes, I do dislike most straight men, and it repulses me when they check me out or flirt with me. I have identified as bisexual for the past few years, but I'm at the point where I'm thinking I am not interested in men at all. I wasn't attracted to any of the past few men that I dated, and I didn't find it to be a big deal because I'm never attracted to any men. I don't know if I'm afraid to identify as a lesbian because I feel it will put me in a box or what. I went to my city's Pride this past weekend to celebrate my "bisexuality" and I had the best time ever and I felt completely at home. I'm just confused and I'm trying to figure it all out ....eek!
Sexuality can be seriously confusing at times. I know I am having a hard time finding the right label for myself as well. I was having doubts about leaning more towards liking women since my last relationship with a male basically ended in total obliteration of my heart. I can see how your bad experience with men can be creating doubts for you as well. From what you described you sound pretty gay to me, but I totally get why you are unsure since I am feeling some similar feelings. You will figure it out eventually I'm sure, but in the meantime to me it sounds like you could use some romantic relationships with females.
These guys *sigh*. They can really make you question if you are not into men at all, or if you just need a break from them. I hate labels, I really feel like labeling myself as a lesbian puts me into a box, of having my family hate me, never getting married, or having kids. It's hard and confusing, but I'm 29 and I'd really like to start focusing more on my own happiness. I'm interested in finding a girl to date, but I'm super femme, so it majes it hard because noone knows I'm into women....
The only way I know to make it a little more obvious to other women that you are gay is to wear rainbow stuff. I made myself a bracelet and may make a necklace too. You can wear bisexual pride stuff instead, but I feel like it's not as well known. Rainbows are a dead give away. Other than that I have a hard time with that myself. And even if you do end up with a woman by the way that doesn't mean you can't get married and have kids if you want to. Marriage is limited to certain states/countries, but when it comes to kids there are a lot of options. Family rejection can be a huge problem though. There's not much that can be done about that. If you don't like labels though then just say you like sexy people, kind people, etc. and don't worry about gender for a bit. That may be hard or bother you, but it may broaden your horizons and let you just enjoying dating rather than having to worry about what you are.
Wow, that sounds SO much like me during my teen years too. I was ALWAYS into female celebs. I never had crushes on male celebrities lol. I did have crushes on and date guys in real life though (figure that one out lol). I realized I was bi about 3 years ago myself. I knew because I realized that I am both physically and emotionally attracted to both men and women. Whereas in your case, it seems like you're clearly more attracted to women. I noticed your last post in this thread about not wanting to label yourself. I totally support that. Just go with what your heart feels is right. If you're attracted to a woman and want to be in a relationship with her, I say go for it. It doesn't have to mean that you're a lesbian. Same with if you want to date a man. It doesn't mean you're bi or straight, necessarily. I'm coming to realize more and more that labels really are quite arbitrary most of the time. Whatever you want to consider yourself, that's awesome
@Madi, I was thinking about getting something rainbow...I might have to see how that works for me...I know I can still get married, but I'm sure my family won't be very supportive. I guess I'm just having a hard time coming to terms with my sexuality....When I was a little girl I always envisioned my getting married to a man, having a couple kids with him etc. But now I'm realizing that I don't think that's what I want out of my life. It's very hard to live your whole life with one thing being certain (sexuality). And then realizing that that one thing has changed. I just don't know if I could ever be happy with a man. It just seems like I would just be going through the motions. @ IrishEyes: Yup! I was the same way LOL. I had a wall full of pics of one single female celeb. But I did have crushes on boys, weird....I don't know what I'm going to do about the label thing. On one hand, I feel like it would be empowering for me to just flat out say "I'm a lesbian", and I feel like it would help other people to understand me better. I could see me saying that I just like a certain type of person confusing people. Would it be bad to classify myself as "bisexual, leaning more towards women"?
