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I'm gay but...........

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by chanelbelle, Apr 16, 2013.

  1. chanelbelle

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    I'm a 23 year old femme & I've been pretty sure about my sexuality for my entire life. I only like other femmes and without sounding like an ego-maniac, I would consider myself really attractive. Unfortunately, finding other girls like me is so difficult. I live in San Francisco by the way so I've def been around the gay community. Anyways I know that I love beautiful feminine women but I find that I am more attracted to men than I am towards butchy women. I would describe my attractiveness towards men as physical, I definitely have had crushes on me. I've had sex w men and though I prefer women, I've enjoyed it with men. the problem is, it's to a certain point. I can have sex w women all day but with men, I can do it but not all the time. I lose interest. in the bigger scheme of things, I'm becoming extremely hopeless of ever finding a genuine lesbian that is a gorgeous femme (really, it's scarce.) I know I'm physically attracted to men and though it's not as exciting as women, I want a relationship. Am I bisexual? I'm not afraid of the penis, I actually like it. Ill just always miss the passion I get from a woman. I don't know if I'm just gay or if I'm really bisexual? blah
     
  2. leslly

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    I can't really answer that question. That's something you need to decide on. There's no need to pick a label, so take your time to figure things out.
    There are tons of queer femmes out there. You just need to find them. A great way is to get to know more queer women. Not just femme girls, but also butch girls because even though they are not femme they might have friends who are femme, who they might introduce to you. Join LGBT groups or go to LGBT events, and just meet people. Don't give up, hun.
     
    #2 leslly, Apr 17, 2013
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  3. lawRAWR

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    I am also femme and prefer femme women, but I know that I will probably have to broaden my interests in women, otherwise I won't be able to find many people to have a romantic relationship. I'm not suggesting you do that, as you said that you'd rather have sex with a man than a 'butch' lesbian, but maybe broaden your interests that it's also got to be the personality that pulls you in. Hopefully, when you find the right person, it will just 'click' :slight_smile:
     
  4. chanelbelle

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    but why should I settle? not that I'm this shallow girl, but I don't feel like I need to settle for someone less attractive just because I'm a lesbian and that's just how it goes. that's just not fair. I also get resentful that lesbians can be so boyish, I like WOMEN not boys. I don't get it & it's frustrating. I feel so rare.
     
  5. Femmeme

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    Funny, I'm a femme who's attracted to butch women and it seems to me that femme lesbians far out number butchs these days. I've even gone so far as to call butches and endangered species.:lol:
     
  6. chanelbelle

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    have you ever been to San Francisco? they're all here
     
  7. Reptillian

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    An asexual can enjoy sex because of the sexual stimulation and nerve response. Sexuality is all about attraction, not necessarily whether you enjoy sex with a man or a woman. The question is are you attracted to men or do you see men more of a 'sex object' to please you? I'm not saying that you literally think of them as sex object, I'm just asking whether you're really attracted or not to men? I have met a few lesbians that enjoyed sex with men, but they aren't really attracted to them. Now, I'm not saying lesbians are bi or anything. I'm saying that orientation isn't always based upon who enjoy sex with or by behavior and so on.

    Oh and you shouldn't always be fussed over having a label, just be yourself.
     
  8. chanelbelle

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    I do enjoy the penis part if we're talking objects but I am only attracted to men to a certain point. I can have sex w a girl all day but a guy, maybe once every couple days? girls clearly turn me on more....not to be graphic but guys have to try harder to make me wet while girls can basically just brush against my arm & it's over
     
  9. Reptillian

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    So, since you said you're attracted to men. You're bi then by your perspective. People have different meanings of sexual attraction by the way. Oh and once a couple of days sounds a bit too frequent as there are women who prefers having sex with men less than that, not saying that's bad.
     
  10. chanelbelle

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    maybe not that often, more like once a week but the bigger point is that w women, it's around the clock
     
  11. Reptillian

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    I get your point, but most people use the definition of bi by qualification of being attracted to both sex by their relative standpoint. Bi does not mean being attracted to both sex equally. If you say you're attracted to both sex, then you're bi. If you prefer to call yourself a lesbian, sure go with that. Also, have you read the meanings of homoflexible?

    Homoflexible means you're bi leaning through homosexuality or you're a homosexual that doesn't mind experiencing opposite-sex sexual activities for one or more reasons such as sexual stimulation, experimental curiousity, libido, and finally emotional attraction rather than sexual attraction.

    There's different kinds of attractions.
     
  12. chanelbelle

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    I just feel stuck between not liking men enough to have a bf and feeling like beautiful femme lesbians are so rare that I'm always single & it's not fair. I do go out into the gay community but I'm never impressed & the truth is I don't want to meet a girl at the club. I want to meet her in the library or at a cafe. it's just hard because I don't look gay & I like femmes. I just feel like I'm gonna have to settle w an attractive man.
     
