Hi, I'm a 17 year old female and new to the site. I was wondering if someone could help me out a bit here, or just give me some encouragement! Sexual orientation issues; I'm pretty sure I'm more attracted to women than men. However, I've never had sex with either gender and I've only ever kissed a guy. I don't feel like I know whether I'm properly attracted to women or not, I've been thinking about terms such as demisexual and grey-asexual but I feel like there's no way of knowing yet. The problem is that I'm driving myself mad over this; I know there's no need for a label and that there's no rush, but I would feel much more confident in myself if I knew. Unfortunately, there seems to be a difinitive lack of options. I live in a very small town in the middle of nowhere, a significant distance from anywhere of note. I don't have a car, there aren't really any train lines about. I will hopefully be going to university in a large city late next year, but that seems a long time away. There are only two girls that I know who are interested in other girls, and they're my two best friends who are also in a relationship with each other. To make everything worse I think I'm developing feelings for a different girl; one who I've never met in real life (although we've spoken face to face many times over Skype) and who lives in a different country. I have no idea if she likes me or even if she's gay/bi, but since we've never physically met I don't really know if it's a physical or merely romantic attraction. So; can anyone give me any advice, or is it simply a matter of waiting things out? Is there anything at all I can to do stop myself obsessing over this? Thank you in advance.
It sounds like you're in a tough situation especially since you don't really have the resources to 'experiment' based on where you live. You're not going to like my answer but I think you should just wait it out. At least until you get to university. How close are you to the 'two girls you know who are interested in other girls'? If you're really close with them, this is something I'd bring up. I think getting some support from them and/or learning about their experiences with how they discovered what they really wanted would help you out significantly in discovering yourself. Welcome to the site and best of luck to you! We're always here if you need to talk.
I don't recommend discussing the question 'Man or Woman?' in an abstract way. Just ask yourself which traits you like and dislike about specific men and women. In my opinion there is not much difference between the 'theory' and the practice of sex - your imagination sets the standard, and if that standard is met you are suddenly in paradise! Long-distance relationships are possible, but they are not everybody's cup of tea. For me they are clearly an option. Using Skype without ever being together means lacking three senses, so you are only 'video pals'. Be careful, you can fall in love with someone you have never met and be lovesick forever. :icon_wink Anyway, you can at least begin with online dating now. Where is the drama? Your analysis of your situation is excellent, and you are lucky that you can begin with the practical part of your exploration of women already as an adult in the next year. You are also lucky that your best girlfriends love each other, so they can perhaps give you some advice. And you will see that there is no friendlier forum on Mother Earth.
Thank you both for your welcome and your thoughtful replies. I figured that the answer would be to wait it out, but you're right that it could be worse for me! To answer some of your questions; I'm pretty close with my two friends, they are two of the people I associate with the most. Thanks for your suggestion (I guess it's pretty obvious, I don't know why I didn't think of it!) that I should talk to them about it; I've talked to one of them about it briefly but that was some time ago, and a few things have changed since then. I'll find an opportune moment and give it a shot. I know that I could definitely cope with an online relationship, although not ideal as you said. I also have no idea if she would want to, even if she did like me. We actually have vague plans to meet up this summer, and although not finalised yet we definitely both have permission to make it happen. So that could change things as well! I guess the first task in regard to this is to find out (or at least get an idea of) this girl's sexuality. I haven't asked her yet because I'm a bit of a coward. Then at least I'll know whether I have a chance or not. I think the reason this bothers me most is because I feel like I have no options; whether I wanted to develop my sense of sexuality or not I can't because of my physical location. Even if there's not really an issue and I'm just making a big deal out of nothing, it's nice to discuss it, so thank you to both of you!
Okay, there has been a new development to this story; the long distance girl whom I like is asexual. I suppose that this does mean that there might be a chance for me but I don't really know what to do, whether to continue to hope or dismiss it as unlikely ever to happen. (This is the idea of a possible romantic relationship, I will stay friends with her regardless.) Thoughts?