I am going through similar emotions around marriage at the moment although since I am a bit younger maybe it's easier for me. I have always wanted a wedding the dress, the cake, the ceremony. I love it and I also imagined creating a new life with my husband, but I don't think I can have a long happy relationship with a man. I like lesbian relationships better. I'm sorry your family is not supportive though. My immediate family is, but probably not my extended family. And I know the question wasn't for me, but I am identifying as bisexual leaning towards women it doesn't have to be a 50/50 thing. You can lean more one way than the other so maybe you just like woman more than men, but are still bi.
Wow, it does seem like we are in similar situations. You're quite fortunate that you are finding so much out about yourself at a pretty young age. I almost feel like I'm starting my life over at almost 30.That's awesome that your family is so supportive. Fortunately mine lives in another state, so I can take my time in figuring everything out before I tell them. I think I'll just wait until I actually find a girlfriend. I don't know if calling myself bisexual is lying to myself and everyone else. But it just seems easier. I kind of get a lump in my throat and feel panicky when I think of saying "I'm a lesbian". Maybe in time I will feel more comfortable.
Isn't it just? It made my heart skip a beat, when ever i feel down about something someone may have said or anything really, I like seeing photos such as these
A great way to meet queer women is to join LGBT groups in your city and meet people. The thing is you're not going to find anyone just by putting on a rainbow bracelet. There are straight people who wear pride stuff and of course it confuses the rest of the LGBT community. Hope this helps!
@ Lessly, thanks for the advice. I guess I'm just kind of nervous about all of this. I've always known I was bi. But identifying as a lesbian is a bit new and scary. I'm just going to go with the flow of things and try not to think too much about it .
Your feelings on things sound an awful lot like mine. When I was young I was that girl that dreamed of a wedding, husband, and kids too. I did the wedding/husband/kids thing and honestly I married the wrong person. But, at the time he was the easier and less scary choice because I didn't figure my family would approve of me being with a woman plus I really really wanted kids and that was by far the simpler method of achieving that. I've now been divorced for 7 months and dating the woman I was in love with before I got married (yeah, long complicated story) and I've never been happier. Her and I talk about everything, including our respective past sex lives and I'll say something and she is just so casually like, "Honey, I think you might be a lesbian." And, even though it shouldn't be, it really is a scary thing to take on that label. I don't know why, but like you said its like putting myself in a box and I'm just not sure its where I fit. I've been considering myself bi since I was 14 and as being bi with a preference for women for at least the past 6 years (was married for 5 of those...). Its confusing and I'm still not sure if I'm actually bi or lesbian. All I know at this point for sure is that I am happy. For the first time in YEARS I'm genuinely happy and I think a lot of it has to do with who I'm in a relationship. Also, maybe tmi, but for the first time in a relationship I've actually got something resembling a real sex drive instead of just "Oh, you want sex? Ok fine...". And this is the first sexual relationship I've had with a woman. I think the best thing you can do is just to let yourself be. Don't push things. Maybe somewhere down the road it'll just hit you whether you're bi or gay. At least that's what I'm hoping will happen to me lol. Message me sometime if you want to vent, or talk, or have questions. Not sure how much I'll be able to help but I'll sure try =).
Thanx for your support and advice moon willow I feel so confused about everything right now. I don't think I'll actually get any certain clarity until I start really dating. I'm on a couple of lesbian dating sites but I haven't had much luck so far. I'm debating on whether I want to go to a lesbian bar or not this weekend. Im just kind of nervous about going alone.....'
I have to say, I got lucky with my g/f. Because we knew each other before I even married my ex we knew the feelings were there already bu we just never got a real shot at a relationship that we didn’t have to hide (we were involved long distance before and for a little while after I got married). I didn’t really have to do the going out and finding a date sort of dating. When things fell apart with my ex she was the first person I told I was divorcing him. I had been forbidden to talk to her almost 4 years before that so I didn’t really expect an answering email but I got one within hours. If she hadn’t answered, I’d probably be in the same boat as you and I would be just as nervous. I’m not a huge social butterfly to begin with and the people I dated I ALWAYS met through friends, never just randomly somewhere. I wish you luck and maybe you can convince one of your friends to come with you this weekend as support? If nothing else, just plan on going out with a friend and have some fun. If you happen to run into somebody that might be potential dating material then it’s just a bonus =).