  13. pinklov3ly

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    You may have to lower your standards a bit. That's what I had to do anyway, and so far, I've had more luck with women. The girl I'm dating now, isn't exactly my type physically (she's butch), but she's pretty awesome. We have fun and we get along great; the girl I dated prior to her was feminine, but we didn't click at all. She was cool, but she would not stop talking about her ex-boyfriend. The girl I dated before her was my type and I thought she was a keeper, but she got pregnant by her ex-boyfriend. So, yeah I haven't had the best luck with women :grin:

    Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that even if you do find a girl you're attracted to, she may not have the best personality. It seems to have been a pattern for me unfortunately. It seems like the girls who have a larger dating pool are the ones to beware of. Then again any girl, no matter what she looks like can screw you over. So, I'd recommend that you stop looking and as cliche as it sounds, let love find you. For ex. you know how when you misplace something and you search endlessly for it and still cannot find it? And when you finally give up, you find it randomly, that's how love is :wink:

    Don't give up just yet or settle for a guy because it's easier. It's okay to be alone; being alone will give you time to sort things out and love usually doesn't need a label anyway :slight_smile:
     
    #13 pinklov3ly, Apr 17, 2013
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  14. chanelbelle

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    I'm not trying to sound like the biggest downer ever but if I wanted a butch I'd just date a guy....I like women, who look like women. I don't think you should have to settle just because you're a lesbian. I want to read vogue and paint my gfs toes in a bubble bath with candles. period. I won't settle just because I'm gay. I'm so tired of feeling like lesbians have to be less attractive than heterosexual women. it's not fair. I've never understood girls who want to look like dudes. I'm a lesbian because I love women. I love femininity. I think butches are gross. I'm just so tired of the lesbian community being so unattractive. sorry. but I'm not sorry. it sucks.
     
  15. Femmeme

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    Whoa... You need to keep in mind that there are young butch girls and young girls who are attracted to butches reading this forum. Your last post is insulting and harmful. It's perfectly ok that you aren't attracted to butch women, but be respectful.

    Femme invisiblity IS frustrating. You talk about how hard it is to find another femme, but what are you doing to help them find you?

    Have you tried wearing pride jewelry? Interlocking women symbols, or a necklace that spells out femme are subtle, yet effective ways of announcing your orientation without wrapping yourself in a rainbow flag. Because, lets face it rainbows just clash with certain outfits.
     
  16. Rose27

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    Re-Femme & butch: Someday you might lock eyes with someone your mind would say is not who you want but your heart says "She is all I want." Ignoring that you might lose out on the love of a lifetime!
     
  17. TheStranger

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    I really don't want to be rude in response to this, so I'll do my very best. I am not exclusively butch, my style tends to fluctuate depending on my mood, but I am becoming steadily more butch as I get older, and I think it's rather presumptuous to say that a butch woman is less attractive than the femme alternative. I personally am more attracted to other butches, so I personally don't feel that femininity is necessarily required in a lesbian relationship.

    In regard to the OP, although I'm not exactly experienced or knowledgeable in these matters, even though you may feel attracted to one style rather than the other you should take time with anyone. You never know when you may meet someone who changes your perspective.
     
  18. chanelbelle

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    I just don't know why more lesbians don't embrace femininity...that's what I love so much about women. I almost feel like I'm the real lesbian because I like what I think is a real woman & I'm looked at as "different" because I don't embrace women who prefer to look like men. I'm not trying to offend but in reality, how offending is that? do I have to cut my hair off to be a real lesbian? should I grow hair under my arms and not cross my legs? I like girls! I see gay men who put a lot of effort into looking good. They're usually more attractive than heterosexual men. with lesbians, I feel like there is zero effort. I'm not gonna let myself go just because I'm gay. I kind of feel like that's supposedly my destiny as a lesbian. & I think that's bull. I think I have every right to be frustrated. I feel like I'm attracted to women not lesbians.
     
  19. pinklov3ly

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    Well, I'm a feminine lesbian who also likes feminine women as well. So, I don't think you should settle for anything less than what you truly want. But it's going to take you a little longer to find someone who you find attractive.

    I'm dating a girl who is not girly at all (she's butch), and so many people have mistaken her for a man. However, she's not a man underneath it all haha :grin: Anyway, since we've been dating she's become more open minded. She wants to become more feminine for me and that's cool. I think you should try to get to know more women and not just women you find attractive. You never know, they may be able to introduce you to some of their friends who maybe more feminine.
     
    #19 pinklov3ly, Apr 18, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2013
  20. cm81990

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    By the sounds of your description, you seem bisexual but with a preference towards women. You do not sound like a true authentic gay/lesbian at all. I'll emphasize the term authentic because you are not the G or L in LGBT. The G & L are the real gays that suffer from heteronormativity.
     
    #20 cm81990, Apr 18, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 18, 2013